A word about 'bullying' in AIBU

[Alifelivedforwards]

Looooonnng time poster/leaver/lurker/delurker/name changer (let's say I have a love/hate relationship with Mumsnet like I know a lot of you do!).

The 'bullying' issue comes up again and again on AIBU.

In my opinion what happens is that there is so much traffic on here and if your OP pushes lots of buttons (usually in a negative way ie people strongly disagree with you) you will get a lot of responses very quickly.

Therefore you will get the same comments from many people who are cross posting with each other so it feels like people berating you as one gang.

Also, despite cries of 'RTFT', people don't always because they don't have time, so they might be repeating what others said.

I really don't think it's 'bullying', though of course sometimes people go too far and are unpleasant.

To those who say people turn into aggressive arseholes on AIBU - no it's pretty obvious that on an anon internet forum people can just be more direct and speak the thoughts they have in real life!

AIBU???

I'm wondering what the need for saying that the other thread was a 'twat beacon'? Bizarre and surprising.

I was actually bullied and persecuted by a man on MN. Not Aibu but news section who had an issue with my living in Qatar. I was actually quite scared by him and still remember him with a hatred. In rl I would have called the police. This is balanced by lovely supportive and caring if not sometimes utterly weird people who are ace. When I lost my old dog I received so much love from MN folk. Still hate that twat though.

Sure. I get what you are saying and I don't mean to seen argumentative but, whilst I concur that people cry bully all too often (having been called it myself) I am just dumbfounded that anyone can be unaware at the hyenas trawling aibu for a target.
I wonder if we are just desensitised or something.
I don't understand how people can read some of the shite on aibu and just say 'oh well/it's always been forthright/just hide it then'. It eludes me.

People piling in, competeing to craft the nastiest reply and we all go '[shrug] but it's aibu'

Forthright, hard talking is fine. That's not what's going on on here a lot now.

Why bizarre and surprising ?

A thread suggesting we try and be a bit less rude in aibu gets sarcastic, negative 'why don't you go and lick mnhq' replies almost imediately.

I think thats twatty and I think going to a thread about moderating behaviour to post rudely is treating it as a beacon to self justify .

I remember your thread about your dog, Theo. I think there is quite a large dog-loving population on MN. Hope you're feeling a bit less raw now.

Well I posted on that thread, Pagwatch, I thought it was a joke one and posted jokingly about Mallory Towers, etc. as did others, and it wasn't. It became a divisive thread that definitely turned a bit twatty en bloc, I think.

I wasn't suggesting everyone posting was twatty.
As I posted myself that would be something of an own goal

You are seeming a wee bit argumentative if I may be so bold, Pagwatch, but you obviously feel strongly about this and I admire people fighting the good fight against twattishness on here and in RL....and I know I am going on and on like a stuck record so sorry!

Ummm, I don't know what to say other than honestly I've not noticed any more goady fuckers than there ever were than AIBU.

Like Everlong, I generally notice the good...in fact I get more annoyed by the totally made up endless exaggerated OPs about old ladies being rude to posters' kids in supermarkets or mums at the school gates being utter bastards etc etc than the odd horrible person spewing bile. But then that's always been the way too!

^ in AIBU, not than

For heavens sake why do you keep saying it's not necessary to RTT? Of course it is, especially the op's highlighted posts. You get posters apologising and saying they were bu and still people will pile in because they haven't read it.
On a long thread how can you comment if you don't read it?

no I certainly don't feel that at all op.

I have been on here for years and have both given and received lots of help and support, I have also used the phrase 'entitled cow' as the poster clearly was behaving like one and I have also been told to stop being a twat and quite right too, I had been.

what really boils my piss are those who post on AIBU and then get the massive hump when told they are.

bullying?? seriously?? adults who are anonymous and mumsnet through choice? get a grip.

I'm happy to go away if you only want people who agree with you

We can only respond to what we see.
I'm not dissing mn.if I wasn't fussed I would happily shrug and move on.
It's precisely because I think mn is fab that it irks me.
I became a woolly hugger today [proud], the support is amazing, the secret Santa is fab. When my sister died last year I got amazing support.

I just think if we start to accept aggressive posting, not in the heat of debate but as a first reaction, we diminish the site. That's all.
It actually bothers me more when people say its not bad because I wonder what the hell people thinks ok - how low is our bar set exactly?

But I am clearly annoying so I will go.

Fair enough Everlong

Yes I do report and they are deleted pretty much without fail. I. Am also trying to say 'oi, why so aggresive?' on the thread a bit more than I have of late. But it is in the beholder. Of course.

No no I was joking innit! You're not annoying, you are saying what a hell of a lot of people think. I just don't see it. Well, specifically I do not see it more than I did four or five years ago.

I'm so sorry about your sister.

I have reported people I consider to be really insensitive and offensive - not necessarily those being shouty or rude I suppose.

Thanks I will bugger off.i am making myself melancholy

I like that it's rumbustious, uncompromising and direct. it's a great antidote to bloody 'love you hunni' Facebook posts.

if someone is posting like a twat (hoping her mil would die soon,) thread from a few days ago, then surely they expect to be called up on it.

if someone is posting a sad problem or asking for real serious help they get it in sackfulls here.

These 'Adults' may be vulnerable people reaching out for help though. They may be very isolated and have no friends to chat to about things and so they come on here. This can lead to people being bullied and humiliated both in their own lives and on-screen. That's why a bit of self-censoring is necessary.

volestair? I used the 'b' word in the wrong place and I'm sorry for that, I absolutely agree that it's exceedingly overused and it's diluting the meaning of a very real issue.

Did you notice though, that I spelt your name correctly in every post?

Bullying doesn't have to be prolonged for it to interpreted as that.

How would you define it Goldenbear (genuine)?

I am a long term MNetter, namechange regularly though.

I find myself posting less recently as I feel there is less tolerance for people having different views. Even in AIBU there used to be long threads of heated argument and discussion but without the offence taken and personal insult I see now. Consequently I learned more about other people's lives and thoughts as I felt more able to ask a question or express an opinion, now I see a lot of threads and just hide them rather than even put my head above the parapet.

Agree with Pag though, she has said a lot of what I think. I still love MN too