to ask the health visitor why she's here

[womblesofwestminster]

Recently I got a letter from the health visiting team. It was informing me that an appointment had been made for a home visit for my DS because he has just turned 2.

DS is not a PFB. There's been no concerns with his development or health. No missed vaccinations or GP appointments. Nothing. So why the need for the visit?

I phoned and cancelled the appointment saying I had no concerns with my DS. They phoned back a few days later to say another appointment had been arranged. WTF? I thought this service was optional not mandatory?!

I agree secret, you don't have to take their advice you can make your own judgement, this is what I will do with ds, he is only just 2 so of course he is not going to do everything a 2.10 year ok'd would do. Even 2 months is a long time in young child development. So will play it by ear, and if later on there are concerns I will flag it up with the GP

Heydiddledumdum because of potential anti-BF sentiment. And also because its none of her business.

To sum up the outcome of this debate:

I am having the visit.

I am asking why she is here, as the letter said the visit was optional.

Just to spell it out:

I'm pissed off that they claim the service is optional, and then when I try to cancel, they undermine my decision.

Does this make sense????

So still going to be an arse, when you already know the answer.

Actually it's people like the OP who eventually made me decide to give it up. Nothing worse than making a planned home visit to someone who has already decided you are a waste of time and doesn't want you there.

Cancel the visit OP fgs, tell them you don't want it. Trust me, most HV's are overrun with child protection cases these days anyway...it'll give them a space to see someone who does need their input.

I'm going to come off this thread cause I really can't stand your attitude but I will say this...

They are not trying to catch you out and find you guilty of anything. They would be there to check your child's development and general well being. The fact you are a nursery nurse is irrelevant, mothers can sometimes be less likely to pick up on early signs of development issues regardless of their training. This can range from genuinely not noticing to just not wanting to see it and everything between.

If you don't want the appointment then cancel and tell them you do not want to rearrange (do not be surprised if this raises red flags), if you decide to go ahead by all means ask what the purpose of the checks are for but try not to be arsey to someone who is just doing their job. Although I can appreciate you will probably find this extremely difficult.

It will be the clerk who has rearranged it....I doubt the HV is even aware you don't want the visit. Most admin staff have been cut back to the bone...so you cancel the visit. Another clerk comes in, sees the visit is cancelled but doesn't know why so sends out a new appointment. Nowt to do with the HV....she is just sent out to see the booked appointments.

But it is optional. You can decline.
Wither their admin system is a bit clumsy (hence the reappointment) or there's something you're not telling us about your child's, or your history.
It seems that youo're just looking forward to to the confrontation so I guess that's a bonus for you.
Totally agree with secretGP

Can someone please explain why refusing an "optional HV" visit would raise a red flag?

Cancel the visit OP fgs, tell them you don't want it.

I did.

They didn't listen.

It will be the clerk who has rearranged it...

It was the HV. She left a voicemail in person.

Yup SusanC5 I'd like to know.

Did u feel this way about the midwife who came to see you at home postnatally? Did she violate you by entering your house??
Why the hatred against HVs?

Just tell her you don't want the check and stop wasting her time. She will have a list of children she needs to see each month for 6m, 12m, 18m checks etc, she's just working through that.
Unless she has any concerns about your child's safety then there won't be an issue, just opt out.

A normal HV just checking in etc wouldn't but a development check will. They do these things for a reason not just for fun.

In my area the 2yr check is done by post. But I think you'll just have to let them visit if that's standard where you are otherwise it looks like you have something to hide.

Did u feel this way about the midwife who came to see you at home postnatally? Did she violate you by entering your house??

No, I wanted her to check my stitches. I actually wanted her visit, and it was needed. Big difference.

I thought the OP did opt out, but was ignored?

Fantastic post by secretGP

So what's the issue, you tell her again that you don't require the check and wish to opt out.
Don't really understand the HV hatred

Wow. I'm really surprised at how much importance seems to be placed on this 2 year check. In my area, we were invited to a group clinic type thing. Two dates were offered- both mornings. I was working both days and so couldn't go. The letter gave me the impression that it was entirely optional, and I haven't heard from them since.

I'm certainly not losing any sleep over it.

I liked the hv coming to do the 2yr check (it was a nursery nurse actually), it's just nice to know that my dd's were doing ok as someone had checked all their milestones.

I didn't get visited by a mw with DC2 or DC3; they asked me to come into the clinic. But FWIW I did feel that way about the mw with DC3 because she was giving out misleading information (e.g. refused to sign us off when DC3 was 2 weeks old because she "wasn't gaining weight quickly enough" even though DC3 was an ounce and a half over her birth weight at ten days old, and suggested that this imaginary "slow weight gain" was because my breastmilk wasn't sufficient for her, and told me that normal baby acne was a worrying rash that we should see the GP about -- if I'd been a first time mother I'd have been an emotional wreck). But I was conscious that I had to turn up to the appointments, even though I suspected that she was just pretending to be a mw for a bet or some risk factor box would get ticked somewhere with unknown consequences.

(Disclaimer: every other mw I encountered over three pregnancies, births and sets of antenatal care was lovely, so I'm not suggesting that this is an endemic problem. But heck yes, I saw this particular woman as a complete waste of time at best and actively detrimental to maternal and infant wellbeing at worst, and I would have opted out of seeing her in a heartbeat if I could have realistically done so)

Did you speak to the HV when you cancelled or a (no doubt temporary) clerk.

Did you say, I am declining further health/development checks and will see the GP if I am concerned?

If you are in London they seem to have a massive shortage of HV's and lots of Bank staff who might just get a message to make an appointment.

Cancel the appointment again...yes I know you should not have to. Write a formal letter to the Modern Matron for Child Health and say you are declining all further visits and health checks from the HV service....ask that your records are amended to show this.

YANBU to ask why the HV wants to visit. You would not BU to decline the 'invitation' to visit you. I did.

But YABVVU if you think that the MN majority were ever going to approve of you being so anti-authoritarian.

OP, yanbu. It took me 3 cancelled appointments I never agreed to, 7 phone calls, and 2 letters to convince them that I did not want their "help"

To add insult to injury, 2 of the appointments were with a particular HV who has been banned from the house by my housemate because of her attitude and incompetence and who the sight of still makes me cry.