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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone is selling clothes that I gifted to them

190 replies

lollipoppi · 22/01/2014 10:32

So my DPs cousin had a baby

I mentioned that have tons of clothes from DD that she is welcome to have if she likes which she accepted

When I went round to give her the clothes there were 4 bin bags full. I said for her to go through them in her own time and whatever she doesn't want to just give me back as a few of my friends are also pregnant at the mo and they could be passed on

Anyway il get to the point that she has been selling ALL these clothes on a local selling site in bundles, even clothes that wouldn't even for her DD just yet!

Oh along with her DS1 birthday present that we bought him less than 2 weeks ago!

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 23/01/2014 17:56

Nope I'd do what not my suggested. Only on her Facebook page.

expatinscotland · 23/01/2014 17:56

No, because THE SECOND I saw the stuff on the page I'd have emailed the ad,on that those clothes were not hers to sell, then ring her or gone ther and told her I had the measure of her, so hand back the clothes.

HuevosRancheros · 23/01/2014 17:56

Do you have any pregnant friends you could 'borrow'?
If so, get them to bid/buy for some of the stuff, and then "give her a lift" to collect. And prepare your shocked/confused face

Breadkneadslove · 23/01/2014 17:58

I would message her back all sweet and innocent saying that it was very kind of her to re gift the items to her friends and family but say you just wanted to give her a heads up as the f&f are now trying to flog them online trying to make money from her generosity and that is very bad form!!!

Then wait and see what she has to say ;-)

Lesson learned OP

magentastardust · 23/01/2014 18:07

I think you now need to reply and say that you have just seen that she is selling your clothes -as she wont have sold all 4 bin bags full yet , so you are now going to be letting her away with not only telling you a lie but also potentially continuing to sell the items when she has said she doesn't have them any longer.

Just say that you have seen her posts on a selling site just now , and could she please return any unsold items to you as they weren't hers to sell and that was never the intention.
Don't create a fuss if you don't want to , but don't let her treat you like a complete mug and go on selling behind your back. Gives you the upper hand to just politely let her know, that you know she is not being truthful and will stop her treating you like that again.

magentastardust · 23/01/2014 18:11

I know it isn't nice if you aren't comfortable with confronting people, and you did well to text her , however you gave her an instant get out by not letting on you knew she was selling the clothes. She was obviously going to come back and say she didn't have them.

You can be assertive and have the control without lowering yourself to her standards.

Oh and never lend her anything again!

Sianilaa · 23/01/2014 18:28

If I had made it perfectly clear that I was lending the clothes and expected them back then yes I would call her on it, tell her I knew she was selling them and ask for the money. They aren't hers to sell. I'd be damn angry!

Lesson learned the hard way OP.

MrsKoala · 23/01/2014 18:29

I agree with expat, the moment i saw the clothes advertised i would have called/texted to say 'are those my things you are selling? '. And yes i actually really would ask for the money she made and then give it to a childrens charity. I'd be fucked if i'd let her gain from her dishonest behaviour. It's the kind of thing i could never let go. It's the concept rather than the reality. Even if she made 30p. It's the selfishness and entitledness (entitlement? are these even word?) that it entails.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/01/2014 18:38

Tell her you know! Don't be a pushover. Do it do it do it!!

picnicbasketcase · 23/01/2014 18:50

I agree with the poster who said you should ask for whatever's left back before she sells them. Or is she claiming that has given away four bin bags full of clothes away already, having kept none of it to use herself? Lying cow bag.

lljkk · 23/01/2014 18:59

Not worth the fallout for OP to make a fuss with her DP's cousin.
But feel free to vent here loudly!!
If I were OP, I'd be minded to ham up how skint I was (moany texts and posts on FB, etc.)

FixItUpChappie · 23/01/2014 19:02

I can't believe your not going to call her out.

Even trying to sell your sons gift is horrid behaviour. Regifting or passing on to charity is not the same as trying to turn a profit on something a friend has paid to give you. Greedy.

expatinscotland · 23/01/2014 19:03

Totally worth falling out! She's a lying, thieving cow.

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/01/2014 19:30

I could not let that go! You have to call her out on this!

WhispersOfWickedness · 23/01/2014 19:36

I really really hate confrontation, but I still don't think I would be able to let this one go, especially since, as someone up thread has said, she almost certainly still has lots left and is still prepared to sell it even after lying to you.

lljkk · 23/01/2014 19:39

Trying to decide what it would be like if OP pretended to be someone else, made arrangements to buy the items and turned up to buy them from the cousin...

yonisareforever · 23/01/2014 19:43

Yes please don't let her do this, say, I saw you have been selling them and I thought you might come clean when I asked you about the clothes.

Can I please have any back you have not sold, my other friends are struggling and could do with some freebies.

yonisareforever · 23/01/2014 19:44

why when someone acts like this do people let them get away with it, why not make her feel even a tiny bit un comfortable?

people act like shit then the person offended bends over backwards to make sure they dont feel bad!

Original poster

lollipoppi · 23/01/2014 19:53

Your right, I know you are, but I hate confrontation, I'm a quiet kind of person, and quite anxious, Even the thought of confronting her sends me into a panic which is exactly why she knows she can do this sort of thing

However, DP told his sister about it today when she came round, she is outraged and totally not the kind of person to keep her mouth shut!!

It's a bit of a cop out on my part, but I know it will get back to her through their family

I'm not even angry about it, just upset.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/01/2014 19:57

I hope her sister in law rips her head off!

I would be upset as well op.

sykadelic15 · 23/01/2014 20:06

I agree with getting a friend (who isn't in your friends list) to buy them all up.

I would also contact her back and say: "I'll be around on x date, which should give you enough time to retrieve my property from your friends and family. Thanks for understanding!"

drivingmisslazy · 23/01/2014 20:08

outrageous.

Can not believe someone would do that.

Bitofkipper · 23/01/2014 20:14

Happened to me years ago. I found out because the person I gave the clothes to mentioned in passing afterwards that she'd got a lot of money for them as they were so nice.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything but the friendship fizzled out.
I have my own set of values and I wouldn't have wanted hers.

expatinscotland · 23/01/2014 20:25

Get the SIL to confront her then, or your DP.

Rhubarbgarden · 23/01/2014 21:02

I hope your SIL makes her squirm.

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