To have expected this woman to move seats

[appletarts]

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

Of course baby would not be confined to buggy, but would need to eat dinner strapped into buggy, ever tried feeing toddler on your lap in a single seat squashed up against another passenger? Not workable for all concerned.

You just said the train was almost empty, so why the need to be squashed up against anyone? And of course I've fed a baby on my lap before. Haven't you ever been on a picnic since having kids? Similarly babies sleep in their mum's arms with great ease. I've been on trains so many times since becoming a mum and if that seat is taken, I just move to one that isn't. It would never cross my mind to expect other people to inconvenience themselves. The world doesn't revolve around my kids.

You asked if you were being unreasonable, and you asked a bunch full of other mothers. They've all said yes, you are. If you want to be angry about that then your choice.

So what would have happened if there were several babies in first class, how. Would you cope?

I think it seems the woman was just being arsey about moving. .it is highly unlikely she specifically had to sit there. Trains are not like planes where there is no legroom. There wwre other seats free. And I am very sympathetic to hidden disabilities.

It would have been a kindness just to let OP sit with her baby.i think that is all OP was saying.

Its a YANBU from me.

The one thing I could think of is that woman had ASD in which case asking her to move to the "wrong" seat would hsve caused her stress.

But I think this thread shows people just set great store by "their" seats and find it unreasonable to be asked to move.

Because when I got on it was an empty train, leaving London, it was filling up and was full by the time the train departed. At the time of the discussion with said woman there was practically a whole carriage of seats to choose from. First class never fills up to the point of people sitting in the corridor. On reflection I wish I had left buggy where it was, or folded neatly and then settled in next to cats arse face woman and let her get totally inconvenienced by toddler on mums lap for 3 hours, including eating her dinner, waving her toys, doing pooey nappy, screaming for a bit, thrashing for a bit, climbing up the chair for a bit, getting on the boob for a bit and then moaning for an hour while she fell asleep because to settle my baby to sleep in her buggy in a space which is specified for buggys would be 'entitled'. Yes that would be a much better use of the designated spaces on a train.

ASD?? Don't think so, think more business woman doing work on her laptop and making copious phone calls on mobile.

Again why didn't you pre book a seat if you had such a need for that seat?

Apple

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Appletarts..e

Appletarts..well..I did say YANBU. But people with ASD can be business people with laptops, for the record.

Sorry about phone there.

God you a miserable lot. I don't know a single person in the world who wouldn't vacate their seat for a mum with a pram if it helped her. Maybe it is cos I am from the north where people are a lot more polite in general (?( ( I am sure will be flamed or sweeping generalisation now) Seriously this thread makes me sad. Going off aibu.

Op in the real world most people would agree with you and good for you or sticking up for yourself x

So you think that because a woman dared say no to you that you would consider making her journey an unpleasant one and have your child to do the things that would piss her off as retaliation? How mature!

Either woman had not booked seat because (as people have inferred) that particular seat is not bookable unless you have a clear and present need for it, in which case woman is lying scuzzbag and you should have dragged her out by her hair yelling "gerrrahtamahseatyercahhhhhhh" (from your tone throughout I'm sure such expletives would not be difficult from you) or:

Woman was sitting in the seat she had booked. Because it was bookable. Thus she was allowed to sit there. In her seat. If you had reason to doubt her, why didn't you create a fuss and ask the conductor?

newmummy222.

I don't know a single person in the world.......

You do now.

in a space which is specified for buggys

It's NOT specified for buggies. It is A DISABLED SPACE FOR A WHEELCHAIR

So you're not only rude, but stupid too.

There is no space

So train was empty and there were plenty of seats but at the same time it was full by the time it left? She had booked a seat , you hadn't but you expect her to move and find another unreserved seat. Her choice would not have been of any other seat but only the unreserved ones.

I often use Edinburgh to London first class and because of the fact it is obligatory to reserve a seat if you're travelling on a cheaper advance ticket many seats are taken up right from the beginning.

The more you post the more selfish and rude you sound.

Also, your first post told us that the carriage was empty. And that you couldn't see why the woman wouldn't give up her booked seat so you could sit where you preferred.

Then you tell us that the carriage actually became quite full.

Now, I travel a lot for business, and I need those hours to work. I book a seat (it's also a way to get a cheaper fare, which my employer requires me to do). There's only one TOC where I can actually choose my seat -- all other train companies simply allocate by some random way, I don't know how.

If the woman was travelling with a booked seat in a carriage which was full, then no, she shouldn't be expected to move to another seat to accommodate your lack of planning in not booking a seat. Because she'd have been bound to have to sit in someone else's booked seat. And most of us stopped playing Musical Chairs when we were about 6 years old.

If you had asked politely, realising you were asking a favour, and that you had no right to a disabled space, she might have been polite back. But you assumed that your desires (not needs) trumped hers. And you were rude and hectoring. As you have been rude and hectoring on this thread. It's not difficult to treat others as you would wish to be treated.

So train was empty and there were plenty of seats but at the same time it was full by the time it left? She had booked a seat , you hadn't but you expect her to move and find another unreserved seat. Her choice would not have been of any other seat but only the unreserved ones.

I often use Edinburgh to London first class and because of the fact it is obligatory to reserve a seat if you're travelling on a cheaper advance ticket many seats are taken up right from the beginning.

The more you post the more selfish and rude you sound.

Appletarts- why don't you try this next time.

"Excuse me, the ticket inspector has asked that I park my buggy here. Do you mind swapping seats with me so I can leave toddler in the buggy for a bit?"

And then you accept the person's answer. If I was the person and you asked me like that, I'd move unless I really did have a genuine reason for needing that particular seat. So if they said 'no' you have to figure they have a reason and just don't want to share (which is fine).

You do not have an automatic right to everything just because you have a child. I can't stand it when I let someone with a buggy through a door etc and they don't say thank you. I say it all the time...it's not they're fault I have a buggy!

Of course there's nothing wrong with people being kind to each other, and I would happily have swapped my seat for a polite mother in need of the buggy space.

However, the way you describe your conversations with this woman are rude, entitled and arrogant. I would not have given up my seat for you simply because you were so rude. Kindness is a wonderful thing, but so are good manners.

You could have bought a seat for your kid. You don't have too but you could have.

No wonder mothers with Prams On public transport get a bad name... It only takes one rude and entitled person to stick in heads.