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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
ravenAK · 17/01/2014 00:27
  • yup newyearhere, & then you'd have to have round 2 of the original argument with the person who breezily thought it entirely appropriate for you to give up your seat reservation for them, because they shouldn't have to make one on account of having a buggy with them.

Can anyone see OP cheerfully gathering up her sprog & going to stand in the lobby at that point?

TheBuskersDog · 17/01/2014 00:30

Maybe this was a situation of the OP being a bit too assertive , which some interpret as rude, and the woman in the seat being less than helpful and understanding, which others would interpret as mean.

It could be seen as assertive to say "Excuse me, I would like to put my pushchair in the wheelchair space.", the asking/telling the other woman to move, particularly the way the OP did it, WAS fucking rude. I can't believe anyone could think comments about having to meet her child's needs and whether the other woman had a 'need' to sit there were not rude.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 00:30

zzzzzz but if a person had any of those conditions then they could find a single seat with more leg room/closer to bathroom else where on the train. they needn't use the only wheelchair/buggy space.

NurseRoscoe · 17/01/2014 00:32

I don't know why she booked that specific seat if it was for parents with buggies/people with disabilities and she was neither? I don't think you are being unreasonable

Jinsei · 17/01/2014 00:33

rosebud, have you ever tried to sit with your child on your toddler on your knee for three hours?

I have, in fact I did it for around 8 hours on a plane a couple of times. Trains are much easier - you just book an extra seat.

Having done plenty of long train journeys on my own with dd when she was a baby/toddler, I really don't get why people can't just fold up the buggy. That's what I always did, anyway. Unless the parent has a disability of some sort - and I'm assuming not in this case - I just don't see the problem.

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 00:35

public transport should be more user friendly, with more accessibility to children, families, people with disabilities, bicycle users etc. that's the bottom line. this kind of situation is the train companies fault.

whether she was rude or not or whether the woman was mean or not is down to opinion and interpretation in my eyes.

just wanted to give you a bit of support OP. hope you've calmed down, travelling with a buggy on a train is well stressful. and so is aibu. chill

YouTheCat · 17/01/2014 00:35

All this would have been avoided had the OP booked a seat and folded her buggy.

Jinsei · 17/01/2014 00:35

If you're travelling with kids in a buggy you just have to pray.

Or you just learn to fold up the buggy. :)

DizzyZebra · 17/01/2014 00:37

Yabu. She probably booked it for a reason and you spoke to her like a five year old. How would you feel if your gran or mum was disabled and treated like this by someone who thinks the world owes them something for dropping out a kid?

zzzzz · 17/01/2014 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBuskersDog · 17/01/2014 00:42

It's unreasonable to expect to get on a train with an unfolded pushchair and to keep your child in it. The space is there because a person in a wheelchair needs to sit in their chair, they can't fold it up, put it in a rack and walk to a seat- a mother with a child can and doesn't need a space.

K8Middleton · 17/01/2014 01:12

Well...

The train company is BU to book people without need into the seat. IMO as someone who has been booked into that seat when I don't need it and moved because a woman using a wheelchair and her companion needed to sit there, I would have preferred not to have been booked there in the first place. Of course we moved immediately without being asked but no disabled should have to be asking people to move because the train company has booked them that seat at random. They shouldn't have to ask people with buggies to move either (I've seen that and seen people get huffy about it).

If there were empty, unreserved seats nearby the woman was being a bit U not to just move without being asked.

The op was VVVU to ask someone about their disabilities.

Everyone who buys a travel system or a massive buggy they cannot collapse and then proceeds to take it on public transport and inconvenience others is VVVU and needs to get a sense of perspective about what is necessary for transporting a tiny human. They also need to shift off to the vestibule where there is more room but it's not as comfortable.

And anyone who buys such an expensive buggy that they refuse to stow it in the luggage rack and instead inconvenience others needs to get off the fucking train and walk.

DrNick · 17/01/2014 01:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

K8Middleton · 17/01/2014 01:15

no disabled person.

Sorry I edited it and deleted more than I planned!

Paintyfingers · 17/01/2014 01:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 17/01/2014 03:29

I can't believe you spoke to somebody like this. YABU

newmummy222 · 17/01/2014 03:44

I can't believe some of the people reactions. It is a space for disabled/parents with buggies. It is ridiculous she was allowed to book the seat in he first place.
What is the point of having spaces like this available if people can just book them up cos they fancy a bit of extra leg room.
Do people realise quite how difficult and stressful it is traveling alone on a train with a baby.
I bet she wouldn't have made such a fuss if it was a disabled person. Why are mums with buggies afforded such little respect especially on mumsnet where you would think that people would understand!!

K8Middleton · 17/01/2014 03:50

I bet she wouldn't have made such a fuss if it was a disabled person.

Did you actually mean to write that?

newmummy222 · 17/01/2014 03:59

Yes if a person in a wheelchair needed the space she would have probably given up her seat quite happily without any fuss - unless she was extremely hard faced.
But somehow a woman with a buggy is not deserved of the same courtesy - esp on mn where it is a crime to have a buggy it appears

Mckayz · 17/01/2014 05:12

It's not a crime to have a buggy. But unfortunately the OP thinks her buggy gives her licence to be rude and entitled. I certainly wouldn't have moved.

Also you can not pick your seat when you book a train ticket. You can pick which direction you face and if you want a window or aisle. So it's not her fault.

I always fold the buggy unless I'm off at the next stop as it's easier. It's also not fair for dd to sit in her buggy for a couple of hours.

UptheChimney · 17/01/2014 05:21

OP, are you really saying that having a baby is a disability?

Really?

lilyaldrin · 17/01/2014 05:34

Why wouldn't you just take the baby out of the buggy and sit it on your lap? I don't understand the issue. Surely no one would leave their child in a buggy for a long train journey?

Original poster
appletarts · 17/01/2014 05:34

You lot are hilarious! It's a seat for disabled people with a wheelchair, that is why it is a big area next to a single seat, it is the only big area on a train where you can fit a wheelchair or a pushchair. if you ask the ticket inspector on a train where you can sit with a buggy he/she will tell you to sit there. I did not ask the woman her medical history, I asked her if she particularly needed that seat over all the other sets available and she said no. There would be no more need to sit in that seat with a hidden disability than any other seat, other than of course leg room, if you were a giraffe!

This was a carriage with a mere smattering of other passengers and many available seats nearby at tables and not at tables. Also according to hoochy choo you can't book that seat anyway! Of course baby would not be confined to buggy, but would need to eat dinner strapped into buggy, ever tried feeing toddler on your lap in a single seat squashed up against another passenger? Not workable for all concerned. Baby also needed getting off to sleep for the night which is in the buggy within view of mum. See baby too young to buy a ticket for and too young to safety sit in a train seat with no harness.

OP posts:
lilyaldrin · 17/01/2014 05:36

You just said there were loads of other seats available - why not just pick a table seat for you and your child if it wasn't busy? Talk about creating a problem where there isn't one!

lilyaldrin · 17/01/2014 05:40

You could have paid for a seat for your child if you'd wanted to guarantee one. What would you have done if the train was full and there wasn't a space to leave the buggy unfolded? You'd have just had to cope with a baby on your lap if you hadn't bought a seat then.