Expensive activity for one child, can't afford stuff for others

[Nataleejah]

My oldest does go-karting, and it costs an arm and a leg. It feels being very unfair for his brothers, but... Can't really pull a plug on it because he is thriving in there.

In my opinion, it's unfair to offer an activity to one child if you can't offer an activity to another. It doesn't have to be the same activity, or cost the same etc, but can you find something that you can do with just the other DC/DCs (even if it's just always taking them to the park, or for a walk etc, whilst your eldest is at go-karting?)

Are your other DSs bothered by it?

I think it is unfair to offer one child an expensive activity, if that means the others can't do anything.

However - if the others are not interested in doing an activity then I guess it is not a problem.

Could you stretch to a cheaper activity for the others - like Brownies/Cubs/football?

I would qualify kinkyfuckery's statement by saying it depends on a) how important the activity is to the child who is getting it b) whether the other children actually want an organised activity.

When I was a child, I really didn't like going off to activities: I like pottering around and being in charge of my own time. Ds is a bit the same: he would not take kindly to the idea that he has to do something because we are spending x amount/time on dd's actitivies.

Also, we would probably have prioritised dd's activity anyway as she had been through a very difficult time with health and school and this was literally her lifeline.

that's sure to build resentment in the future

Are you preventing the other two from doing activities or is it more of a theory thing?

Given that it is so expensive how did your DS get into go-karting?

I think its massively unfair and even if they don't really notice yet, because they are young or whatever, when they are older and do notice the shit will hit the fan...

Other two brothers are too young yet, but DS2 is starting school this year, so some sort of activity becomes an important prospect.

Is the go-karting a long-term thing?

Is there a free lunchtime activity your DS2 could take part in at school?

Once he starts school there may be activities which are reasonably priced. For example, at dcs' school there is football coaching after school which costs about £3.50 pw which is affordable (unless of course you're on a super-restricted budget).

Why does it become an important prospect? He may become interested in foodball or somthing thats relativly cheap to pursue but at 4/5 down time is more important. If he does want to do somthing more expensive then you shoul have a re think as and gocarting can alwsys be every other week or similar.

It is unfair to give one child access to an expensive activity if it means the others will have to accept something lesser. Is your DS old enough to earn money towards his expensive hobby? Is he serious enough about it that sponsorship is a possibility? If not, and if the family budget won't stretch, then choices and sacrifices may have to be made. That's life...

might the younger ones also get into karting? is there an economy of scale if you have two competing.

We pay for one child who loves and is brilliant at one activity. The others aren't interested in anything particular : I suppose the only issue is are you not allowing the others to try stuff and thereby find something they would be amazing at?
For us it was kind of organic, they all tried a few things and over time this stuck. I really don't think there will be any resentment later on.

The go-carting thing is long term, and it is serious, to the point that motor sports could become his future career. We could squeeze in his brothers when they are old enough, but DS2 seems to be a completely different person -- he really likes music, so we're thinking of a music teacher and piano, stuff like that, but it seems out of our price range at the moment.

My boys are teens and grown up now and I found it all evened out in the end. One may choose expensive music lessons for a while, the other just cubs, the other a hermit phase.

The only important thing is how the boys feel about the level of financial input put into one over the other of them. Not what other people think.

Ask them. Maybe the second child is happier to have more of your time spent on him than money?

I wouldn't bother with piano etc at 4/5 years old. Leave it a couple of years and re-asses then. I agree with the poster who said that down time is more important than activities when they start school.

I'm assuming your eldest is 10 or over, ds2 4? Older children are far more expensive than younger ones. And what Creamy said, basically.

Who in their right mind insists on spending the same on a 12yo as they do a 5yo?

If it is serious then do you need to start actively seeking sponsorship opportunities. The danger here is not just the cost but the time. How are you going to manage if DS1 starts to go further afield? Younger 2 could be very resentful if the not only cant do something of their own because of cost but also because of time.

That's true about the time spent with the other DC when one is doing an activity. Mine still love it if they get me or DH to themselves and we do things like cooking with them. I never found mine were adding up the money in the way a grown up may.

How old is go-karting child? Unless they are much older than the one starting school to be identifying it as important to his future career seems a little early.

I agree it does come down to what the other children want, but if for example you have a daughter who wants to go to dancing classes and may have the potential to enter that profession but you can't send her because of the costs of go-karting I think it will build huge feelings of favouritism and resentment.

Will you be able to fund even low costs hobbies such as rainbows, cubs, football kit, swimming lessons for the others, or is all your spare cash going to be going on just one child?

What you don't want is in 30 years time, your DCs to be posting here about DB being the favourite child and them having had to spend all their weekends hanging about go kart tracks because of him while they never got a go.

Hopefully it'll even out, a different child may have cheaper interests or none at all but you are right to keep an eye on it. best case scenario - you have lovely well balanced adults who are all expressing themselves through different careers and interests. Worst case - the youngest can still remember that they couldn't go on holiday because all the money was spent on DBs karting, and he doesn't have a career in motorsport anyway.

We already have some sponsorship for DS1, like he will go to a summer camp in USA this summer and it is paid for, just we need to pay for flights, etc.
And time is really an issue. Well, its usually DH and relatives who are the most involved.

My eldest has riding lessons, but due to the cost only goes every fortnight, the other 2 do other things which are cheaper but every week, I have explained it to them and despite being young they understand and I think it gives them an idea about money and the cost of things.