Please tell me if i was in the wrong here, need an outside perspective

[RandomUsername]

DH was at work this morning so was up at 4am

DS is away for the night so DHs plans where to get some beers in, watch the football then watch a film (both of is)

Now, DH has form for being a cunt when pissed so as soon as he mentions getting drink I can feel the anxiety.

After the football he asks me what I want to watch so I say the horror film. He says he was looking forward to the other film son I say "well just put what you want on, I'll watch either" i wasn't actually interested in the other film but like I said, I know he can be a cunt when pissed so I feel like I'm on eggshells.

He puts the horror film on. Half way through the film he's falling asleep, I say "are you not watching this with me?" He says "no, its shit" so I say "well in don't really want to watch it on my own" and knock it off.

He's absolutely fuming, slamming doors and saying I've ruined his Saturday night because I wanted to watch that film but I've knocked it off half way through, he could have watched his film, now its too late to put his film on because he's too tired.

He's made me feel fucking bad that he's been up since 4am for work, and now his night is ruined, he's called me a stupid bitch etc

Was I wrong? I told him to put what he wanted on, he put my film on

He was falling asleep, so what difference did it make to him if I carried on watching the film or knocked it off and watched Come fucking Dine With Me??

Accuses me of sitting here "with fucking puppy dog eyes" whilst he's ranting and raving. Then storms off to bed slamming the door on his way.

Honestly, is he being unreasonable or am I a complete bitch?

If he can't just have a couple of beers, whilst remaining reasonable then he needs to stop drinking completely.

Most people can have a couple of drinks and still operate like a normal person. Your husband can't and if he can't see that it scares you and worries you, then he needs to fuck off.

It started creeping back in with 'I'm just going to have a couple' then he'd come home with a crate and I'd be livid, he obviously can't handle his drink.

I got given a bottle of wine from one of my clients, I'm teetotal, I actually hid the wine in my car because I knew he'd drink it even though he doesn't like wine. How ridiculous is that?

I've just looked in the bin and he drank 7 bottles of lager and one bottle of fruit cider, so I know he was pissed because he's a fucking lightweight

That's a lot of alcohol by anybody's standards.

The more I think about it the more angry I'm getting because last year I fucking told him that when he walks in the house with drink I get that horrible sinking feeling in mystomach, that iI start feeling on edge. I shouldn't have to fucking feel like this in my own home.

And when I told him that I originally blamed it on my step dad because that's how I felt when he came home with booze, but this is fuck all to do with my step dad, I feel that way because of him and his fucking behaviour.

7 lagers and a cider

I wouldn't get through that in a month. And I like a drink.

So it's really not just a couple of beers then. He has to drink until all the alcohol is gone and that means he has a drink problem.

Yes it's nothing to do with that NO one should have to out up with that, but given he knows what you had to put up with he is being spectacularly cunty by doing it to you again.

You don't need his permission to leave him - it doesn't matter if he agrees or think you're unreasonable. He may never see your point of view. It's still valid.

I know you're not at the LTB stage necessarily but I wanted to say that as it sounds like you are trying to get him to see what an arse he is being. He may never see it. But it doesn't matter. You can take action anyway.

I've told him before that I can't make him stop drinking, because that's his life and I don't have power over it, but I do have power over my own life, and I don't have to stay with somebody who treats me badly when drunk.

He's just pulled up outside

He's a binge drinking alcoholic.

And even if he wasn't he knows you hate something and is doing it anyway??

I'll compare it again: if DH told me he was banning me from having alcohol in the house I'd tell him to fuck off.

If DH told me that he was scared and walked on eggshells because I became abusive when I was drinking and he didn't want it in the house, especially because we have DC I wouldn't do it.

Because I love and respect him and my dc. And because I'm not an alcoholic so I actually can stop...

I think you're right to tell him it's you or the alcohol. You have no quality of life like this.

I tell my DP to stay out till midnight when he's been drinking. He's always saying "i'll just pop in for one and then come home for tea" and I say "no, you are always welcome but that twat you turn into when you are drunk isn't" and when he argues I say "Don't tell me what that twat is like because you never meet him "
No way would I be making arrangements for his post booze entertainment.

Sorry OP hadn't read the whole thread. I couldn't handle a home drinker at all :(

YANBU, he's a complete tw*t. My advice divorce the prick and move on, he isn't going to change. Sorry, it's not very helpful.

I've just looked in the bin and he drank 7 bottles of lager and one bottle of fruit cider

I though his problem might just be his individual reaction to alcohol (once knew someone who was famous for punching a stranger every time he drank whiskey) but that is a lot of alcohol, so he's an alcoholic as well as being someone who experiences an adverse personality change.

I think you need to be clear in your mind that you are not going to argue or debate this issue with him. Think it through and give him a precise ultimatum, tell him exactly what he has to do and exactly what will happen if he doesn't and be prepared to go through with the threat exactly.

You should probably put it in writing and give it to him in circumstances where he can't immediately respond, otherwise he will just turn it into an argument and the ultimatum will be forgotten as simply the opening sally of an argument that achieved nothing.

Another one with a Dad like this. It's a horrible way to live. I left home at 18 and keep my distance. Your DS will thank you for taking a stand. A part of me will never forgive my mother for not doing so.

Part of me doesn't forgive my mother from shielding me from it too Snake I saw and heard far too much.

I haven't spoke to him yet, but I will say my piece.

Hope it went ok op? X

Yes hope you have got somewhere with him

Me too, I hope it went all right.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Talk to them for an outside perspective, it is completely confidential.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

What a tantrum!!

How about watching something you both want to watch and saving the footy/horror for another day when you are alone

Ps that is a lot of alcohol in one go. It's 16 units in total (7 cans) and his weekly limit is 21