to ask the health visitor why she's here

[womblesofwestminster]

Recently I got a letter from the health visiting team. It was informing me that an appointment had been made for a home visit for my DS because he has just turned 2.

DS is not a PFB. There's been no concerns with his development or health. No missed vaccinations or GP appointments. Nothing. So why the need for the visit?

I phoned and cancelled the appointment saying I had no concerns with my DS. They phoned back a few days later to say another appointment had been arranged. WTF? I thought this service was optional not mandatory?!

What's the issue? I wouldn't mind if a HV wanted to pop around here at the 2 year mark. Why do you?

Love you hoobypickypicky

I think they should be mandatory, every child has a right to be independently checked to ensure they're developing properly. While your child may be thriving, only you know that (or think you do), the state doesn't and there are many children who aren't.

It's natural that suspicions may be raised when a parent refuses a check up, it suggest that there's a possibility they're hiding something and in more than a few cases that will be the reality. Nearly all parents who are severely abusing or neglecting their children will be avoiding checks which will get them caught. There should be pressure to find out who they are.

Children who are loved and well taken care of benefit from an outsiders opinion. Parents can be innocently unaware of problems with weight/speech delay/social development. Relatives and friends often won't point things out for fear of causing offence so it's up to a hv or doctor to notice. The sooner issues are identified, the sooner they can be dealt with and the better the outcome for the child.

I think they should be mandatory

That would be better than the current bullshit.

Children who are loved and well taken care of benefit from an outsiders opinion.

Is that a blanket fact?

Crome it's not true that abusers avoid services a huge amount of them actively seek them out and turn into very friendly yes people when ever they are around them

I think they should be mandatory too. Then there would have to be proper investment in the service and national standards instead of the variable and potentially harmful hotch-potch there is now.

Nearly all parents who are severely abusing or neglecting their children will be avoiding checks which will get them caught

This is rubbish, all three of the terrible cases mentioned in this thread (I won't go over them) were engaged with social services on numerous occasions.

This is for your child's welfare not yours and I agree that it should be mandatory.

I don't understand this 'attitude' about health visitors on here. Yes some do talk a load of crap and seem to know less than you but first and foremost they are there to check on the DC wellbeing and to offer help and advice (which it is your choice to take). What is the problem?

I would let them go ahead with the visit...smile and nod, smile and nod,smile and nod!

I had one come over with no appointment...stare at me accusingly 'where is your husband?'. Er...at work, its 11am on a weekday! But smile, nod and get it over with is my advice!

God what a waste of your time and the HVs.

I don't agree with mandatory checks. IMHO most parents know if their child is developing normally or not,

Please please cancel the visit again. It isnt worth your while having this appointment. Then write that letter saying you are declining further input from the HV service and will see the GP is concerned.

If I was the HV I wouldn't want to waste your time or mine.

It's optional, I declined it, no "red flags" were raised, although they did keep sending out appointments until I phoned and spoke to the Health Visitor myself - then, they just stopped coming.

OP, yabu. Giving every child routine developmental checks is a way to pick up all kinds of problems early, identify parents who need support before it's a crisis, and generally ensure that children are ok. It's not a perfect system, but you never know when you may need your HV - mine have all been awesome, real lifesavers. Try and book it for a convenient time and enjoy watching someone else observing your child through fresh eyes. It's not a parenting inspection, it's a routine developmental check.

I wouldn't let the HV pass my door, I loath her and her attitude.

She did nothing but make me feel like a shit useless mother, who failed to get DS to eat, sleep, talk and hit mile stones.

Thank good I took him to our GP, would referred us to the paediatrician and dietician.

After 3-4 years I finally got a Dx of autism

OP you seem very paranoid, it's really quite bizarre. Guilty until proven innocent? What are you on about? HVs are just doing their job.

Rightly or wrongly, Childrens Services have deemed that a check at 2 years is useful, so in your area it is arranged. I think you're being rather precious and attention-seeking by making it into a drama.

HVs have targets, checks to make, and they need to be happy that they're doing their best to look after their caseload. It's their job.

And it's seems odd to me that, if your time is so very very precious, you would choose to quiz and berate the HV when she comes, as this will make the whole thing take much longer.

I've declined 2 year check for our dd. It's a 15 min group appt at our local health centre that I'd have to take a day off work to attend.

I don't believe a total stranger can diagnose any problems with my child in 15 mins in a group setting that her team of nursery workers, her parents or other associated adults (several of whom are health care professionals) wouldn't have picked up on already.

I'm getting threatening letter about reporting me to our GP. I'm interested to see what our GP, who it takes at least two weeks to get an appt with is going to do about it

I refused the 2 yr old check with my dd2 too. It was a group meeting at the clinic. Unfortunately it was on at the same time each week which I couldn't make. I offered lots of times when I could come in or she could visit but supposedly it was wed mornings only. I really didn't see the point of the meeting and said if they were that desperate they could contact me. I never heard anything else from them.

op can I ask what you think the hv is actually coming for? I get the impression that you feel it's not just to check your dcs development?

Good Lord you are getting a hard time on here! I suspect alot of it is about the board you're on and the timing of your post.

No YABU to be irritated that a 'choice' is seen as a 'red flag' as soon as you exercise this choice.

Much better to be mandatory than have this reaction every time someone dares to choose.

FWIW I went to my Ds 2 year check and came out as usual feeling like a crap mum with a son who wasn't ok ... Except no positive advice given and it was an extension of the tooth sucking about baby weight etc that happened earlier. The only thing I pushed was that I thought a hearing test may be useful so the hv referred him for one... Ds is 4 and we've never heard back. So massively underwhelmed about it, though not opposed to it in principle.

I do wish people wouldn't use infamous child abuse cases to justify these things, as the main issue in these cases is failure to communicate between professionals versus failure to gain access to the child in the first place,

OP you do sound paranoid. And incredibly highly strung. Perhaps this visit is a good idea...

the problem is lots of HV talk out their arse.

no one trusts them none of the groups I have met with two DC have a good thing to say about them and one gave me awful advice about post in law fall out right after hte birth saying I should let them see the baby twice a week...and I was BF...this led to massive issues..we felt pressured to do it that it was the right thing that the GP saw the baby twice a bloody week!

I'm glad I took my DD for the 2 year health check at the local health centre.
I thought she was fine, apart from the fact that she wasn't meeting the speech milestone of 50 words - but I was sure she would catch up in her own time. None of my family (which includes a teacher and a GP) thought that there was anything amiss.
We had a very quick appointment with a locum HV - she seemed very under pressure. She barely looked at DD, but said that she wanted to refer DD to SALT. We saw the saw SALT a few weeks later; she she said that DD had developmental delay in most areas, and referred her urgently to see a multi disciplinary team in a child development centre. She was diagnosed with ASD and speech & language disorder shortly before her fourth birthday.
Looking back, I cannot understand how I missed the signs that were there . I will always be grateful that I went to that 2 year health check and that the HV made the referral. Otherwise I dread to think how long I might have waited for DD to catch up in her own time - all during which she would have been missing the interventions she needed.

At the moment the visit is optional although you feel it isn't. If they have a suspicion (they might, nobody knows) that there is something amiss you are wasting a lot of taxpayers money by making them insist on a visit, get all the paperwork required for an essential visit.

You should never think you are above suspicion, you never know whether somebody has made an allegation.

Easier and cheaper for the taxpayer if you just let them in the door.