To be hurt by a friends AP bashing.......?

[Bulldozers]

My first AIBU post. I think it's an AIBU post, it may just be me getting something off my chest.

So a friend of mine openly says that we all have our own parenting ways that work for our own families. I completely agree. But then is very judgemental of attachment parenting, I think the whole idea actually offends her.

I've just followed my instinct. I knew I would be a bit AP (didn't know it was called this when I was pregnant) in my style as I wanted to co sleep (I'm lazy), use slings (more convenient) and cloth nappies (save a fortune!). My baby is 1 and only a month ago went on the dr sears website for the first time. I didn't decide to follow a particular parenting trend. I don't like the term AP or unconditional parenting either.

She refers to AP parenting as tosh, made up nonsense and airy fairy parenting. I find this upsetting. I don't parent they way I do because I've read I should. I just don't see the harm in feeding my daughter to sleep or cuddling her at night. I actually enjoy it and my DH likes co-sleeping as he would barely see her in the week otherwise.

AIBU to be upset and offended? I should add she has never said these things to me directly.

I think it's quite parenting practical for the approach to have a name.

I loved skin to skin, long term BFing, co-sleeping, baby wearing, baby led weaning but also didn't know it was called AP. I did actually read quite a lot about parenting styles - but they were general books

Onesiegoddess

The thing is all those things existed (seperately or togther) before someone came along and maned it AP. You take what works for you. I did some of what can be classed as AP but it wasn't a conscience choice. I just don't like labels or you run the risk of feeling you are failing in some respects if you don't or can't follow all of the criteria.

Has your friend also got one child, aged one? If so YANBU.

However, here on Planet Multiple Birth, AP is a distant dream. And it brings my piss to boiling point when I hear people bleating about its virtues when it's impossible to implement that with 3 of the same age.

(aside) I remember emailing my most AP friend (and mother of one) to ask her how to cope with my one year old kicking off when my twins needed round the clock breastfeeding. She suggested a sling, and crayons. What I was meant to do with my OTHER baby, I really don't know.

AP for the first time singleton mother rocks. It really does. But once life has moved past that, it's tosh.

You don't label yourself as AP.
Your friend probably doesn't label you as AP either (as she hasn't ever mentioned this to you).

Well I have a parenging style. I call it whatever it takes to get me through the day.
That mesns co sleeping and breastfeeding. My 16 month old is showing no signs of stopping.
Op you are doing great. Don't sweat what other people think. Just enjoy your baby.

Tablet has a mind of its own. Parenting means

slatecross, are you saying you would like to do more AP parenting, because if that's what suits you don't rule it out. I know plenty of parents of multiples who see themselves as AP. Slings in particular I'd have thought would be a massively useful tool. Even if it's only one baby in the sling, that's one less crying or wanting to be picked up. Don't boil your piss, if AP attracts you then pick up what bits of it do work, if it's not your thing anyway then you're not missing out. (You're probably going to say your children are teenagers now )

What do cloth nappies have to do with ap?

That is the thing ikea they have NOTHING to do with AP. You can follow the principles of AP and use Pampers.

What happens with these things e.g BLW, AP, etc is people get smug and judgey about what they are doing in comparison to what others are doing. Incorrect 'rules' get spouted out.
AP does not mean the world revolves around one baby.
Unconditional Parenting does not mean you dance to the tune of a temperamental toddler.
Yet every parent I have met does both of those things.

Clearly you lack confidence in your own 'parenting style' to be so offended by what this woman thinks OP.

That should read every parent I have met following AP or UP does both of those things.

Is your friend Katie Hopkins? You need to just ignore these type of comments. You've said you don't follow AP so what's the problem? I co-sleep, breastfeed, use a sling occassionally and attend to my baby as soon as she cries. I don't associate myself with any style of parenting apart from my own. I just can't get worked up about stupid things like this.

Ha!

People get pissed when you mention ap, blw, slinging etc

I wonder why she, and they, care so much OP?

Why don't you just call it Bulldozer's Parenting Style... membership of 1? Nobody needs to join you or critique your style.

I don't see why people feel the need to comment on and label everything, it just leads to feelings of superiority/inferiority, stress and angst, all over daft, meaningless labels. Stop comparing yourself with her and enjoy doing it your way.

If it were me, I'd have another conversation with my friend and just say I do this, it works for us... and find something else to talk about.

Because in a general sort of way the people that feel the need to title their awesomeness are imbued with a certain sense of smug twatdome holier than thou attitude.

And over stimulating my eye roll reflex gives me a headache.

YANBU. Maybe a bit over- sensitive?
I think it's a shame that women who use what are currently termed "AP" type practices seem, ime, to immediately apologise for or excuse themselves about it.
Breastfeeding because I'm too lazy to make up bottles. Using slings purely for convenience etc. as though it's frowned upon to say that you might make a choice based on what's best for your baby or actually enjoy being close to them.

Aimed at random btw

OP didn't sound apologetic for her parenting methods to me, just explaining why she made the choices she did, and the fact she wasn't following an overall "method", just made individual choices that suit her and happen to be generally described as AP. She was quite honest and said that the reasons of convenience were the main motivators, fair enough.

There's no rule that you have to cosleep because you think it's better for little delilah's bonding dahling, or that if you're cosleeping that's your secret motivation even if you say otherwise. As far as I'm concerned I've convinced myself it's not actively doing damage, and beyond that I'm taking the lazy route. My children must be practically superglued by now
PS I've also wondered why cloth bums get lumped into the AP bucket. Baby led weaning too really, though I suppose AP and being child led tend to go together. There does seem to be a bit of a thing if you're interested in "alternatives" in one way you're more open to alternatives in all aspects of parenting.

AP methods have proven science and anthropological history behind them. She's ignorant.

Think it's more that people who label themselves as AP (rather than just happen to do some practices that folk recognise as AP) and UP (have lurked very interested lay on some UP threads) tend to think this makes them superior parents and that they love their children more. Have seen these kind of claims.

catkind. It may well be that op wasn't being apologetic.
She certainly has no need to be.
But I see it a lot on MN. And I hear it in real life too. There's a tendency, IMO, to avoid blowing ones own trumpet about things. Especially breastfeeding. In groups of mums I hear a great deal "oh I'm breastfeeding because I cba to make up bottles" I think it happens because people are worried about coming across badly, or criticising the choices of bottle feeders. And op's friend's sneering at "AP" methods illustrates why. There's a lot of Vorticism of women who consciously or naturally make the decision to live a "baby centric" life as a new parent.
I think it's a shame. It's often quite subtle, yet insidious and pervasive.
In fact even in your own post catkind you use the dismissive technique of applying a twee and unusual name when you talk about bonding.
I too have found great convenience in breastfeeding. But the convenience aspect sometimes feels like the only benefit thst's "safe' to refer to.

I use pampers pull ups purely because it is baby led, try getting a very active 12 month old to lie down so you can put a nappy and a wrap on them (I have done many times) it was because of ds's protests that we decided disposable pull ups were the best option.

I would probably be classed as an ap, although I wouldn't identify myself as that. I often get strange remarks from friends and family about our choices but I find that it is actually the people who are really stuggling with parenting who make those remarks. I feel that what we do is right for me, dp and ds, I really don't believe that children are damaged by bottles cots or pushchairs but for us right now co-sleeping, breast feeding and regular sling use works best so that is what we will do.

As long as you don't comment on anyone elses choices you should just shrug and say "it seems to be working well for us at the moment" if anyone questions your parenting.

Your friend possible hasn't even considered your parenting style, most people just look at the baby and think of he/she is lovely, isn't he funny, isn't she active or whatever, they probably don't think twice about the way you transport, feed or disciplin your child.

vorticism?
Criticism.

Good post ikea