To have expected this woman to move seats

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I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

YABU

Also YABU to leave your DD in the buggy for three hour. The woman could have minded her, didn't take any effort it seems.

Try being polite, it can be effective.

If the seat is bookable then it's not the wheelchair/buggy space.

This is like the library thread. Where are all these nasty people coming from? Is there a production line?

I think you should have left the empty buggy there if she didn't mind, and then sat in a nearby seat with your child. Simple.

One person's enjoyably proactive and assertive is another person's rude, isn't it?

yeah i don't understand how someone could have booked that seat, I've tried many times and always been told the same, that it's unbookable unless for wheelchair access. Unless it's different in first class and the seat the woman was sitting in was just the nearest one, rather than a designated disabled access seat. Which seems like it's the mistake of the train company, as it seems only reasonable that this seat be considered as attached to the disabled/buggy space and therefore unbookable.

Hooochycoo You found the OP to be Enjoyably proactive and assertive

Asking someone to disclose any 'specific need' goes directly against a disabled person's right to privacy and the fact that they (we) do not have to disclose any needs or visible or hidden disability to a random stranger.

Being on the receiving end of such insensitive, selfish, unthinking questioning is very draining. Glad you enjoy it so much, though.

rosebud, have you ever tried to sit with your child on your toddler on your knee for three hours?

Very true BackOnly.

OP it may be worth noting have a child does not mean everyone in the world needs to put you desires first.

YABU. She booked the seat. Why didn't YOU book a seat? It's easy enough to do. And free.

I have a childless friend who once said to me that becoming a mother makes some women very egotistical and self-centred. I went for her full on and gave her a mauling........luckily we are still friends.

OP - Your post has made me see her point of view very, very clearly.

Thank you. I think........

hyva, i have a son with a hidden disability and an aunt with a disabled badge as she is recovering from chemo. I'm aware of the situtation you describe, i agree it's wearing. I don't agree though that in this situtation it is relevant. This space is a wheelchair or buggy space, that's not a hidden disability. Why would anyone with a less than obvious disability need this space?

I just don't see why such an entitled op would not have got her chauffeur to take her rather than all this train business. The nanny would have then ben able to entertain precious child.

She didn't want the space. OP was welcome to the buggy space.

She wanted to retain her booked seat.

I've just re read OP's post. It's breathtakingly rude. Did anyone else comment on the fact the space was "available for a buggy also described as disabled" as if her non fare paying piece of luggage is more important.

And "I need this chair"

Classic

AIBU

YIBU

No I'm not!

My mum, who books assisted travel regularly on trains due to her rheumatism doesn't get booked into this space. My friend who is visually impaired and also books assisted travel doesn't get booked into this space. Because it's a wheelchair space, that if unbooked can be used on a first come first served basis for buggies. I can't understand why it's thought that someone with a less than obvious disability would be sitting in it. It has no advatage unless you are wanting to bring a wheelchair or buggy onto the train

see you point raven.

I think train company are being unreasonable in not linking the seat with the wheelchair/buggy space and making it unbookable. and in not providing more bookable spaces for wheelchairs/buggies. It's outrageous that the majority of trains only have one.

But it doesn't matter if the lady who preferred to stay in her booked seat has a disability...it's as irrelevant to us as it should've been to the OP.

She had a seat reservation, which is what she needed to expect to be left in peace to sit in her booked seat.

Had OP also had a seat reservation, she'd've had a fair case for suggesting a seat swap to their mutual benefit. It appears that she just had a buggy & a sense of entitlement.

x-post hoochy! Yes, I agree, definite argument for not booking that particular seat out. But that's not the fault of the customer who booked it in good faith & didn't expect to be hoofed from it.

i can agree that it's not the woman sitting in the seat's fault too.

but i agree with the OP that she should have moved, and as the OP suggested dealt with her having to move from a different seat if it happened. Maybe this was a situation of the OP being a bit too assertive , which some interpret as rude, and the woman in the seat being less than helpful and understanding, which others would interpret as mean.

but the real people at fault are the train companies, who should provide better access for the disabled, for buggies, for bicycles etc

Why is it parenthood sometimes brings out a really unattractive sense of entitlement? Anyone would've thought parents have never taken kids on trains before... V unreasonable...

some silly woman who is all uptight about what seat she sits in can stick to her guns

YABU. This person had taken the trouble to reserve a seat, and you hadn't.

I'm not surprised she didn't want to move. If ever you move to another seat instead of the one you booked, you can be sure at the next stop someone will get on and say they've reserved the seat you're in!

I just dont understand why the op thinks being so rude would get her anywhere. Book a seat, fold your buggy, sit your child on your lap or a seat next to you. At least be polite if asking someone to move. You have a child not a pass to get your own way.

the OP most likely hadn't reserved her seat because you aren't allowed to reserve the wheelchair/buggy space. If you're travelling with kids in a buggy you just have to pray. I guess you could just book a seat anyway, in case a wheelchair user take precedence. but maybe she hadn't thought that far along the process, she'd just been told that the space she needed was unbookable.