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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be infuriated by a lunchtime supervisor's comment to my daughter

102 replies

Mumofhree · 16/01/2014 19:25

My daughter is 4 years old and started school in September.

Every day I lovingly make her a packed lunch with a selection of items so she can choose what she would like to eat that day. Some of it she eats and some of it is eaten after school. They only have a 20 minute window to eat their lunch and they can't eat that fast anyway.

My problem is that a lunchtime supervisor called my daughter a little piggy because she had a lot of lunch. Whilst it was in all likelihood a bit of fun, am I being unreasonable to think that this is the wrong message to be sent to a 4 year old girl? I do not want her thinking that she shouldn't be eating. Women are, after all, allowed to eat food!!

Please let me know what you think!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/01/2014 19:26

I don't think it is an appropriate thing for her to have said. I would be cross too.

redskyatnight · 16/01/2014 19:28

I think that lunchtime supervisors should not call children little piggies.

I think that a 4 year old is not always a reliable witness.

And I think you should not put more food in your DD's lunchbox than she is going to realistically eat (at Reception age the lunchtime supervisors are often asked to encourage children to eat all their lunch ).

Boreoff456 · 16/01/2014 19:29

It all depends how she said it. Its not the most PC thing to say but I wouldn't be overly bothered either.

The main thing is she upset? If so mention it to the teacher, just make her aware it bothered dd. The woman probably didn't mean to upset her.

sunshinemmum · 16/01/2014 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogwatcher42 · 16/01/2014 19:31

I think you should just reassure your dd that she isn't a little piggy and forget it.

Do you watch every single thing you say all day and never make a mistake. Your 4 year old will have forgotten about it by tomorrow if you don't make a big thing of it. If you do make a big thing of it the supervisor will become paranoid about interacting with the kids and scared of talking to them in case she says something wrong, your dd will remember it forever and you will get a reputation for taking things too seriously.

That's my opinion for what it is (little) worth!!! (and don't put so much time and effort on a packed lunch!!!!)

QuintessentialShadows · 16/01/2014 19:32

What sort of selection do you give her, cake bars and crisps, sweet youghurts and cheese strings? Is there a sandwich in there? How do you guarantee that your dd picks the "healthy" options as opposed to the snacks?

frogwatcher42 · 16/01/2014 19:32

And I would be more concerned about developing a wasteful habit of making too much food (and of the safety of the food if it sits all day in warm cloakroom and is eaten after school!!!).

mrspremise · 16/01/2014 19:35

I work in a school and if we found out that any member of staff was using this sort of derogatory language towards the children they would, at the very least, be reprimanded. Please complain so that this person does not continue to spout these negative and frankly nasty comments. Shock

sparklyma · 16/01/2014 19:36

Why are you giving her so much? Don't be daft about it. Just give her a normal packed lunch.

As for the supervisor, she shouldn't have said that.

Artandco · 16/01/2014 19:36

How much are you giving?

Ie today I made 4 year old a packed lunch. Few cubes of cheese , one cold sausage, small tube of cucumber and blueberries. He took half hour to eat it, any more and it would have been left

Original poster
Mumofhree · 16/01/2014 19:40

Thanks for your comments. I was probably exaggerating the loving part of preparing the packed lunch. There are only about 5 items: sandwich, frube, cheese, flapjack bar and some pasta. She is particular about what she wants for lunch and wants the same thing every day. She won't take chopped fruit or veg as they have some at school. She is quite a sensitive little thing and wants to fit in and do everything properly. A comment like this could have rocked the boat as far as her packed lunch goes.

Anyway, it helps to get some perspective on it. I haven't made an issue out of it with her.

OP posts:
ProfPlumSpeaking · 16/01/2014 19:41

Lots of women feel guilt over food. What the supervisor said was very misguided as it will tend to foster that kind of bad relationship with food. Sadly, it is how lots of women talk about food all the time though: "Oooh, aren't I naughty?" "Oh, I shouldn't really" etc It is a deeply unhealthy attitude.

My FIL comments every single time a woman or girl eats something: "should you really be eating that?" Um, yes, it's her lunch and she is pretty skinny and active and needs food. Guess whether the whole family is slim apart from him. Guess whether his DD suffered from an ED as a teenager. My DD's earliest memory, she recently told me, was being told off for eating roast potatoes with her Sunday lunch. She has never been other than like a rake in build.

Sorry, you have hit a nerve and YANBU but I don't suppose you can change the world.

Even IF your DD is overweight, a semi stranger telling her she is a "piggy" for eating the lunch her mother has decided to give her is hardly helpful.

Original poster
Mumofhree · 16/01/2014 19:42

The pasta and flapjack bar get eaten on the way home.

OP posts:
shoom · 16/01/2014 19:42

It doesn't matter what's in the lunchbox. It was a stupid thing to say to a child, and unfortunately could be typical of how the member of staff speaks to other children.

Will you report it ?

Joules68 · 16/01/2014 19:44

Is it in an insulated bag? That's not going to be in good shape to eat later on after school

And women can eat? I don't get that comment..... She's not a woman

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/01/2014 19:45

YANBU. She shouldn't have said that.
Of course ppl make verbal blunders, but I would be unpleasantly surprised to hear of someone saying that to a child and I would mention it to th school tbh.

SantanaLopez · 16/01/2014 19:45

'I lovingly make her a packed lunch with a selection of items'

Hmm Are you for real? Who speaks like that?

rainydarkskies · 16/01/2014 19:46

I think she was wrong to speak to your daughter in that way but I have to admit I would be taken aback with that lunch. Sandwich AND pasta?!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/01/2014 19:47

Actually, I think it's a really rude thing to say. To a girl or boy.

Original poster
Mumofhree · 16/01/2014 19:48

It's one quarter of a sandwich and about 10 pieces of oasta because her best friend has it too.

I don't really speak like that. Perhaps I don't write as I speak. I have a north west London accent and attitude to go with it!

OP posts:
LineRunner · 16/01/2014 19:49

It was a joke.

Feminine · 16/01/2014 19:50

I think there is a misconception that little children get reallyhungry in the school day.

I don't think they do.

I'd just forget about that comment tbh op lunch time helpers are well known to run their mouths Grin

Original poster
Mumofhree · 16/01/2014 19:50

Sorry just realised how my reply has come across. I mean I don't speak like that and I am willing to challenge the school about it!

OP posts:
LineRunner · 16/01/2014 19:52

I want to know more about the north west London attitude Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/01/2014 19:53

it was a joke
Ok dinner lady.

Who makes a comment like that to a 4 you as a joke?

I would complain too OP.