How to protect my baby from smoking

[Tombo80]

After a night sleeping on the sofa, my wife has gone off the hook crazy about the issue of smoking! Please can someone tell me if I deserve this!

Our first baby is due in mid May and despite my father chain smoking 50 a day around me and my 4 sisters i am determined that my little bear will not come into contact with any cigarette smoke, but what I thought were reasonable precautions are apparently not acceptable. This is the situation;

We live in the frozen moores of saddleworth.
The house was built in 1912 with an old detached outside privy opposite the front door.
About 10 years ago the previous owners put a plastic glazed lean-to to join the house to the toilet. The exterior grade door to the house still exists.
I smoke in this lean-to, but agree that I will have to modify this when the baby comes.

I have agreed that I will have to smoke outside during the day, when the baby is awake, and when the weather is not extreme (as it so often is up here). Bearing in mind the starting point is that the baby should never come into contact with my smoking, i thought that smoking in this lean to room, with the exterior grade door closed, when it is raining and sub zero and the baby was in bed was not going to be a problem.... but apparently i am the worst human ever!

My wife has been a real trooper and is normally so calm, but this has really got her mad. What do you guys think? Please help, because I don't want to be on the sofa again tonight!

Tombo my dad smoked from age 11 until he was 79. He had cancer, COPD and died from complications of pneumonia at 80. My mum was a non-smoker but she also had cancer - whether as a result of her father's and later my dad's smoking we don't know.
My siblings and I are now at a higher risk, as we were also exposed to cigarette smoke during our formative years.

It's great that you were able to give up before. I know that it is difficult to stop, as I've seen many friends battle, but you can do it. It'll be better for all of the family.

The smell of smoke really lingers and there are a number of chemicals that hang around even after that, so giving up is a great idea.

Can you join a support group? Get assistance from your doctor, and put away the 'fag money' weekly - you'll soon see it build up.

Good luck!

And saying I'm determined my little bear won't come into contact with cigarette smoke when it turns out that he'll be smoking in the entrance/exit to your house, and where the child will be able to see him (babies don't know, but toddlers upwards do, that's why it's normalized and means they are more likely to be smokers themselves). He's not even prepared to take on basic advice about minimizing contact with smoke, so his determination seems somewhat questionable.

Having said that, there are lots of great parents who also smoke out there, he just doesn't seem willing to engage with the latest advice and I can only imagine how frustrating that is for you.

Lollywig

I bet your house stinks. Sorry, but it probably does. even if he smokes outside.

You will hand your beautiful new baby to a doctor, or friend for a cuddle. They will sniff it's little head and it wont smell lovely and milky. It will smell like an ash tray.

If he will not put your baby's health first, then you must.

unless you've had your lungs and heart checked out you can't possibly know if it hasn't had an effect.

I would bet my last piece of chocolate fudge cake on Lolly not really being able to smell how bad her house stinks herself, as she is so used to the smell.

Seriously the ecigarette is the answer! Make sure you get the right strength and that it's always charged and puff on it as much as you need. It makes not smoking infinitely easier as you still have the nicotine and the physical movement. You don't need to go through withdrawal just switch to something much less harmful.

Isn't it also true (please post a link if there is one) that when people smoke inside, the walls furniture curtains etc all contain nicotine particles. When babies lay on the floor and crawl around, chew things and put their hands in their mouths they start to ingest the nicotine. It can cruelly be enough to trigger almost an addiction and babies of smokers or babies living with smokers can be harder to settle and cranky as basically they are aonehow craving the nicotine themselves.

Again, happy to be corrected on this!! I'm sure I read it in an article at some point.

Women are expected to give up if they get pregnant, I don't see what's stopping you from at least trying to quit now.

I don't completely agree. I don't see it as such a huge issue in that anyone has to choose between smoking and their family. There are far more important issues to get knickers in a twist about. I feel that a lot of these posts are a bit over the top, in rl have never encountered people who dictate to others how to live.

I know how hard it is to quit smoking. People trot out the line 'just quit' like it is so easy to do. Until you want to quit nothing anyone will say will make you quit.

I was a 40 a day smoker, quit now for 2 years with the use of an E-cig. I had many attempted quits, a couple lasting a year but quitting with an E-cig was easy for me. I had a very good reason to quit, three of my kids dad had cancer (passed away now) and I had to watch them go through that and didn't want to up the risks of them going through it with me. Because of that fear I became scared to smoke, but my eldest was 12 when I quit so it took me years to get to that stage.

I hope i am not being too naïve in thinking that when our daughter is born he will naturally become less of an arsehole re this matter! Surely you just become less selfish when you become a parent and accept that sacrifices have to be made......? Despite how he comes across on this thread, he is a lovely man who I know will be an excellent dad.

Going by his posts so far, yes I think you are being naïve, sorry.

For a start, he could be saving the money he's spending now, it will come in more than handy.
And as you have lived with it for so long, as others have said, you have no idea about the stink that you're living with.

Theodorous - I don't completely agree. I don't see it as such a huge issue in that anyone has to choose between smoking and their family. There are far more important issues to get knickers in a twist about. I feel that a lot of these posts are a bit over the top, in rl have never encountered people who dictate to others how to live.

Watched anyone die from a smoking-related disease have you?

It is a huge issue. What do you think is a 'more important issue'?

theo what can be more important about trying to ensure your child doesn't have to live with smelling, asthma, chest infections, glue ear. Has every to run and okay, clothes and bedroom that don't stink.

That your newborn baby has minimal risks of SIDS. Can be comforted by both parents without worry.

Has things that couldn't be afforded if mum it dad werevr wasting £6 a day on fags.

Can have friends over without stinking them out either.

Or Infact can see their family without coming back wheezing.

My FIL has been on oxygen at nights for months now. He is currently in intensive care with pneumonia. He is 65, and never touched a cigarette in his life, but has spent over 40 years exposed to MIL's smoke. He has other health problems which have contributed to making him vulnerable, some of them self-induced (heavy drinking etc.), but his wife's smoking has a definite hand in the terrible state he is in, far too young.

My dh has never smoked and is healthy thus far, but every time he coughs I worry, because of the childhood he spent in a small flat around MIL's smoke.

I smoked for two years as a student and then stopped. Back then it was because I wanted to be off it by the time my finals came around as I was worried about being overly dependent during that stressful phase. The reason you have to stop is a million times better and more important, OP. You need to close the 'smoking' chapter of your life, now.

I don't see it as such a huge issue in that anyone has to choose between smoking and their family. There are far more important issues to get knickers in a twist about.

I completely agree. It's a no-brainer and no one should be getting into a tizzy over it. People who are interested in being good parents, stop smoking.

sympathies to you lollywig. My dh smoked through my preg and finally quit when our little one was 5 months old. I was so happy, still am and so very proud of him! he's been quit for over a year now. However I remember how infuriated and helpless I felt regarding his smoking when little one was tiny. You are so aware of the damage it is doing to them and helpless to stop it.

It's this simple.

Statistically, by continuing to smoke you are choosing that your child will die of a smoking-related illness. Either as a result of passive smoking, or because the likelihood that s/he him/herself will be a smoker.

Giving up anything you enjoy is hard. But please realise what choice you are actually making. Your father chose to smoke - he is horrifically ill and has already passed the statistical risk to you. Is that the legacy you want to pass to your child too?

If you are going to continue to smoke, you need to take seven clear steps out of the house before you do so. The lean-to is not a sufficient compromise. And you need to have a clear half-hour afterwards in the fresh air before coming back in. Only by doing so are you keeping all the toxins away from baby. Is it worth it?

Or just look at how much money you'd save. Babies are expensive, and they don't get cheaper as they get older. What will you deny your child(ren) so you can keep smoking?

My dad has copd. He is attached to oxygen 24 hrs a day. If he disconnects he can't walk the length of his living room anymore. He is trapped in his home during the winter and likens it to a prison cell. He smoked 5 hamlet a day and was 'perfectly healthy' until he hit 50 and started feeling short of breath, he gave up then, but too late.

He and my mum smoked around us when we were young and it didn't cause us any health issues, or did it?

Maybe thats why I was a 20+ a day smoker too for 20 years, my dad did it and he was a big strong healthy man. I'll feel the health impact of that when I get older.

I gave up when I was ttc, dh gave up a couple of years later.

It's stressful with a newborn, its even more stressful when you are both struggling on little sleep and your partner needs to disappear for a fag or they get ratty and make things worse. Then they come back stinking of smoke and offer to help and you need the help but feel you need to protect your baby from the chemical fumes they are giving off. All this with hormones going crazy!

Best thing you can do for your partner is give up ASAP before the baby comes. Best thing for your babies long term future health is for you to give up.

You have the perfect reason now, anything other than giving up now before your baby is born is incredibly selfish toward the most important people in your life. If you don't give up now for good you never will.

I smoked 30 a day up until 7 months ago. I lived smoking. I smoked while pregnant with both my daughters. I just didn't want to stop. Smoking was part of who I was, I loved having an excuse to go outside for 10 mind on my own. I never thought the health issues would happen to me.

But then I got fed up with the whole thing. I was feed up having to always have cigs, I was fed up spending almost a tenner every day, I was fed up with the wheezing at night.

So one day I bought an ecig, just to see how it went, no pressure to stop. And that was it. Haven't had a cigarette since. I haven't lost anything. Now vasping is my thing. It's cheaper, more fun, isn't killing me, and I wish I'd done it years ago.

Oh, and now that I'm not smoking I will finally admit that you are all right - it stinks. It really really stinks!

Oh and stopping was really easy.

Some Wives I have noted on here are so controlling ..

OP . I don't think anything will keep your baby safe from fumes and smells unless you stand stark naked in your porch . .then go indoors, shower for about an hour and then dress . ..

You are being reasonable, your controlling wife is not ..

So smoking in their sun room around his pregnant wife is reasonable is it?

itsnotthateasy

If you consider it 'controlling' to want to keep your baby safe, then I have no words...

Oh. Yes I do. You're a fool.