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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 17/01/2014 07:43

Poor woman,she books ticket and end up moving to get away from your haranguing
Fwiw i wouldnt have moved for you I'd have made lots of business calls too
And I'd have been impervious to your tsking.

merrymouse · 17/01/2014 07:55

Sorry, no space specified for toddlers in buggies on a train.

They travel free of charge on the understanding that they won't take up the space of a fare paying passenger.

The assumption on buses and trains is that the buggy is luggage that will be stored appropriately. Sometimes you are lucky and you don't have to do this and if there is a spare seat your child can use it. However, if you want a particular seat or you want to ensure your child has a seat you have to pay for it.

Finger foods are a good idea for a hungry toddler on a train.

kungfupannda · 17/01/2014 07:55

You were extremely rude. You can ask someone to do you a favour, but you have no right to have a go at them when they decline. And to threaten them with leaving your child in their care - come on!

If that had been me, I would have moved - as long as there were plenty of unbooked seats and I didn't have to go up and down the aisle trying to work out from the booking cards whether I was going to get another seat for the entire journey. If there had been lots of booked seats, I would probably have said that I would move only if I could find another guaranteed seat, and then you'd have had to wait while I checked.

You didn't need to sit with the buggy. You wanted to, for perfectly legitimate reasons. But you could have taken the baby out and sat elsewhere. There's no reason for you to automatically expect the woman's legitimate wish to sit in her booked seat to trump your wish to sit near your buggy. You did treat her as though she was in the wrong.

MamaLazarou · 17/01/2014 07:57

YABU and very rude.

Poor kid having to sit strapped into a pushchair for three hours.

ceres · 17/01/2014 08:03

"some silly woman who is all uptight about what seat she sits in"

op the woman who had booked the seat could well use this description to describe you. it seems you could have easily taken your child out of the buggy and sat elsewhere rather than impose your will on someone who had pre-booked a seat.

your last post only indicates that if you think your child actually needs to be in the buggy for the journey then you should have pre-booked a suitable seat rather than inconveniencing someone else.

whois · 17/01/2014 08:04

Oh wow another massively long OP being totally unreasonable.

"Do you have a specific need" ha ha fucking ha!

Obviously OP, you were U. Book a seat if you want it.

ComposHat · 17/01/2014 08:07

Do you have a soecific need?

Surely this would invite the response 'yes I have a very specific need for you to fuck off immediately and allow me to sit in the seat ive booked without further interruption. '

nennypops · 17/01/2014 08:13

It is perfectly possible to book this specific seat in advance and you should have done so. You are also being a bit disingenuous suggesting that you would have been squashed up against another passenger if you had the baby on your lap. First class seats really don't leave you squashed against anyone, and also there is normally a row of single seats with no-one next to them; or of course you can book a separate seat for your child.

OP, what exactly were you going to do if a disabled person had come along needing that space?

TheDoctrineOf2014 · 17/01/2014 08:13

I'm confused. First you said there was one seat facing the buggy and now you are talking about sitting next to the woman? If there was a seat next to her from which you could see the buggy, why didn't you sit there?

And let's not lose sight of the fact that she DID move and do you a favour, despite you being pretty rude, and you are still on here being extremely unkind about her. Why is that?

VivaLeBeaver · 17/01/2014 08:14

The lady might have had a phobia of enclosed spaces. Those seats are always at the end of the carriage so if she gets panic attacks when she feels trapped in she may well feel she needs that seat. I would struggle to sit in the middle of a train carriage, but then I struggle getting as far as the bread aisle in Tesco.

bruffin · 17/01/2014 08:25

Sorry, no space specified for toddlers in buggies on a train.

They travel free of charge on the understanding that they won't take up the space of a fare paying passenger.

But you can pay for a ticket for them and book a seat. If you have a railcard it only works out about £5 each, which on a long journey is not much extra on the ticket.I used to do it when my dcs were little so i was guaranteed a seat with them. Nobody needs their buggy with them. I also travelled once every two weeks to london and left the buggy out the way by the door while dd sat on my lap.

MarshaBrady · 17/01/2014 08:26

Poor woman. You do sound highly irritating.

worldgonecrazy · 17/01/2014 08:29

YANBU even if you didn't handle it very well.

I am unable to book specific seats - just request things like "near luggage" or "power point" or "near toilets". It would be really useful if I could book seat A1 or whatever.

She was being unhelpful, and given that First Class is usually never more than a third full, she could have had her pick of seats, including having a whole table of four to herself. So she decided to be bloody-minded about it. I suspect there may have been something in your tone which irked her, or you, or her, could just have been having a bad day.

I would have moved for you, knowing how difficult it can be travelling with a baby.

Perhaps she doesn't travel a lot and thought that the train manager would throw a wobble if she wasn't sat in her correct seat? Some people are not used to train travel, or travelling First Class, and she may have thought her £2.50 Advance First Class ticket meant that she absolutely had to sit in that seat?

Logg1e · 17/01/2014 08:31

I think the seat you describe is the one with wheelchair access. It's not seating for any disability or lack of mobility (although separate, "priority" spaces are now often marked at the carriage ends). Neither is it space for a buggy, who are always asked to prioritise wheelchair use as you can imagine.

I don't think it was unreasonable for the OP to ask the passenger if she'd mind swapping. In my experience on trains strangers are very helpful to other passengers struggling with young children and luggage.

However, as has been repeatedly explained the OP was unreasonable in how she asked, how she behaved subsequently towards the other passenger and her general sense of entitlement in describing the situation on here.

pinkyredrose · 17/01/2014 08:33

OP several people have asked you but you refuse to answer so I'll shout it WHY DIDN'T YOU BOOK THE SPACE YOURSELF IF IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Oh and its buggies not buggys.

Banffy · 17/01/2014 08:36

Yabvu, and incredibly rude.

UptheChimney · 17/01/2014 08:36

Perhaps she doesn't travel a lot and thought that the train manager would throw a wobble if she wasn't sat in her correct seat? Some people are not used to train travel, or travelling First Class, and she may have thought her £2.50 Advance First Class ticket meant that she absolutely had to sit in that seat?

Oh, so let's all be rude, patronising, and snide about this poor woman who just wanted to sit in her booked seat. Yes, of course she was the unreasonable one.

MidniteScribbler · 17/01/2014 08:43

I'd place money on the fact that if the OP did get that seat and someone with a disability came along that she would refuse to move for them. Absolutely certain of it.

Jellytotsforme · 17/01/2014 08:43

It is your attitude which is the problem most of the posters are struggling with on this thread. Having manners and being friendly goes a long way towards people helping you.

aderynlas · 17/01/2014 08:45

You ve said your dd is a toddler op. Put her on your lap. Stories, look out of the window. Easy to feed food. Three hours will be gone quite quickly especially if she has a sleep as well.

HoneyDragon · 17/01/2014 08:46

Doesn't sound like the op likes her child much either.

MarshaBrady · 17/01/2014 08:48

Were you appreciative when she moved?

MrsBucketxx · 17/01/2014 08:49

If I have travelled in the door bit and stood up, for hours if need be.

YABU but you know that already. Having a child does not entitle you to bum all.

The woman sould have ignored you and not moved.

LittleBearPad · 17/01/2014 08:49

YABU. Fine to ask but you had to then listen to her answer and accept it. You were rude instead.

There was nothing to stop you booking two seats. Train companies won't refuse to sell you a seat. Don't be silly.

In future book a seat or two, collapse your buggy and get a grip.

Shente · 17/01/2014 08:49

I have dyspraxia which means I find it difficult to coordinate the actions needed to deal with luggage, baby and buggy,however i have been on trains (in standard class) and have always found people only too happy to help me get my luggage away and buggy folded and stowed. I have also never had any problems having dd on my lap for three hours plus. Feeding her (sandwiches rather than soup!) and holding her while she slept. It might have been nice to leave her buggy in a special place but I have never even seen one on th packed trains I've used and I thuink they are far from essential (forbuggy users obv needed for wheelchairs).