If you could pay someone to carry & deliver your children for you, would you?

[Queeniethecorgi]

I read an article with Oona King's surrogate today where she stated that Oona told her that 'she felt lucky as she didn't have to be the one to push it out'.

I'm childfree, but have read on here what childbirth and pregnancy does to your body, even when it goes well-- and the long lasting effects of when it goes wrong.

I think the only biological benefit for women is a reduced risk of cancer from breastfeeding?

So if you could still have your children but not have had to carry & deliver them yourself, would you? And as we've already suspended disbelief once, let's say you could feed them breast milk as well.

Two separate issues here-oona is clearly counting her blessings and looking on the bright side. Someone who has had fertility issues has to come to terms with many things. She has had to come to terms with not being the one to carry and deliver her babies.
We had to use a sperm donor. That was our thing to come to terms with, which we have. To the odd few, I might flippantly comment that I feel lucky not to have to worry about contraception. Would I take worrying about contraception over the pain of infertility-of course I would, although I now wouldn't change my amazing three children for anything.
And no, I wouldn't choose to have someone carry and birth my babies. Truly, I loved being pregnant despite all it's discomfort and inconvenience and its wrecking ball effect on my body. Feeling our babies growing was astonishing, surreal and a privilege. And weirdly, labour in all it's intensity and pain was amazing. The three moments of birth I experienced were just sublime. Messy, painful but sublime.

Had nine miscarriages before ds, and until the amnio came back fine I was very tense, but from that moment on it was the most wonderful experience ever. Felt great. Birth was beautiful. Took about 18 months for everything to be back to normal healthwise but I got there. Wouldn't change it for all the tea in China.
Paying a surrogate is generally something you do because you have no alternative.

I would happily have someone have a baby for me and have the baby after

I have never wanted to carry or birth a baby

If there was a lab that could grow me a baby in a machine with no risk of anything going wrong, then I'd think about it for second and subsequent babies, although I'm glad I experienced pregnancy and birth. I don't think I could put another woman through the risks and emotions of carrying a baby for me. What if she suffered long term damage, or died in childbirth? How would I live with myself?

No chance, I adored being pregnant and I'm desperate to do it again soon. I had an absolute dream pregnancy though.

QOD i hope this thread hasn't upset you, I didn't think about those who had when replying

Never. There are lots of amazing things in life....for me over the years since childhood - the buzz of dancing on stage, athe exhilaration of snowboarding pristine snowy mountains, the joy of six months travelling, falling in lust and love, the giddy triumph of achievement.

None of those things touch carrying and birthing my three sons. Son 1 left my body pristine...no stretch marks, back to normals clothes straightaway. Sons 2 & 3 left their mark a more but I don't care....

No

What

Oh FFS!!!

What I mean to say was, no, I like being pregnant. Hated giving birth mind. Told everyone DS was going to be an only child as I never wanted that excruciating pain ever again!

Oh yes! I would definitely. I did have a really awful time with severe hip pain and sciatica, after giving birth, when the epidural and diclofenac injections wore off I had such intense pain I literally collapsed on the floor and could only crawl to the loo! The pain was unbearable. It took months of chiropractic treatment for it to pass, and I still get pain in the hips now and ds is 10! I would go through it all again for a second child but if I could have another without that suffering I would jump at the chance!

After having terrible Hyperemisis, I would definitely pay someone to carry a baby for me, I had a relatively easy labour so don't mind having the baby. We are considering having our second at the moment but the thought of me being sick again is putting my DH and I off

Never. Why would you?
Unless of course you physically couldn't do it yourself.
How selfish to think your body is more important than carrying your own child and furthermore that it is acceptable to you that the body of another woman is less than important than yours.
How selfish. Get a cat instead.

No. The 9mo of gestation are the easy bit.

Also, unconnected to OB but an observation on what you said re choosing not to carry/labour due to standard risk factors and/or vanity. If woman chose not to gestate/give birth for the reasons you listed in your OP (health risks, physical changes) then I am not comfortable at all with the idea of it being ok to put another woman through that because you are 'paying for it'. Ethically it sits very uncomfortably with me. Why are the stakes too high for you but when applied to another woman they don't matter?

(Obviously I use you meaning the woman employing the carrier)

I loved labour, so would not let anyone do that for me. I did not like being pregnant, but would still rather do it myself. I consider myself very lucky to have carried the baby and then pushed it out without too many problems.

My body is pretty much the way it was before I had DS. For every woman with a crippling post-birth injury, there are countless others for whom it is business as usual. Ordinarily, your body does not fall apart after producing a baby. Yes, it is a hell of a journey, but a great one at that.

X posts with Iwanna but same sentiment

Oh god I waxed too lyrical ...I think I am feeling broody

No, I had a stress free conceiving and carrying my babies. Quite enjoyed being pregnant and feeling the changes and the baby grow and move inside you. Births were crap though, don't do birth well.

And I meant OK (Oona King) not OB in my post !

In fact if we are playing fantasy... not only would I pay someone to be pregnant, and birth the baby, but I would also like a 24 hour nanny on tap too... and a chauffer... and a private tutor to teach phonics as I hate that too... and a chef to prepare 6 meals for three children per dinner time as they wont eat anything... and... well you get the picture!

YoureBeing - it must surely be an "AIBU to ask..."

My preg and birth were straight forward wwith no lasting affects so no I wouldn't pay to avoid it but if I could guarantee the same again I would do it for money.

There are other health benefits to pregnancy eg sorting our heavy periods, but overall pg and child birth is a net risk to a woman's life and health, and still one of the biggest causes of death in the developing world. So no, I wouldn't pay someone to do that for me.

Having said that, another woman did carry and deliver DD, and another woman did the new born slog, as DD is adopted. So I'm firmly in the place that it is for individuals and their partners to decide what is the best way for them to have a family.

I wouldn't want to miss either experience.

No not at all. I loved being pregnant and all the achiness the tiredness the getting bigger by the day. Feeling my baby move and kick and having that connection from very early on is such a joy. Even the labour and delivery I enjoyed. In fact I loved being pregnant so much I am considering being a surrogate for a friend who is having huge trouble conceiving.

If someone was to offer me such a huge help concerning my children I would ask for a housekeeper so I could spend as much time as possible with my lovely kids, even though they drive me mad sometimes