To be hurt by a friends AP bashing.......?

[Bulldozers]

My first AIBU post. I think it's an AIBU post, it may just be me getting something off my chest.

So a friend of mine openly says that we all have our own parenting ways that work for our own families. I completely agree. But then is very judgemental of attachment parenting, I think the whole idea actually offends her.

I've just followed my instinct. I knew I would be a bit AP (didn't know it was called this when I was pregnant) in my style as I wanted to co sleep (I'm lazy), use slings (more convenient) and cloth nappies (save a fortune!). My baby is 1 and only a month ago went on the dr sears website for the first time. I didn't decide to follow a particular parenting trend. I don't like the term AP or unconditional parenting either.

She refers to AP parenting as tosh, made up nonsense and airy fairy parenting. I find this upsetting. I don't parent they way I do because I've read I should. I just don't see the harm in feeding my daughter to sleep or cuddling her at night. I actually enjoy it and my DH likes co-sleeping as he would barely see her in the week otherwise.

AIBU to be upset and offended? I should add she has never said these things to me directly.

YABU. Your child. Your choice. Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?

YABU.

People have different views. She is not criticising you directly. And there is no reason why she should not express her opinions on the off chance the someone will gossip about them and a third party comes to hear a secon-hand version.

Thanks agreed really.

Hard not to be a bit hurt though.

I don't think you should be upset, no.
She's entitled to her opinion, and it's not as though she has approached you directly to slate your parenting.

She doesn't think it's tosh in order to offend you...it's just what she thinks.

If she hasn't said those things to you directly, how do you know she holds these opinions? If it's not that she keeps criticising your parenting, what exactly is your issue - she thinks what she thinks, surely...?

Honestly, why do you need her approval, anyway?

It's the terms used to describe perfectly reasonable behaviour as if nobody has ever thought of it before that are annoying to me.

Like "baby-led weaning" = baby eating some food.
Or "baby-wearing" = having baby in a sling.

I think the issue in these situations is that people get pretty stressed about babies and are they doing it right and then see other people's choices as criticism of their's. Some types then express this aggressively.

We all need to cut each other some slack - having children is hard enough as it is!

So, you ANBU to be upset, but no need to be offended.

Yabu, it's her opinion and she is entitled to it. Why does it bother you if you have your own method of parenting.

It is all tosh sorry.

Anyone who says they follow a parenting style is an arse.

Wjy categorise? If she says you are wrong for cosleeping then take offence.

If she says sling using makes you a twat take offence.

If she says cloth nappies are the work of the devil then take offence.

But if she says "attachment parenting" is over analytical airy fairy bullshit then she's bang on. Same as Gina Ford parenting is evil and anything else when you can generalise.

I have no idea why some mums get so het up about this sort of thing. I couldn't give a rats arse what other mums think of my parenting style (if I even have such a thing!)

Sounds like your friend is contradicting herself, saying she's all live and let live but then being all judgemental about other people's methods. She may not be saying it in direct conversation with you but it sounds like she's saying it where you can hear. (Are we talking facebook here?). I'd find it hard to resist arguing back in your position.

AP parenting IS tosh. People in mud huts thousands of years ago weren't saying, "I sling and co-sleep because I'm an AP parent" they just did it. The term is annoying, particularly as it implies these things cause attachment. They don't.

She isn't saying anything to you, how do you know exactly what she objects to?

Oh and I do sleep with dds (they won't bugger off) I did use a sling as dd2 was a clingy monster and I chucked food at them as I'm too lazy too puree.

But if I ever call myself a baby led weaning, baby wearing, attachment parenting earth mother I demand someone shoots me.

YABU - sorry

Lighten up-enjoy your baby, do what you want.
You'll experience lots of criticism & judgement over the next 21 years from complete strangers sometimes!

It's all a bunch of crap really.

Endoplasmic please can you translate all MN threads and pregnancy websites for me?! So many terms that I don't understand and make me feel stupid - apparently I am not stupid, I just don't speak bullshit!

Sorry to hijack your thread OP!

My parenting style is just that, mine.

It's not AP, or Gina Ford or anyone else's style it's mine.

Sure, there might be some elements of a 'style' in there, but, as everyone does to some extent, they come from all over the 'styles' with a few quirks that are solely mine.

You said yourself you didn't read up on 'styles', you just followed your instincts. That means your style is your own, so it's not 'AP' or any other pigeon holey 'style'.

So when she criticises AP she isn't criticising your style.

I think it just makes me sad. I'm not actually upset at her. We are all different.

I think I just find it frustrating. I don't label myself AP. It's an awful term and I don't understand the labelling of things. It's others who me.

In the area we live the HV team actively recommend this style of parenting-we have a great breast feeding take up as a direct result I think.
Interestingly all ways of parenting are accepted and supported by all the mums I have met .We also learn from each other and openly discuss views.
I've only just realised that upon writing it actually. That's cheered me up loads !
You do want you want and enjoy it as pretty damn quick you'll be facing the other dreaded issues -stats Ds and GCSE options Dd1...

Put it this way OP - my friend is into AP.
She is also home educating her elder dc. She thinks school is a dreadful institution.
My kids go to school.
Should I be offended?

Well...I'm not.

If you don't label yourself that, and that is what she is slagging off, why does it matter?

For example, I BF but I roll my eyes when people start on about virgin guts.

Thanks. Feeling better. :-)

I think the fact I've been trying to get my daughter to sleep for over an hour is making me doubt myself........

You really need to grow a thicker skin OP

As your child grows up, you will be doing all manner of things differently to others, but who cares?

Just do what suits you and yours and don't worry about what other people think.

It's only her opinion. She's your friend. Hasn't said anything to hurt you intentionally. Why should it bother you if you are doing things your way.