A word about 'bullying' in AIBU

[Alifelivedforwards]

Looooonnng time poster/leaver/lurker/delurker/name changer (let's say I have a love/hate relationship with Mumsnet like I know a lot of you do!).

The 'bullying' issue comes up again and again on AIBU.

In my opinion what happens is that there is so much traffic on here and if your OP pushes lots of buttons (usually in a negative way ie people strongly disagree with you) you will get a lot of responses very quickly.

Therefore you will get the same comments from many people who are cross posting with each other so it feels like people berating you as one gang.

Also, despite cries of 'RTFT', people don't always because they don't have time, so they might be repeating what others said.

I really don't think it's 'bullying', though of course sometimes people go too far and are unpleasant.

To those who say people turn into aggressive arseholes on AIBU - no it's pretty obvious that on an anon internet forum people can just be more direct and speak the thoughts they have in real life!

AIBU???

OK you are getting a bit arsey yourself and I'm not quite sure why...but yes, again, I agree with you that people ideally should read the thread...

I truly don't see any difference now in AIBU than five years ago. I remember well the first time I wandered on to this board and it was absolutely ferocious!

Yabu OP

What you describe in the OP isnt bullying, you are right. But bullying exists on MN. There are repeat offenders here who do it for sport.

Penisbeaker has a lot to answer for, and it wasn't even funny.

I agree 100%

Yes Yourebeingasillybilly - I've mentioned two examples of bullying on AIBU on this thread so I agree. If you'd RTT as everyone on here has said should be a rule, you'd know that

I think you should RTFT, OP. Perhaps two people on this whole thread have said it should be a rule and put in the guidelines as a reminder. Hardly everyone.

I was responding to (and referred to) your OP. i didnt and dont need to read any further than that in order to answer your OP.

PA isnt cute either

Youre - Oh gosh, it was a joke because so many people (not me - I've argued against it!) have said reading the whole thread should be in the guidelines. Wasn't passive aggressive, was a wee (non aggressive, non bunfighty, non serious, light hearted) swipe at them...

Luke - OK then.

Two people, OP. Two. Not "so many".

Dearie me.

Ah apologies then OP, i guess i'd needed to have RTFT to know that!

Ha ha, no worries Youre!

Bones I can't see any properly cuntish posts on that thread you've linked to. Just people disagreeing with you.

I'm breaking every MN rule here, but maybe it's time to get your own house in order before accusing 'them' of cuntishness in the light of this posted by Justine. You said you accused someone of being whiney when you actually posted this:

'Bonesandskully, on the deletion of your post in particular, I'm afraid I just don't agree that this reflects a change in our modding or mod policy.

You posted in response to an OP about supermarkets and drug policy:
"Stop being so fucking whiny and just buy them from the goddam chemist"

It was the first response to the OP. There are a lot of posts on this thread bemoaning AIBU and the hostile atmosphere and worrying about how newbies might fare.'

Sorry - I just can't stand the hypocrisy tbh

I think there are plenty of cuntish comments on that thread.

yikes that was brought up very early on Skully's thread and she admitted she was guilty of it but wanted to mention PARD to others as she too felt in need of the reminder sometimes.

I am in danger here of forgetting where i am with all this cross thread posting

Yes for the better. The whole tone of the place has changed, I'd personally like it to revert back to the domain of those who put some thought into what they posted. I first posted on here in 2006 for pregnancy advice and people appeared to have much more of an informed view on topics. Equally, they didn't tell you that YWBU on 'chat' which I have experienced recently. I can argue my position quite well and am in no way intimidated by lots of posters disagreeing with me but increasingly I'm finding there is no debate to be had like there used to be as there is a 'mob rule' ethos. That's what makes it a potentially very 'dull' forum not calls for exercising some self-control.

I still see many, many clever, insightful, witty posts and posters on here Goldenbear.

Posters have been saying MN's changed for years!

I really don't see it or maybe I just subconsciously filter out posts that I don't find entertaining or valuable in any way...?!

(And I still see a lot of support too)

It's been said a million times but (in agreement with volestair) this is the only parenting site where you can be an adult as well as a parent - yes I mean the swearing, but also the lively and sometimes confrontational discussions, the searing, sometimes withering, wit...it's a difficult line to tread.

I do think we all know what constitutes out and out meanness and cruelty but the shades in between are harder to call.

volestair... I've apologised to lilyaldrin on that thread because the subtlety was there, I was too tired to read it and posted ill-advisedly. You did however, have a pop at scottishmummy that was a bit more than 'gentle piss-taking'. You weren't called a bully though but I do take your point that it's easy to miss 'tone', it really is easy to infer something other than what was intended. I though that your posts up-thread were really interesting.

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There are a lot of stroppy people on MN and a lot of them with very strong opinions.

I posted on Bones thread thinking it was a joke but it wasn't; all got very school-girlish and 'cliquey' even though we never, ever admit that this exists on MN. Even posters who are measured get the hump sometimes and jibe.

Generally though, if people think they are being bullied, they should tackle it with the 'bully' or report it to MNHQ, not start little threads about it for everybody to pile in.

Suggesting that there has been an increase in, and more tolerance of, aggressive and rude posting is not the same as saying that there are no longer witty, supportive or intelligent posters.

(I didn't start this thread about this other thread you are talking about and haven't seen it, just want to say this wasn't a TAAT...)

Pagwatch - I haven't noticed it is what I'm saying.