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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ok so im a bitch , but am u being an unreasonably heartless bitch ??

78 replies

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 22:23

Name Changed as im a regular and not sure how this is going to go chicken Blush

Right so i have been seeing this bloke for around a year now , He is nice yadaa yadaa but their is a few things niggling me and im not so sure wether to say anything or if aibu .

He is 30yo and im 27 we dont live together but see each other as often as possible as we live in neighbouring towns .

His very elderly and very ill 89yo Grandad died recently (6th jan) , he was given 24 hours to live on the 1st december , I told partner to spend as much time as possible with him etc and not to worry about me anyway to my point .
fast forward to now partner is ringing me everyday saying his grandads death was so unexpected etc and he cant cope and while at work today he told customers to fuck off so was sent home .

Now i understand he is grieving which is obvious as his grandad has just died but seriously their is a time and a place and speaking to people that way and treating people like dirt and expecting them to do whatever you want and be where ever you say just because of this is ridiculous .

He keeps expecting me to cancel whatever i am doing despite it being important (lots of court dates and important meetings etc) and go to his so he can cry on my shoulder about how unexpected it was etc it just makes me so angry Angry

It wasn't unexpected he was given plenty of time to spend time with him and make his peace etc .
I wasn't given that chance with any of my 4 grandparents as they all died unexpectedly , So to be given that chance to know his Grandad was dying was a good thing iyswim (sorry i can't think of a better way to phrase it) .

He is just crying constantly everyday and when he is not crying he is playing on his god dam playstation instead of seeking help for his grief and expecting me to shoulder everything when i have enough on my plate and when i ring/message him it starts all over again and i feel like shouting 'Man up' Sad

I said he could have one of my Cats Kittens to keep him company and try to cheer him up and because i were unable to drop it round this week due to me been very ill he has gone mental at me because i couldn't manage the 2 hour bus ride with an 8 week old kitten while trying not to vomit, so he rings me saying right ill be their in half an hour for the kitten while am in an important meeting and then went mad when i were not home [hhm] All which he blames on the grief from his Grandad dying .

Sorry for the rambling its just really bugging me .

So am i a completely heartless bitch and do i need to be more sympathetic ??
I probably am but i just needed to get this out of my head

Awaits flaming

OP posts:
hippo123 · 16/01/2014 22:27

Despite his grandad I think he's acting like a bit of an arse actually. He'll be lucky to keep his job if he told people to fuck off!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 16/01/2014 22:28

sorry but he sounds really difficult.

PumpkinPositive · 16/01/2014 22:28

I'm getting awfully cynical in my early middle age... Hmm

InPursuitOfOblivion · 16/01/2014 22:29

Yanbu. Grief does do weired things to people but its not a free pass to behave like a knob jockey.

Waltonswatcher1 · 16/01/2014 22:30

Finish it.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/01/2014 22:31

Drop him.

You sound daft though, what numpty drops a tiny kitten round after a 2 hour bus trip to 'play with'. Get a grip.

RedorBlack · 16/01/2014 22:31

I read the first sentences fully prepared to say yabu, but having read the full story I'm with you. It sounds like he is behaving like a stroppy kid and this is the perfect excuse. What was his behaviour like before?

Having said all that, grief .hits different people in different way. But I don't blame you for feeling fed up

VikingLady · 16/01/2014 22:31

He's a twat. Nothing to do with grief.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 16/01/2014 22:31

Tell him to talk to Samaritans or Cruse Bereavement. Jobs are hard to get right now, you can't afford to let him put yours in jeapordy.

SeaSickSal · 16/01/2014 22:32

YABU. If he wasn't like this before then it's just because he's greiving. I think you're being heartless.

I think that telling someone who is greiving to 'man up' is horrible. Do you find it more acceptable for women to grieve?

I think the idea that he 'got to spend lots of time with him' should mean that he isn't upset is really horrible too. It doesn't mean he should automatically feel fine about the whole thing.

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 22:32

Phew

Thats what i thought when he told me he told customers to fuck off i was Shock

its a Charity shop he volunteers in which i think makes it worse because if a member of staff told me to fuck off i certainly wouldn't go back

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/01/2014 22:32

I would not tolerate this, grandad karked it or not

Did his grandad raise him ?

I will probably get a kicking for this, but his reaction is really not a normal one after the death of a grandparent

remind him that life is for the living and I am sure his grandad (who managed a grand old age) would have said the same

Supercosy · 16/01/2014 22:32

ummmm no you are certainly not a heartless bitch. I know people grieve diffferently but I've been around many grieving people and none of them have been as unpleasant or unreasonable as that, not unpleasant at all in fact. I'm sorry to say it but he sounds like he is a bit of an attention seeker.

thornrose · 16/01/2014 22:32

Are you really a regular? You don't sound like one!

Bootycall · 16/01/2014 22:33

it's unusual to have a grand parent alive at 30 isn't it?

he sounds a childish immature twat to be honest.

red flag for me op. life can deal you a dreadful deal sometimes and sorry but the death of an 89 year old grandparent isn't unexpected or life changing, it's just a sad but natural occurance.

ArgyMargy · 16/01/2014 22:33

YABU to give him a kitten - what's that all about?! And YABU generally. Clearly he is upset and who are you to judge his grief?

Goldmandra · 16/01/2014 22:33

LTB

Seriously.

He was angry because you didn't want to spend two hours on a bus at risk of vomiting?

Definitely walk away from this one right now.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 16/01/2014 22:35

i bet anyone who reckons yabu would think not had they been the customer who was told to fuck off Hmm

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 16/01/2014 22:36

unless the customer was being horrid, of course.

CatAmongThePigeons · 16/01/2014 22:36

Drop him like hot shit and don't give him a kitten.

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 22:37

Laurie the kitten is not to play with , He is good with Cats and as his died last year i thought it would be good for him , I certainly would not let anybody ahve a kitten if i didnt think they new it came with responsibilities.

Sea It has nothing to do with him being a bloke , I just think their is a time and a place for grief and behaving the way he is just isnt right from where i see it , maybe it was the way i were brought up

OP posts:
IamGluezilla · 16/01/2014 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 22:38

Yes i really am a regular been her since september 2011 .

Yoni, Cutted up pear , Lottie etc

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/01/2014 22:38

thornrose Grin

JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 22:40

He should go and work for that woman on the other thread where you get a month off on the death of a grandparent.