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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be with him?

116 replies

RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 02:11

I doubt this is the right place but atm I'm just not feeling loved and maybe I'm being unreasonable..

the beginning of this month me and do were having a serious conversation and he made it fully clear he doesn't 'love me like he use to' 'the spark had gone' he admitted to being lazy (never cooks as 'doesn't know how' (even emptying a can Into a saucepan). We both said we'd try more he'd try to learn how to cook and I'd stop being 'stressy'.

Since then he said he still doesn't love me like he use to, he will say he loves me when he's here otherwise he doesn't.

Yesterday he went 4 hours without texting because he said "I could of told him how my LO was, what I'd been doing, how I was and what I had planned for the rest of the day" yet when I did that today he told me there was no point in h replying because I told him everything Sad.

He even said yesterday "isn't it ironic how you can't even make me erect anymore when I'm so touch sensitive" BlushSad we use to have sex 3 times a day and we may have it 2/3 times a week if he's not to tired, busy, not in the mood, his tv programme is on etc.

Now I'm lying on the sofa because he's snoring, grinding his teeth and rolling in to me continuously in his sleep and I've had enough I just feeling like he's with me because it's easier and it's nice to have someone and he doesn't really love me anymore despite saying it. I however am madly in love with him Sad

I'm nearly 21 and he's nearly 24 we've only been together 6 months

OP posts:
BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/01/2014 12:42

You can do far better than him, take it from me!

I don't know how old your DS is but it sounds like he's quite little? Sounds like you had a lovely little set up before this bloke came along, there is NOTHING wrong with a child being close to their mother, at all! I adored the time that I was a single mother with DS, yes it was hard, but there's something special about that one on one bond that you do lose when you start living with someone. I am married now to someone who came into our lives when DS was 2 and I wouldn't change that, but the one on one relationship with your child is very special - you should cherish that and it absolutely should take someone really special for them to even get a look in.

Stop listening to all of these people, they sound like they've fallen into the trap of thinking that all women must be in a relationship at all times and if she isn't then she's somehow failed. A "traditional family" sounds like hell to me. Who wants to be in the kitchen making sandwiches? Grin You can be a perfectly lovely modern family, just the two of you and/or if somebody who comes along who is KIND, PATIENT, LOVING and treats you both with RESPECT, then they might be worthy of giving a try.

From what you've said so far, your "boyfriend" is selfish and immature, has no idea of the reality of life, would probably be totally useless at actual helpful stuff like housework and the hard/drudge bits of childcare, he's cruel with the comment about the erection.

So far the only nice thing you've said about him is that he tries not to wake you when he leaves for work? Confused I know you'll be thinking, no, it's not like that, I've painted him in a bad light - but seriously you don't have to hang on to tiny crumbs like that. There are tons of men who would not only try not to wake you in the morning but also bring you breakfast in bed on their day off, while looking after your LO so you could have a lie in, and definitely not expect any entitled rubbish like a "man room" or the time to use something like that when you have a small child.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/01/2014 12:43

21 months? It's totally NORMAL and emotionally healthy for them to not want to stay with someone they don't know very well! Shock

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/01/2014 12:44

And he probably can't get hard any more because he spends all his time sitting in his man room wanking over his overpriced gadgets Grin

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 22/01/2014 12:45

(sorry) Blush

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:46

Longtall I go!
Ie the other day I had to pick my car up from the garage and my DS was already strapped into the back of my friends car with her DS because she has dropped my off I was behind her as she was going to mind she had to pull over after 5 minutes because he'd puked in her car and was hysterical Blush, if I leave him to go to the bins and lock the door (they're outside) he'll unlock the door and try to get to me, he even cried when my mum had him for New Years.

They say because I was single ever since he was born and never left him till I had to go to hospital I'd made him "too close" to me Sad

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 22/01/2014 12:51

Ugh he doesn't need a "man" room he needs a nursery!

Definitely do not "suck it up"

You and your son have been doing just fine you don't need anyone else in order to make you into a family.

You'll find someone better and more mature who treats you properly but there's no rush :)

MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 12:51

They say because I was single ever since he was born and never left him till I had to go to hospital I'd made him "too close" to me

What a load of shite!! Sorry, who is it that has said this to you? Ignore them 100%, your son adores you, you adore your son. It does sound like he has separation anxiety but most kids go through this and you can work on it.

However I do not believe you can be "too close" to your child. I am a single Mum, have been since DD was 7 weeks and if someone tried to tell me this I would tell them where to go. You need to surround yourself with more positive people who will support you, not tear strips off you for being a good mum

pianodoodle · 22/01/2014 12:51

Oh and you can't be "too close" to a baby! That's nonsense!

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:52

Bertie Grin you made me laugh! He wanks he tells me he does at home

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 12:54

OP I do not mean this disrespectfully but how old are you?

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:54

My head knows what I should do I just can't bring myself to do it.. Sad I'm a sap!

OP posts:
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:55

Meep

I'm nearly 21 and he's nearly 24 my DS is 21 months

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/01/2014 12:59

then ease yourself into it. Tell him you don't want him to come over tonight and do the same tomorrow night. Give yourself a few days and tell him you don't want him to come back.

you will bounce back.. the longer you're with him the longer it'll take to meet somebody decent. It took me till I was 34 because I spent my best years with a total dickhead.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 13:00

I do understand where you are coming from Ralph it is tough. At 21 I was in a really poor relationship but couldn't see it for looking. I married my ex we had a DD together and as I said in a previous post I've been a single parent since she was 7 weeks.

Without sounding condescending (I am only 25) 21 is still young. You have plenty of time to meet someone who will treat you right. You do not have to settle for anyone. Are you afraid of missing the company or is there more to it? You know he doesn't treat you right. You also do not want your DS growing up thinking this is the way to treat women.

You can do better than this man child TBH. He has a lot of growing up to do.

Fairylea · 22/01/2014 13:02

Goodness me! Dump the arse!

You are 21, your whole life ahead of you. And you deserve to have someone who loves you and fancies the pants off you and wants to by a good step dad to your little one. What on earth are you doing with this crap excuse for a guy?

6 months is nothing. Bin and move on. Broaden your circle of friends.

I am a lot older than you, I remember when my first marriage broke down aged 22 I thought my life was over. I was so low and down and had dd aged 6 months as well. It was awful.

Then I had another marriage and we were happy for about 7 years and then he fucked off with a girlfriend he found on Facebook.

Then I had a sort of mini teenage break out and went on lots of of dates and had lots of fun (dd was older then) and I enjoyed finding myself.

And then I met dh. And we now have ds 19 months and life is really good. We love and respect each other and share all finances and have equal spending money (big issues in my previous relationships). I never thought I'd meet someone as lovely as him.

Don't settle for a twat. Honestly you can do so much better!!

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 13:03

Meep I am I've spent the majority of my life watching other people be happy and be couples whilst I've waited on the sideline.

Now I'm in one and it's not all sunshine and rainbows anymore and I'm going to go back to being on my own again and having company Sad

(I know I sound sad)

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 13:09

Is it not better to just be you and your DS and be happier than being in a relationship with someone who puts you down and thinks that you are "too close" to your son??

You will never meet a man who will treat you right while you are with a man who doesn't.

WilsonFrickett · 22/01/2014 13:12

If your son has separation anxiety then find a strategy and work it through. Note: that strategy isn't 'get partnered up with a total loser'. who DS is smart enough to not want to be left with in the first place

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 13:16

Nobody will have DS because he will puke and cry so much even our local childminder won't BlushSad

My DS won't stay with anyone it's not just my dp

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 22/01/2014 13:17

Please don't throw the best years of your life away on this arsehole.

You'll be doing yourself an injustice if you do. You & your child deserve better.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 22/01/2014 13:22

You absolutely have to get rid of this guy.
I think Morrissey says it best:

'In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now'

Ditch him.

loopylouu · 22/01/2014 13:38

Sweetheart, you are 21. You have your whole life ahead of you for yourself and your son to enjoy.

Get rid of the bloke or you will still be with him in 5 years, possibly have had his children and he will be an even bigger arsehole and you will be even more miserable.

Be single, enjoy your son (what utter, utter shit you have been told about him being 'too close' to you. ENJOY IT! Your little boy loves you, you love him, you cannot be too close!).

KellyElly · 22/01/2014 13:45

Honestly OP you will be happier alone. A relationship shouldn't make you this miserable, it should be a partnership where you find happiness and support. Being alone is much better than being with someone who doesn't make you happy. Get rid and move onwards and upwards :)

CatAmongThePigeons · 22/01/2014 13:46

Your son will be able to be left in his own time, it is a phase they go through so try to ride it out.

Get rid of the man who is more of a baby than your son. Please don't waste years of your life with this loser, you'll regret staying with him

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 22/01/2014 13:52

What loopylouu said times 1000.

RalphLaurenLover please listen to everyone and don't be sad, feel empowered that you've recognized the problem and faced it.

You sound awfully young, talking about being single for 3-4 years when you're still 20, well, nearly 21. Those aren't the years that you should be worrying about being settled anyway.

Having a child, but also talking about getting bored with 'relationships' after 3 weeks?
Can't you see that really you aren't ready for long term commitment and that just because you see other people forming couples, it doesn't mean that it's right for you?

Like I say, don't be sad. Concentrate on being a great mom, enjoy the precious early years with your boy and just let life take its course. There aren't any prizes for being in a relationship but there are sometimes terrible consequences for being in the wrong one.

Oh and if any man had ever tried to put the responsibility for his erections, or lack of them, onto me, he'd suffer such a withering look that his penis would probably wither and die on the spot. Cheeky bastard.

When you're with the right man, he's going to make you feel wonderful, don't settle for someone who makes you miserable just so as you're not single.

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