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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ok so im a bitch , but am u being an unreasonably heartless bitch ??

78 replies

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 22:23

Name Changed as im a regular and not sure how this is going to go chicken Blush

Right so i have been seeing this bloke for around a year now , He is nice yadaa yadaa but their is a few things niggling me and im not so sure wether to say anything or if aibu .

He is 30yo and im 27 we dont live together but see each other as often as possible as we live in neighbouring towns .

His very elderly and very ill 89yo Grandad died recently (6th jan) , he was given 24 hours to live on the 1st december , I told partner to spend as much time as possible with him etc and not to worry about me anyway to my point .
fast forward to now partner is ringing me everyday saying his grandads death was so unexpected etc and he cant cope and while at work today he told customers to fuck off so was sent home .

Now i understand he is grieving which is obvious as his grandad has just died but seriously their is a time and a place and speaking to people that way and treating people like dirt and expecting them to do whatever you want and be where ever you say just because of this is ridiculous .

He keeps expecting me to cancel whatever i am doing despite it being important (lots of court dates and important meetings etc) and go to his so he can cry on my shoulder about how unexpected it was etc it just makes me so angry Angry

It wasn't unexpected he was given plenty of time to spend time with him and make his peace etc .
I wasn't given that chance with any of my 4 grandparents as they all died unexpectedly , So to be given that chance to know his Grandad was dying was a good thing iyswim (sorry i can't think of a better way to phrase it) .

He is just crying constantly everyday and when he is not crying he is playing on his god dam playstation instead of seeking help for his grief and expecting me to shoulder everything when i have enough on my plate and when i ring/message him it starts all over again and i feel like shouting 'Man up' Sad

I said he could have one of my Cats Kittens to keep him company and try to cheer him up and because i were unable to drop it round this week due to me been very ill he has gone mental at me because i couldn't manage the 2 hour bus ride with an 8 week old kitten while trying not to vomit, so he rings me saying right ill be their in half an hour for the kitten while am in an important meeting and then went mad when i were not home [hhm] All which he blames on the grief from his Grandad dying .

Sorry for the rambling its just really bugging me .

So am i a completely heartless bitch and do i need to be more sympathetic ??
I probably am but i just needed to get this out of my head

Awaits flaming

OP posts:
Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 23:12

Thanks for answering me everybody , much appreciated Smile

OP posts:
MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 16/01/2014 23:13

That last bit sounds positively controlling. Basically telling you you WILL drop everything and be home in half an hour, because he said so... not to mention going nuts because you wouldn't do long bus rides while poorly Confused

Did you have any niggles before his granddad died? It sounded somehow as though you might already have had a few reservations before.

GarlicReturns · 16/01/2014 23:14

He's a prat.

Yanbu.

HTH?

SirRaymondClench · 16/01/2014 23:15

TBH you both sound about 8 years old.

I feel sorry for the kitten.

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 23:15

My Yes one or two niggles but i thought that was me just being me though now im thinking maybe not

OP posts:
GarlicReturns · 16/01/2014 23:15

he can be a complete arse when he wants to be , Say if he doesn't get his own way

Eeek Shock just seen this!

The hills are --->> this way. Run!

Oohlookakitty · 16/01/2014 23:15

Sir Erm helpful thanks Hmm

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 16/01/2014 23:22

honestly he sounds 13 going on 30!

LunaticFringe · 16/01/2014 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackthebodiless · 16/01/2014 23:38

A regular, but not a typical one.

ENormaSnob · 16/01/2014 23:46

Dump him asap

Bootycall · 16/01/2014 23:52

lunatic fair point, mine all died in my childhood.

op he's a dick head, and a drama queen. run run run.

JapaneseMargaret · 16/01/2014 23:56

Dump and run, dump and run.

LunaticFringe · 16/01/2014 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 16/01/2014 23:59

I agree with all the others I'm afraid. His GF had his natural span and the 'normal' way to grieve is to be glad for that fact and to have respect for others/strangers that do not know you have recently been bereaved. The boss taking him out after his piss poor behaviour is pandering to his childlike behaviour even further I feel.
I would be seeing this as a revelatory moment to see him as a self centred eejit because that is most certainly what he is and get rid ASAP. Find a man, not a whining, hard done by, mental pygmy.

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2014 00:01

He told several customers to fuck off; so his manager decided he needed cheering up and took him for a meal???
That did not happen.

He sounds deranged. Why do you actually see in him?

Bootycall · 17/01/2014 00:04

lumatic of course I wasn't meaning to upset anyone but the death of a relative you love at 89 is although deeply upsetting not the life changing agony if say loosing a child is it?

the ops oh is behaving in a ridiculously self indulgent manner and it's quite frankly wierd.

never met an adult who acted like this in these circumstances.

Oohlookakitty · 17/01/2014 00:30

jack please feel free to enlighten me as to what a 'typical' MN regular is like as I never realised we were all the same on here Hmm

OP posts:
Oohlookakitty · 17/01/2014 00:34

Flogging Sadly my first thought when he told me he had been taken out was that it were a lie

I thought he was a good , kind bloke but he seems to have changed , either that or he is just showing his true colours . Tbh I'm not sure

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 17/01/2014 00:35

Sounds like depression - need to go with him to the GP. Not normal reaction to death elderly grandparent.

Oohlookakitty · 17/01/2014 00:35

Oh & he saw his Dgd around once a month when his mum gave him money to take him for a drink so I wouldn't say they were ridiculously close

OP posts:
Oohlookakitty · 17/01/2014 00:37

forever he isnt depressed according to his doctor as he went last week

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/01/2014 00:42

sorry again but really sounds like attention-seeking behaviour? did he say why his gp doesn't consider him to be depressed?

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/01/2014 00:42

oops, too many question marks, sorry!

DizzyZebra · 17/01/2014 00:44

Ew
he sounds like a schoolboy. Dump him. And tell him why.

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