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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be with him?

116 replies

RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 02:11

I doubt this is the right place but atm I'm just not feeling loved and maybe I'm being unreasonable..

the beginning of this month me and do were having a serious conversation and he made it fully clear he doesn't 'love me like he use to' 'the spark had gone' he admitted to being lazy (never cooks as 'doesn't know how' (even emptying a can Into a saucepan). We both said we'd try more he'd try to learn how to cook and I'd stop being 'stressy'.

Since then he said he still doesn't love me like he use to, he will say he loves me when he's here otherwise he doesn't.

Yesterday he went 4 hours without texting because he said "I could of told him how my LO was, what I'd been doing, how I was and what I had planned for the rest of the day" yet when I did that today he told me there was no point in h replying because I told him everything Sad.

He even said yesterday "isn't it ironic how you can't even make me erect anymore when I'm so touch sensitive" BlushSad we use to have sex 3 times a day and we may have it 2/3 times a week if he's not to tired, busy, not in the mood, his tv programme is on etc.

Now I'm lying on the sofa because he's snoring, grinding his teeth and rolling in to me continuously in his sleep and I've had enough I just feeling like he's with me because it's easier and it's nice to have someone and he doesn't really love me anymore despite saying it. I however am madly in love with him Sad

I'm nearly 21 and he's nearly 24 we've only been together 6 months

OP posts:
TonyThePony · 22/01/2014 12:14

He sounds utterly unappealing. And that 'ironic' thing is just a way to make you feel bad about yourself.

Seriously, let him have his own 'man house', the immature twat.

Don't cling on to him just because you feel you need to have a 'serious' relationship, 6 months is the perfect amount of time to realise what you don't want to settle for.

WilsonFrickett · 22/01/2014 12:17

You know a great way for him to have a man room and your LO to have a play room? Kick him out. Then he can have a whole man house to himself.

Honestly, I get why you're thinking 'is this me' but your twenties are a time for experimenting and finding out what you want in a relationship. You don't have to grab onto this one just because it's lasted for six months. There are so many people in the world, and out there is a kind, unselfish man who will make you feel good, who won't say mean things about sex, who will listen and put your child's needs first.

They do all snore though Wink

You can do so much better than this.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:17

We only have sex when I ask, If I didn't we wouldn't I reckon.

I was single for 3-4 years beforehand I guess I just like the idea of a traditional family though I LOVED when it was just me and my DS but everyone kept telling me it was bad because we were "to close" and that's the reason he won't be without me now Sad he won't stay with my DP at all or my brother,

I just feel like I should suck it up and I'm trying to find a problem (people tell me I do that) Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:20

Wilson he still lives with his mummy, he moaned because he had to pay off his PS4 (£500) and had to pay his mum rent (£130) a month.

I did infirm him he can't even rent a 1 bed flat in my area on what he earns on his pt job Hmm

OP posts:
TonyThePony · 22/01/2014 12:23

Please don't settle. And don't let anybody else tell you what to do (now that's ironic Wink ). They're not the one's that will eventually be ground down by a lack of sex (and nastiness around it) and not being allowed into a 'man room' in their own house.

Honestly, he sounds like a knob.

Davsmum · 22/01/2014 12:24

If its only 6 months and he says the spark has gone and he doesn't think he loves you like he did,..why are you letting him stay over and have sex with you?
What is the point of continuing the relationship?
He is waiting for you to get a bigger house before he can move in because HE needs a man room?? Seriously?

Seriously, you can do a lot better than this bloke!

If you meet anyone in the future don't let them stay over so soon! You have a child to think about and your child should be your priority.

A man who thinks he should have a man room over a child having a play room does not sound like a man who likes children.

pumpkinsweetie · 22/01/2014 12:25

Sounds like this relationship has reached the end of the line & he is using you for creature comforts and familiarity.

You are still young, don't waste anymore time with someone that cannot treat you right nor loves you.
Show him the door, and one day maybe soon that door will be left open for someone new to come along xx

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:25

my child is and always has been my priority

OP posts:
Whatdoingmummy · 22/01/2014 12:26

I have been in a similar situation, I was with my exdp for 18 months when he turned around & told me the "spark was gone" and he wasn't sure if he loved me as much as he used to. The main problem was is that although he loved my DD, he wasn't ready to make that commitment.
It broke my heart, i begged & pleaded with him to stay, to try and make it work but it made things worse.
He eventually left, it has been a very hard 6 months but I'm ok now & you will be too. You can't make somebody love you unfortunately. I'm a similar age to you, we have plenty of time yet :)

Davsmum · 22/01/2014 12:26

Good - so don't have men staying over so soon after you meet them.

LightsPlease · 22/01/2014 12:27

I thought I was going to read that you had been together for 20 years and were in your forties.
This time is the honeymoon period it definitely shouldn't be like this already. Perhaps you are a bit needy and fall to quick hence why your relationships don't last?

Squitten · 22/01/2014 12:27

You need to bin this idiot and raise your standards!

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:31

What doing mummy

that's basically it - thanks Smile

My relationship only last 3 weeks because I'd get bored, they would annoy me and everything they do would make me want to punch them I the face. It took 3 weeks every time for me to get fed up and I'd end it. They'd ask if we can try again and id say no.

I don't know what's happened to me Hmm

OP posts:
BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 22/01/2014 12:31

OP - please please get rid. He is not doing you good.

You are NOT 'looking for a problem'. Absolutely do NOT 'suck it up'. Please, don't ever allow anyone to make you feel that someone else making you feel worthless and treating you really badly and not accepting that is somehow a problem - it's a sign of strength and self-worth. 24 and pissed off about having to pay rent and for his console and only has a pt job? He wants a house big enough for a 'man room', a room for you, a room for your dc, but is pissed about £130 rent and only works pt? Only has sex 'if you ask'? You deserve better. You will meet better.

If he's said things aren't as good any more, they won't get better. Trust your gut - you may love him, but look back in fondness over what you had, and with a smile at who you could meet next.

Thanks
Longtalljosie · 22/01/2014 12:32

How old is your son?

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 22/01/2014 12:34

(I'm 22 and not in a relationship (no DC though) and hope to goodness that even when im 82 I won't settle for someone who treats me this way - you're life is worth LIVING)

MadBusLady · 22/01/2014 12:35

You absolutely should NOT suck this up, and anyone who tells you you should does not have your best interests at heart. This relationship is dead in the water. The loser doesn't even have the courtesy to be nice to you while he's using you as a meal ticket and a sex appliance. If you take control by dumping him you'll start to feel better straight away. Because it will have been YOUR decision.

And if you loved it when it was just you and DS you can love it again. Never heard such bollocks as being "too close" to a very little child! Do people really say things like that? It sounds like something out of Dickens.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/01/2014 12:35

My son is 21 months

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 12:37

OP - I think the advice on this thread has been pretty much bang on. You are better than this.

I get the feeling that you know this otherwise you wouldn't have posted but there is still a part of you that doesn't want to kick him the the kerb.

I am not someone who thinks just because someone is an ass that it automatically is EA. But comments such as the ones he has made regarding sex is a huge red flag for it.

You come across as having self esteem issues and comments like the one's he is making seems to be him deliberately trying to put you down and lower you self esteem. People like this tend to escalate their behaviour, especially since this is in the first 6 months.

And as a side note you do not have sex with someone 2-3 times a week if you do not find them attractive so you have to ask yourself why he would want yo to feel this way.

Hell I could have the hottest man in the world waiting for me at home and still couldn't be bother with 2-3 times a week never mind a day.

Start looking out for our own best interests again. You are your DD were fine just the two of you before, you will be again.

MadBusLady · 22/01/2014 12:38

x-posts. I am Shock that anyone could think it's possible to be "too close" to a child not yet two. He won't stay with anyone else because he's too little to be without his mummy, as I understand it that is perfectly normal!! What do these people think, that he should be going into the pub without you already or something?

MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 12:38

Sorry DS not DD.

Longtalljosie · 22/01/2014 12:38

OK - I thought he might have been older.

When you say he screams till he's sick when you leave him - do you actually go? Leave the house properly I mean? Because it's pretty common for there to be universe-ending howling when you put your coat on and then for them to get over it 10 minutes after you've left?

fuzzywuzzy · 22/01/2014 12:39

Six months and he is telling you, you are his skivvy and bringing you down to feel worthless so you can continue to be at his beck and call and pay for him.

He lives with his mum, moans at having to pay for his own 'toys', expects you to buy a bigger house in which he dictates what room he will take for himself.

He's crap at sex by his own admission (cant get it up) and doesn't instigate (according to your posts).

You really want this loser? why?

MadBusLady · 22/01/2014 12:40

(Sorry, to clarify, when you say DS won't "stay" with relatives I assume you meant overnight.)

MeepMeepVrooooom · 22/01/2014 12:40

And also apologies for the typos, phone has a mind of it's own.