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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have expected this woman to move seats

610 replies

appletarts · 16/01/2014 21:05

I was on the train back from London, with a first class ticket. In the carriage there was one space available for a buggy with a seat facing it, also described as disabled access. I arrived just as a woman was putting her things on the seat, I said excuse me do you think I could put my buggy here? She goes yes but sits down in the seat opposite it. Uh... I said do you think I could have that seat so I can look after my child during the journey and she starts moaning saying she's booked in advance and wants to sit in her booked seat. I asked her does she have a specific need which means she needs this seat, she says no. I said well I'm sure you don't want to meet the needs of my child for three hours do you? How about you let me have that seat so I can look after my DD and if someone comes on a disputes you being in that free seat we'll deal with it then. She then moans more saying she's booked and why is she being made out to be in the wrong, lots of eye rolling and tutting on her part. I say she can sit in 99% of the seats available and I need this 1%, I need this one seat. Eventually she moves but behaves as if she's been evicted and sits with a cats arse face for most of journey sighing everytime my dd dared utter a gurgle. Seriously? Is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
justjemima · 17/01/2014 16:41

Did somebody seriously compare having a child to having a disability?

Wow, that's fucking unbelievable!

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 16:42

hope you didn't mean me justjemina?

YouTheCat · 17/01/2014 16:42

The vast majority of posters would offer help or move if it was appropriate. I don't think it was in this case. You had plenty of time to get settled and fold and find a non-reserved seat but you chose to make someone's day just a little bit shit by laying on a guilt trip, which is what you tried with your last post as well.

It doesn't wash with me OP.

justjemima · 17/01/2014 16:44

Yes I did mean you.

Really, saying having a child and having a disability is the same thing is disgusting!

hooochycoo · 17/01/2014 16:53

exactly where did i say having a child and having a disability is the same thing?

Misspixietrix · 17/01/2014 16:56

Oh dear! This thread has got me giggling. I live in a huge city. Both my DCs ended up sitting on the floor of a packed tram at the side of their GM who's in a wheelchair. Be grateful you had fucking space in the first place! Grin.

Bluestocking · 17/01/2014 17:03

Excellent point about the attempted guilt trips, Youthecat. OP, "thoroughly decent people" don't try and make complete strangers on public transport feel guilty because they have had the foresight to book a seat that you and His/Her Royal Highness the Baby might prefer to use; or to try and make other complete strangers on the internet feel guilty because they don't agree with what turn out to be very unusual points of view.

MyGrandmaToldYourGrandma · 17/01/2014 17:09

I have not read the answers but, firstly, I'm surprised that you are even able to book that seat unless you are a carer of a disabled person. Secondly, why didn't you just move pick your child up and put them on your knee?

kungfupannda · 17/01/2014 17:15

You haven't stood up for anyone. You've ensured that this woman is likely to look considerably less compassionately on a genuinely struggling parent than she might otherwise have done.

merrymouse · 17/01/2014 17:19

OP this thread is a personal attack on the woman who gave up her seat for you.

Hoochy, on an averagely full train many people are likely to be finding the experience stressful or painful for a variety of reasons without demanding that they have somebody else's pre-booked seat.

I get the impression that the op's main difficulty was that she thought it would be more pleasant for her to keep the child in the buggy and hadn't planned her journey around this not being possible (see earlier comment about not being able to feed a toddler out of a buggy). Of course people sometimes have additional difficulties. Often these people pre-book seats.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/01/2014 17:22

Appletarts - has it occurred to you that the reason that the vast majority of people on this thread do not agree with what you did is because you were in the wrong?

If we had all agreed with you, I bet my bottom dollar you wouldn't be whining about 'mass mind', you'd be crowing about how our intelligent opinions had validated your actions. But because we all disagreed with you, we must clearly all be victims of mass mind. Yeah - right.

Of course - it is just possible that the reason we are all disagreeing with you is because you are wrong...

ComposHat · 17/01/2014 17:24

Yes durely if MNHQ were being consistent (now that'd be the day) thwy should delete the thread as it is predicted on a personal attack.

Pehaps the op screamed at the mods until she got ger way.

Mckayz · 17/01/2014 17:27

Wahoooo!!! My first ever deletion. Grin

As you were.

PenguinsDontEatKale · 17/01/2014 17:36

It wasn't 'trying to care for your child on public transport' it was 'not wanting to get your child out of the buggy even for a long journey on public transport'.

Not

The

Same

Thing.

Most people are very nice, and very helpful. I used to live in London and people are wonderfully kind about helping you up steps, holding bags whilst you fold your buggy, etc. I honestly found that the 'mass mind' is pretty damn kind when you are behaving in a reasonable and considerate manner.

And you do not have the moral high ground on personal attacks when your thread is, itself, a personal attack. It's just that the person being attacked (presumably) isn't on here to respond.

HelloBoys · 17/01/2014 17:43

It was also asking her fellow traveller if she had a specific need which got many MNers goats.

Shall we now ask (and get no response or a pity party plea) if the OP has a specific need?!

zzzzz · 17/01/2014 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 17/01/2014 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ferretyfeet · 17/01/2014 17:56

well said sea sick

DrankSangriaInThePark · 17/01/2014 18:10

The mass mind......

Yes. Exactly. See, if I started an AIBU and the mass mind told me I was (BU) I wouldn't actually come back and hit back spitting and snarling and slagging them off. I'd slink away, namechange, and take a long hard look at my own personality and entitled-attitude. I would, in short, feel a bit of a twat and eat a lot of humble pie.

But I don't expect you will.

I expect I've been deleted but cba to check.

But consider it a job well done OP. Because now, when I'm on a train, it will be a cold day in hell before I give up a seat for a woman with a kid. In case it's you.

FutTheShuckUp · 17/01/2014 18:11

Why delete the thread?

FutTheShuckUp · 17/01/2014 18:11

Oh it's back! Very confused

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/01/2014 18:13

Ah op is confusing people disagreeing with her for bullying. That's a refreshing change from all the other threads with similarly rude and entitled op's. Oh, wait...

Caitlin17 · 17/01/2014 18:15

"Thoroughly decent people" would have thanked the person for moving and that would have been the end of the matter.

"A thoroughly decent person" who posted this attack on a complete stranger who did her a favour would ask MNHQ to delete this thread.

moldingsunbeams · 17/01/2014 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 17/01/2014 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.