How to protect my baby from smoking

[Tombo80]

After a night sleeping on the sofa, my wife has gone off the hook crazy about the issue of smoking! Please can someone tell me if I deserve this!

Our first baby is due in mid May and despite my father chain smoking 50 a day around me and my 4 sisters i am determined that my little bear will not come into contact with any cigarette smoke, but what I thought were reasonable precautions are apparently not acceptable. This is the situation;

We live in the frozen moores of saddleworth.
The house was built in 1912 with an old detached outside privy opposite the front door.
About 10 years ago the previous owners put a plastic glazed lean-to to join the house to the toilet. The exterior grade door to the house still exists.
I smoke in this lean-to, but agree that I will have to modify this when the baby comes.

I have agreed that I will have to smoke outside during the day, when the baby is awake, and when the weather is not extreme (as it so often is up here). Bearing in mind the starting point is that the baby should never come into contact with my smoking, i thought that smoking in this lean to room, with the exterior grade door closed, when it is raining and sub zero and the baby was in bed was not going to be a problem.... but apparently i am the worst human ever!

My wife has been a real trooper and is normally so calm, but this has really got her mad. What do you guys think? Please help, because I don't want to be on the sofa again tonight!

I should also add - if your wife were the smoker, no doubt you eould expect her to stop smoking, at the very least through the pregnancy. Why shouldnt you be expected to do the same?

Oh yes, and apparently smoking is bad for your health.

I bet you're glad you came onto mumsnet as you probably didn't know that before and now you know you'll be able to stop smoking straight away

Stop smoking. Up to now, it's only your own health you have been risking. You will be damaging your child if you smoke and then breath over them within 20 minutes. You will be teaching them that smoking is what grown ups do and they are more likely to smoke (and damage their own health) as adults if they grow up seeing you smoking.

It also will limit your DW's ability to go out for time away from the DCs if you have to be able to have regular 30 minute breaks away from them.

It's selfish. If your wife can go through pregnancy and childbirth in order to make you a dad, it's not that big an ask for you to quit. Man up, stop smoking.

I suspect a big part of your wife's problem is that she doesn't believe you'll never smoke near the baby if you think you can get away with it.

You sound like you're trying to justify continuing smoking. There really is no good reason to smoke.

Also there is a big chance that over time you will become complacent. I'm sure you'd be very careful in the beginning but it might slip if say the weather is bad or you've run out of clean shirts to change into... So you'll think oh just this once. Slippery slope IMO

And what about when you're out - pub garden or wandering around town?

Smoking outside has to make a huge difference compared with smoking in the house. Perhaps they mean smoking with the door open - there was that advert with all of the smoke pooling around the baby in the bouncy chair.

But yes I would advocate giving up for, say, 9 months - I'm insisting DH gives up with me otherwise it's going to drive me mad seeing him smoke and me not being allowed to!

You shouldn't go near baby after smoking for 20 minutes, the toxins stick to your skin, hair and clothes.

How are you going to be a good supportive father if you are absent so much?

Will you really shower and change after every cigarette? If not you are putting your baby at higher risk of SIDS.

Give up to be a good father or try e-cigs. My DH did the Allen Car program three monthsbefore baby was born, PM me if you want a discount code.

Hey guys, thank you all so much for your comments... What a great website!

I did give up smoking for 4 months a couple of years ago... It was hell but I would like to give it another go. Quitting smoking seems to be the answer to just about everything and i know it is a lousy habit, my dad has copd and I can see the horrific consequences of his smoking.

I would really like a little more info on the real risks..... I mean, me and my sisters would sit in a car for 36 hours on a drive down to spain with my dad puffing away constantly.... It didn't seem to do us any damage, which is why i find it difficult to reconcile the catastrophic circumstances of not having a shower and changing my clothes vs what I grew up with. I also work in social housing and see people with very healthy babies who take no precautions at all during and after pregnancy, how can this be?

Thanks again guys, I'm gonna put the kettle on for an apologetic brew.

Just quit!! You do NOT want to deal with asthma (smoke in clothes breath and hair can contribute) trust me.

What to you plan on doing when you are on your own with baby? You can't be sat outside at the end of the garden in the rain ffs. It's pathetic and the baby/toddler is inside unattended for longer than just putting the bins out or getting a ladder out the shed.

Your wife is right, why wouldn't you quit for your baby?? Your wife have up her body for nine months. Instantly has to stop drinking and smoking and limit coffee and cola. She's giving up comfort and sleep and some foods and all the things pregnancy limits. You could at least give up the fags.

Re the passive smoking, my cousin has lung cancer and has never smoked, it has been attributed to growing up in a house with smokers.

He is early forties, been in remission for a few years but it's back and we are not expecting a happy outcome.

I agree with all posters. Your wife is right.

Does your wife smoke? If she did would you expect her to quit whilst pregnant to protect your child? If you would expect her to make this effort, I don't see why you can't also make an effort to quit for the sake if your child's health.

Your Dad may have smoked around you but times have changed. We now know much more about the dangers of smoking around children. Glue ear, for example is caused by children breathing in smoke, it can be very common even when the parent or parents smoke outside. Asthma, cot death, chest infections. The list goes on and on. It's a modern world, back in the old days Dads didn't change nappies or do the school run but now it's the norm.

OP, people used to let their babies rattle aroubd untethered in the back of cars. lots of these babies are fit and well adults who say "but I turned out just fine". Yep - by chance. This argument, hopefully, wont mean that you will do away with a carseat. Please dont use this crappy reason for smoking.

Please answer our qs - what will you do about smoking when in sole care?

You seem to be asking for readers to tell you smoking isn't all that unhealthy, which you must know is not going to happen.

Taking another tack, at the risk of being rude and very harsh I have to tell you that you stink. Smokers never understand exactly how bad they smell but the truth is that they do. Smokers really, really stink. All day long, not just for five minutes after having a fag. That means that if you intend to touch your baby at all, ever, it will stink also. Do you want your baby to smell?

I came across something interesting recently. When I was a kid it was normal for people to smoke around kids and for people to smell of smoke in general. Having been away from the UK for a while, I hadn't realised how unfashionable smoking had become, but last year my friend and her two children moved in with her latest fella, who smokes. He makes an effort to keep it away from the kids but one way or another, the smell transfers. The children soon started coming home upset because the other kids were telling them they smell bad, and wouldn't play with them because they hated the smell of smoke. Smoking is apparently now so unusual in the UK that children aren't at all familiar with it.

"it didn't seem to do us any damage". Hmmm...there is almost no way to see the effects immediately but it almost certainly did do you some damage. Your DF did not realised he was gradually getting COPD at the time, did he? I agree with the others that you need to quit, for your baby and for yourself and your wife.

My parents both smoked and kidded themselves that it was never near me as a child but they were wrong. My earliest memories are of a nauseous fug of cigarette smoke. Whenever they thought I was asleep (talking about toddler age here) they would light up so I would wake up to disgusting fumes. It's horrible. If I complained they would say things like, "don't be silly, we are not blowing the smoke your way - look, it's all going out of the window" (it wasn't). It is incredible the self delusion that smokers can have to convince themselves what they are doing is ok. Please stop. Encourage your sisters and DF to quit too and perhaps you will all find it easier. Good luck.

I think you won't know the damage that being exposed to passive smoking has done until it becomes apparent through illness. So some people may be fine into old age, but others will develop lung diseases much earlier. It's a known risk, so why take the chance?

I grew up in a house with two heavy smoking parents. I didn't suffer any lasting consequences but my sister is a chronic asthmatic, has a very weak chest and was a very sickly baby and child.

OP - one way your dad's smoking definately damaged you is it made you a smoker. You can't possibly think that being a smoker isn't bad for your health can you?

You can quit, and I suggest you do it now before your baby is born, it's going to be a lot harder once the bavy has arrived.

Incidentally, I was in children's a&e in a cubicle with DS once. There was an asthmatic toddler in with her parents in the next cubicle. When the doctor found out that the father smoked she tore such a strip off him, and then off the mother for failing to protect her daughter. Never have I seen two people look more embarrassed or ashamed.

Another vote for the electronic cigarettes- my 40 a day xh has not had a real cigarette for 2 months now and my dp who only smoked outside in the evening now sits inside and has the occasional puff on one. Much cheaper and no smell

I grew up in a smoking household (father - mother gave up when she got pregnant and never restarted) and I hated it. It was a lot more common back then, but still horrible. At school I was rubbish at games and would wheeze if I had to run any distance. I don't have asthma. It was only at university, away from this toxic environment, that I turned out to be quite sporty. I took up running - with no wheezing. As a child I had the health problems of a smoker. Please don't inflict this on your child.

Children used to get car sick all the time, this is because of smoking in cars, it happens far less now.

You can't compare your health to that of your peers because they probably had similar exposure. What will be telling is the health of different generations over longer periods of time. It's too early for us to see that yet.

That's so sad pigsmummy:(

Good doctor there mairzy

It's baffling that parents continue smoking when their child has asthma (I know a few)