Expensive activity for one child, can't afford stuff for others

[Nataleejah]

My oldest does go-karting, and it costs an arm and a leg. It feels being very unfair for his brothers, but... Can't really pull a plug on it because he is thriving in there.

Nataleejah You're very brave to go forth with the go-karting. It may get incredibly expensive, which is why DH put his foot down and didn't let DS1 even start. Had DH seen things differently, I could easily have ended up in the same situation as you.

As it is, my younger two DC do lots of activities, while DS1 does none....because the only thing he would ever really want to have done and stuck at is go-karting.

Your younger two are much younger, so I think lots of music lessons, swimming lessons or whatever are a while off, but something you are going to have to pay for, even if you sacrifice other things such as holidays or big Christmas presents.

I know of people who have dropped out of racing, after progressing quite far and spending £££££££ as without being really rich going any further justwasn't possible.

Good luck to your DS!

I personally don't think it's fair for one child to do an activity, which means others go without. Whilst your other ds is still young, this may change in a few years time, and you may have issues around it. Either he puts it on hold until he's able to get a part time job to help fund it, or you have to find the money fir other ds activities from somewhere!

I don think anybody's saying eldest cant do go-karting because the others can't do go-karting, but if the others are having to (currently or in future) do without piano lessons or whatever moderately-priced activity fosters their own interests, then eldest might have to face the possibility that he can't do go-karting because yours is not a family that can afford that kind of activity. It's a hard lesson for a kid that's been brought up to expect it, but a lesson worth learning.

I like BeepBeep's point: maybe you should consider him going once a fortnight rather than once a week. Or, like in our family, horse riding is for summer holidays and birthday treats. And honestly I think the sponsorship and possible career in motorsports are complete red herrings... Clearly the sponsorship is nowhere near meeting your costs, and it has to be one of the least reliable career plans I've heard yet.

DD was doing ballet and tap but DD and DS got the chance to do karate.

DD had to give up her dance, so they could both do karate. That was fair.

I really don't think it matters.
We have a higher disposable income with dd and were broke when the older two were little. However, we encouraged their activities which thankfully were cheap or free. Why is this more likely for boys?
Anyway, we can offer far more for dd and the ds's are really pleased for her and aren't bothered she has thousands more spent on her.

YANBU. I don't see any problem with this. Your ds2 does not need outside activities at the moment. He will be better doing things with yourself and DH. Once he starts school you can look into whether he may be offered a musical instrument through school. You could look for a pre school music that you could attend together.

I can see your quandary here. DS1 is having a great time with the promise of a future and expensive exciting trips dangled in his face. IF,when it comes down to it h.s family can stump up the costs. Yes a free trip to America is great but you have to stump up for flights which is a huge cost.

DS2 and 3 are very young and unless you feel they need pushing into a career deciding hobby before the end of primary school you can get a way with no activities for a while. Swimming doesn't have to be in the form of a weekly lesson. Cycling can just be a cycle around the park. Music is a great thing to learn but at 5 he may be too young for the piano.

I think you have to find something they enjoy and also see if DS1's karting is worth persuing. Give him a timescale. If after another year or so if he hasn't got a full sponsor you will have to stop or reduce his sessions.

As DS2 is only 4 his choice of activities could have changed by the time he is interested in and old enough clubs. He might be expressing an interest in music now but in two years time it could be football or chess or drama classes, or even go-karting. Save worrying about that until then.

Even if you only have one child, a family has to decide what it can afford and what it can't.

I was really talented at horse riding but we never got a horse as my parents just said they couldn't afford it.

So I learnt to enjoy riding for fun, knowing I was never going to compete. I'm not Zara Philips now but I'm very happy with my life.

You have to decide if you are a family where one person does karting for fun every other weekend, and maybe ends up with a career in motorsport that isn't as a racing driver, or if you are millionaires (if he and you think he will be an F1 driver)

Sorry, posted too soon.
We intend to spend a similar amount on them throughout their life.
I'm sure they'll need help with deposits for houses, wedding costs, cars, etc. There is always something you can help with in terms of finances. I wouldn't worry, it will equal itself out eventually.

The driving lesson example is shit.

A 12 year old at 12 would not have lessons but that same 12 year old at 17 more than likely would.

If you pay for one you should at least intend to pay for all with stuff like that.

Did I read this right - you are saying go-karting could be a serious career option for your DS1 - and he's only 10! sorry this is going to seem harsh but get a grip - he's 10. OK now he may love go-karting and you may have the finances to support him at this age - but when will that stop - when he's 16, 18, 20 ??
As you can tell it really annoys me when parents start talking careers when their child is barely in double figures.

Someone up thread mentioned about other siblings being sensitive to financial pressures and not asking for stuff; please don't underestimate this - OK 5 may be too young, but 8, 9, 10 not so much. at the very minimum you need to be managing your DS1 expectations about future careers (irrrespective of money) and your ability to fund his very expensive hobby. He's only one member of the family there are 4 others.

I think you could end up with little or no relationship with your younger DC when they are adults.

My brother had a hobby where money was pumped into it. My sister did her activities, I couldn't do ballet because my sister decided she didn't want to go, so my mother wasn't bothered with taking me because according to her I wouldn't be any good at it, and she'd rather be somewhere else!

All our holidays were planned round my brother's hobby, even my birthday parties. It didn't all even it's self out in the end, I knew right back then at 5 that it wasn't fair and I was 3rd best.

I hardly speak to my parents now, because I am still 3rd best, as are my DC. But, in everything in their lives, if one of my DC has done something I have always made sure I have had the money so the other one could do it if they wanted to.

I think the question is: if your other two decide that they want to take up karting, will you be able to finance all three of them doing this hobby? Because if not, it seems very unfair that only the oldest should have the opportunity and the others be denied it because they came along later.

Yabvvvvu

If you don't offer the others what you have to the first.

Why should they suffer as second class in the family?

Really really not on. There will be the possibility of resenting him, and disliking you for it.

It's not just the financial aspect, it's the family time spent on taking ds to said activities. I assume training and race meetings are very time-hungry, thus taking away from the other sibs

I used to get the hump as my sister had piano & horse riding lessons paid for.

I used to enjoy going to watch the local football team and would have to find the bus fare and admission money from my own pocket money.

op the fact my sister got to do expensive hobbies and I didn't get my (far cheaper) hobby as much as I'd like rankled somewhat.

I think at 10 it is possible to tell if a child possibly has a career in racing, music, ballet, tennis players, etc, or not.

But you need to remember, only a handful of ten year olds with potential to become professionals will actually make it to the top.

I was able to rule out the the possibility of DD being a professional ballet dancer aged 3yo.

sock OP's ds2 is 4. He can no more do karting (at least not remotely seriously) than my imaginary 12yo dd2 can take driving lessons.

When OP's ds2 is 10 maybe he'll want to do something expensive, in which case his parents will need to reconsider if money is still an issue - in the meantime it seems perfectly reasonable to allow the eldest to pursue his interest.

If he has sponsorship already then I imagine he's pretty bloody good at it - I know a lot of young karters and none of them have had sponsorship so young.

DP karting is how pretty much all motorsports competitors get into the game. Of course vanishingly few are going to get to be the next Paul Di Resta (although that would be pretty awesome) let alone Lewis Hamilton, but there are many more paths to take than being an F1 driver. Like football or tennis, they all start very, very young.

Lynette :(

OP I absolutely see where chandlery is coming from, but as long as your son's expectations are managed carefully and as long as the others don't lose out too much, go for it. fwiw the younger siblings of the karters I know seem to quite enjoy going along to races and supporting their older siblings. When they don't, then it's time to reassess. Also there are two of you - you don't all have to go along to every event and every training session.

There are also ways of taking part less expensively, albeit with fewer opportunities to get ahead, if you just want to keep his driving ticking over. It's still dear - just more riding lessons dear than re-mortgaging dear, iykwim.

Lynette the :( was in response to your first post.

Bowlers Why should they suffer as second class in the family? They don't have to! ds2 is 4 and ds3 is a newborn - their time will come for expensive pursuits, if that's what they want to do.

JohnnyBarthes excellent points and post.

I think children with talent deserve to have a go and see if they can make it; with the proviso that others also get opportunities to try things out. To be honest, seeing talent doesn't have to be expensive at the start; dd is a great writer and encouraging this hobby didn't immediately involve £££ on a laptop but gradually she has found online sites and we give her time to tell us about her stuff. We encourage her and she recently had a really positive letter from an agent (she's 14). It's about giving them chances not always cash. If you spot enthusiasm and talent then by all means start the more expensive financial commitments.

Sorry! Forgot the important bit. What I mean is dds interest hasn't suffered because of the cost of supporting ds2.

Sorry I should have been clearer, I have absolutely no bloody idea at all how I feel about the go karting or about activities in general,

My post was just about the driving lesson example