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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you could pay someone to carry & deliver your children for you, would you?

132 replies

Queeniethecorgi · 20/01/2014 19:13

I read an article with Oona King's surrogate today where she stated that Oona told her that 'she felt lucky as she didn't have to be the one to push it out'.

I'm childfree, but have read on here what childbirth and pregnancy does to your body, even when it goes well-- and the long lasting effects of when it goes wrong.

I think the only biological benefit for women is a reduced risk of cancer from breastfeeding?

So if you could still have your children but not have had to carry & deliver them yourself, would you? And as we've already suspended disbelief once, let's say you could feed them breast milk as well.

OP posts:

MrsMook · 20/01/2014 22:39

Hmm tempting...
I reckon I can put up with writing off one more year to pregnancy and birth (difficult births and SPD outstaying it's welcome means the first 3 months are still heavily affected by pregnancy).

So I'd do a DC3 myself, but think I'd rather delegate DC4 to DH. I think that's a fair proposition.

QOD · 20/01/2014 22:41

Well I can categorically state that I am not offended in any way!

I'd have loved to have been able to get pregnant but I couldn't give a crap now, I love my dd more than anything and she's utterly beautiful and perfect now the hormonal strops are gone and I could NOT have grown a better one myself

I'm sure there are people who do it for vanity type reasons but I do not judge them.

Wishfulmakeupping · 20/01/2014 22:46

I loved being pregnant and loved my bump

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 20/01/2014 22:47

nope, it hurt like hell but now i have many hilarious anecdotes to share about pregnancy and childbirth...

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 20/01/2014 23:21

I would carry and deliver for other women if I wasn't so old and decrepit - I loved being pregnant, and after the first one even, not enjoyed exactly, but took pride and liked the actual birth process, the results are SO worth it and once my family was complete, I would have loved to be able to do it so that someone else could have a child. If I'd been in perfect health I would have seriously looked into surrogacy, even being 36 when my youngest DC was born.

poopadoop · 20/01/2014 23:54

done it a few times, glad to have, but yes, in a shot

poopadoop · 20/01/2014 23:55

i mean having done it, it would be nice to have another w/o the pregnancy and labour faff and fears

beabea81 · 20/01/2014 23:58

If I had the money I would def pay a surrogate to carry a second baby for me, i was left with a permanent pelvic disability from having my daughter 3 years ago and am in constant pain. I would love to give my dd a sibling but sadly that can't happen for us, it's a constant issue for me of feeling sad and guilty, so yes I would use a surrogate!

Thants · 20/01/2014 23:59

Beabea81. Why don't you adopt?

stopgap · 21/01/2014 01:14

Maybe for my third. I'd love a third child, but after developing Hashimoto's after the first, and developing gestational diabetes after the second, I do wonder about the autoimmune delights a third baby might wreak on my body.

piratedinosaursgogogo · 21/01/2014 02:30

As someone who ended up adopting after mcs and failed fertility treatment, I do find the OP question to be a bit offensive. I'm struggling to explain why though. I'm not offended by any of the responses to the question though, I'm quite aware already of what I've missed out on by not giving birth to my child.

Our son was 8 months when we adopted him. What I would like to say though, is that on more than one occasion I made comments about 8 months being the perfect age to get a baby because by the time he came to us he was sleeping through, eating etc

I obviously didn't mean it honestly, it was a comment that I rolled out usually when I was with people with their (bio) babies as a bit of self-protection and so I felt I 'fitted' in. I guess that Oona King's comment was a similar attempt to deal with her situation.

Bertana · 27/01/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PterodactylTeaParty · 27/01/2015 12:29

I don't think I wpuld, no. But maybe. I had a horrendous pregnancy (sick right through until the day after DD was born, needed 10 fillings after because of what it did to my teeth) and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through - looking after a newborn was a doddle after that. I have considered adopting rather than going through hyperemesis again, though.

bigbluestars · 27/01/2015 12:38

I loved being pregnant, loved the feeling of a baby move inside me and loved giving birth.

But then I was as fit as a fiddle during my pregancies- no sickness, no stretch marks, no stitches or tears. I was out doing a big weekly shop around Tesco less than 24 hours after giving birth.

I can't say there has been any long term effects on my body, apart from the fact that my sexual enjoyment has reached amazing new heights- I definitely think that has to do with childbirth.

mrsm16 · 27/01/2015 12:39

No and I say that as someone 6 months into a pretty shitty 2nd pregnancy, I'm counting down the days until my babies arrive but I wouldn't want to miss out on this experience either! maybe it's because ds1 is currently napping so I can lie in bed and rest getting lovely little kicks!

Allstoppedup · 27/01/2015 12:42

I hated my pregnancy and labour obviously wasn't a blast but wouldn't give up that experience for all the world. I feel very lucky to have been able to carry my children.

The excitement of first kicks, the whole labour experience...for every bit I hated there was a special memory that I will always treasure.

olgaga · 27/01/2015 12:46

Looking back, the pregnancy and birth of my DD (13) was the easy bit!

cornflakegirl · 27/01/2015 12:50

I really didn't enjoy pregnancy, had several miscarriages and SPD. We stopped at two mainly because I didn't want to be pregnant again. But I imagine the emotions in watching someone else be pregnant with your baby are quite complicated, so I'm not sure it's an easy choice. Unless I could make DH do it ;)

Writerwannabe83 · 27/01/2015 12:52

Being pregnant was amazing. To grow a baby and feel it moving around inside you is something so special, I can't even explain how overwhelming it is and how emotional it was for me. I used to love stroking my bump and feeling my baby squirm around, I found such comfort in it.

There's no way I would ever want to miss out on carrying the baby. Pregnancy was pretty rough at times but knowing my baby was in me was wonderful.

eggface · 27/01/2015 13:28

I did pay someone - a gestational surrogate. And I fed baby too, by inducing lactation.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate not having to go througn birth. But that's a tiny crumb of comfort from the years of infertility, painful IVF, and the upwards of 50k we eventually spent on the whole thing, beginning to end.

I have massive respect for all those who go through birth - especially those who do it for someone else! However, whatever the pain, if you carry yourself. your baby is safe with you, all the time. You're in charge - what you eat, how you run your pregnancy, is up to you. How you birth, where you are, who is there, is up to you. Nobody else can affect your baby but you. If baby is inside someone else, you are a hostage to fortune every single minute. Even when the baby is born it isn't yours - you have six nailbiting months before you get the parental order which gives you responsibility for your own child.

Our surrogate was fantastic but living through a pregnancy where someone else has your precious child is a terrible imbalance of power to live with for nearlya year. I find it hard to imagine that anyone would really choose it.

Theveryhungrycaterpillar123 · 27/01/2015 13:30

Zombie thread folks!

Disappointing as I was going to reply. Anyway, I have two DC and won't be having anymore due to haemorrhaging after both and having long recoveries. So yes if someone else could do that for me I would have another.

Heels99 · 27/01/2015 13:33

No but I had years of Ivf and don't judge those who need surrogates

fancyanotherfez · 27/01/2015 14:36

I yearn to be pregnant and even give birth again, but I'd pay someone to do the first maybe 3 months, until they have them into a sleep routine, passing them back to breastfeed, which I also loved and then maybe hand them back properly at 18 months then take them away again at 3...I'd also do the pregnancy and birth for someone else, although I'm not sure anyone would want my old gimmer body for their baby!

AnotherChangeforMonday · 27/01/2015 16:00

Yes yes yes yes yes.

Birth wasn't too bad but pregnancy, and hormonal nonsense for the, oh, 4 years or so afterwards, was hideous.

I'd love more DC, and if I could afford a surrogate would probably do it. But no way can I face pregnancy again.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/01/2015 16:13

I'm not sure of my answer, I hated pregnancy and birth but I loved feeling DD moving around inside of me, she was very active and I really enjoyed that part.

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