to hate baby & toddler groups!

[domoarigato]

I go for my daughter's benefit, but boy do I loathe them. I had to switch days due to going back pt. I'd just started getting on with 3 moms. Now I'm there on a different day and chat with 2 ladies, but the others are so cold and cliquey. What do you think the reason for this is?

Some insight would be great! I just don't understand what they have to gain by being like that! Oh well... I went to a girls' school so I've seen a fair few bitchy things in my time! I just know if I join yet another group it'll be the same, as it was in the last 2 I went to!

I never bothered going to them. If I'm going to sit on my own whilst watching the dc play I might as well do it in the comfort of my own home. I hate feeling left out and I hate being forced to socialise; and I don't see how forcing yourself to go somewhere where you're ignored and botched about can be good for your child. If you don't like it, don't go.

Some people just aren't nice! I've made some great friends at baby groups and we now met outside of the groups!

Some people just aren't nice! I've made some great friends at baby groups and we now met outside of the groups!

They are not cold and cliquey.

Usually they have made friends and simply look forward to seeing them and having a chat.

when you are engrossed in conversation are you looking round for the one person who is sat out?

I have been to tons of baby groups, and mostly its down to the person organising it, usually its laissez faire all muck in, some make an effort with you to chat and so on.

there was one group I went to that had a very strong old guard who had been there since dc 1, now on dc 2 and 3, they were very loyal to the group leader and it was the only clique I had come across.

I hated being in close quarters with a bunch of people. I'd rather have say and read or watched the children rather than have to make small talk with people I would never have wanted to socialize with otherwise.

I went because it was good for my daughter but breather I sigh of relief when DD was at the age where she was walking to and from school without me so I didn't need to make small talk.

Yanbu. They were torture to me 10 years ago, now the thought of going back to them doesn't fill me with joy.

BUT I'm 10 years on, 43 years of age and a bolshy confident gobshite who doesn't give a fiddlers fart about arsy gaggles of women who have no interest in me.
Frankly I will go for my little fella, cos it's great for him, but meh, not bothered if no one bothers with me.

I just can't be arsed to even care!

I don't go anymore.
but the stuff you miss - let me link a brilliant thread soon.
you'll piss yourselves laughing

I always sat next too a grandma
Always the most friendliest person there without fail
Much easier to chat to about the weather or whatever

I stopped going because I got fed up of being cold shouldered by very cliquey mums. Also, because my 'face didn't fit' in one group they found it difficult to reconcile the fact that I spoke English with a British accent. They kept on making references to me 'going home' & 'how long are you in the UK for?' eventhough I have a broad northern accent.

A bunch of idiotic women who unfortunately have given birth.

I hate them with a passion! I also detest the small talk you have to make with the other mums...i find them just non stop baby chat. I would enjoy them if the women had conversations about something else!

I hate them too, and only go so the Dcs can have some friends. I find it hard to relax and chat as I always feel like I am going to say something stupid.

Someone on a thread like this commented once 'why do you think you have much in common with people who just happened to have sex at the same time as you?' I thought that summed it up pretty well!

I don't mind them and I do it just to get DDs out of the house and socialising. Though I tend to float through life thinking that everyone likes me and trample all over any cold shoulders so perhaps I just haven't noticed the cliques!

I hate them too. I want to talk about rubbish telly, and clothes, and films, and new workout classes I've seen featured in magazines, and holidays....just anything other than babies. I have a baby...he's lovely but it just not that interesting talking about developmental phases etc.

I usually get cold shouldered when I try to being the conversation round to something else, i.e 'ooh that's a nice top your daughter's wearing. There's a lot of appliqué about this season. John Lewis have got a really good summer collection this year haven't they?!' Usually met with , and turning to the next woman to talk about how often baby feeds.

Great fun.

READ THIS THREAD!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1672284-Whats-the-most-barking-thing-youve-witnessed-at-a-mums-group

this is what I promised to link, it's just hilarious!

I agree that 'cliques' aren't necessarily deliberate - I meet up with friends at a few different groups, and we chat to each other because we are already friends. It's not that we aren't friendly or chat to other mums when we're there, but I know for most of us we aren't looking to make new friends when we go - it's somewhere for our kids to tire themselves out where we can catch up with one another. We have a shared history, so if someone new joins us, it means we have to engage in small talk or have conversations which might make no sense to anyone else.

I've been going to the same group since DC1 and now on DC3, I still remember what it's like to be new and will always try and include people sitting alone into a conversation. If someone made the effort to comment onmy child in order to strike up conversation i'd never leave them hanging, thats just damn rude

The barking mums group thing is very funny!

Naked pan pipe lady undoubtedly wins hands down

Don't get me wrong 2tired - it's not that I would ignore someone who had spoken to me, or not make an effort to include someone who was obviously alone and wanting an 'in' as it were, but between trying to keep an eye on my son and holding half a conversation with one of my friends I wouldn't necessarily notice if someone was hovering nearby or sitting with their child and hoping someone would come over and instigate a conversation.

Sometimes you do have to make the effort yourself, though. Yes it can be daunting if you're there by yourself but, as others have mentioned, the 'cliques' may already know each other.

Nobody is going to turn their back on you if you go up and talk to them and if they do they are bloody rude and not worth bothering with anyway.

I agree with you DoJo that was more in response to Guernsey's experience

They are cold and cliquey because that's what they are like. It's not a reflection on you. Sadly there isn't always anyone friendly at these groups. You'd think people would remember what it was like to be new, and go out of their way to smile and include newcomers, wouldn't you? It's selfish when people rigidly stick to who they already know. It's polite to welcome new people, and when a newcomer tries to join in, to be friendly in return. It's just basic good manners and consideration.

Loved the ones I went to and make some good friends.
Never experienced all these cliques people talk about, don't experience it at the school gates either.

i don't mind them but i've never made any 'lifelong friends' out of them as some people do. no one likes me!