To be hurt by a friends AP bashing.......?

[Bulldozers]

My first AIBU post. I think it's an AIBU post, it may just be me getting something off my chest.

So a friend of mine openly says that we all have our own parenting ways that work for our own families. I completely agree. But then is very judgemental of attachment parenting, I think the whole idea actually offends her.

I've just followed my instinct. I knew I would be a bit AP (didn't know it was called this when I was pregnant) in my style as I wanted to co sleep (I'm lazy), use slings (more convenient) and cloth nappies (save a fortune!). My baby is 1 and only a month ago went on the dr sears website for the first time. I didn't decide to follow a particular parenting trend. I don't like the term AP or unconditional parenting either.

She refers to AP parenting as tosh, made up nonsense and airy fairy parenting. I find this upsetting. I don't parent they way I do because I've read I should. I just don't see the harm in feeding my daughter to sleep or cuddling her at night. I actually enjoy it and my DH likes co-sleeping as he would barely see her in the week otherwise.

AIBU to be upset and offended? I should add she has never said these things to me directly.

How do you know she thinks these things? She has a right to an opinion, it sounds like she's been sensitive if she's never voiced them to you, so has someone been stirring?

I really can't see what your problem is. You say you aren't AP so why are you offended?
I have done quite a lot of research into parenting styles for college and the attachment parenting I have read about is very different to the attachment parenting I have witnessed. I think that is why people's negative views come from.
I believe it is perfectly possible to follow the principles of attachment parenting and bottle feed, use a buggy, use disposable nappies and have your baby sleeping in a cot.

"I wanted to co sleep (I'm lazy), use slings (more convenient) and cloth nappies (save a fortune!)"

I have no problem with "AP", but these strange justifications are irrititating. It isn't lazy to co-sleep, or inconvenient to use arms or buggies instead of slings. granted cloth nappies are cheaper, but that's rarely the main reason they're used.

Loopy my point is I didn't decide to do those things because I wanted to be an AP.

For my life sling us far more c

Loopy my point is I didn't decide to do those things because I wanted to be an AP.

For my life sling is far more convenient, my arms aren't stong enough and I find a buggy less c

Loopy my point is I didn't decide to do those things because I wanted to be an AP.

For my life sling is far more convenient, my arms aren't stong enough and I find a buggy less c

Omg I give up. Haha!

If you don't sign up to AP, then why be bothered if someone slags it off?

I carry my baby in a sling because the school run has steps. I also bf and blw. I don't co-sleep, and use disposables. I don't think that combination has a name, but even if it did, someone slagging it off wouldn't be slagging me off. My choices on those matters are all individual decisions, not part of some baby-rearing philosophy where you have to sign up to all of them or risk damaging your baby in some way.

I have the Topseyt parenting style. I highly recommend it. Some might say it consists of benign neglect, but my kids are all thriving.

Most of these so-called "styles" of parenting are nothing new. We all do what suits us and our children best, and every set-up is different.

"Baby lead weaning" really irritates me. It just seems to meant that if baby wants to eat food then baby will eat food, and if baby doesn't then baby just bloody well won't, and will either push it away, spit it out or fling it up the wall/on the floor. Actually, the phrase pretty much makes me laugh.

YANBU

You realise she is getting digs in at you, don't you?

what's the point in labelling your parenting style? I did all those things except cloth nappies (too lazy, i'm afraid!) and have never referred to my 'style' as attachment parenting. I now use formula though. Isn't it more about what actually works for you?

There were no parenting "styles" back in the 80s (as far as I remember) when mine were babies.

But then I didn't read any so called parenting books because I knew damned well that for every book that advocated one opinion there would be another stating the opposite.

Plus my mum was (and is) a rather sensible person who had several children herself after being a Nanny.

... So if I required advice I asked her.

Opinions are opinions, just that. Nothing more.

Oh and Topseyt - I couldn't agree more about this "Baby-Led-Weaning" rubbish!

It's like this :-

So, erm, you give your baby a bit of food then?

Well done - because obviously hundreds of thousands of parents haven't done that before

That plus "skin to skin" and other such ridiculous labels for things that parents have been doing since the dawn of mankind

Methinks someone, somewhere, is making a lot of money re-inventing the wheel...

I wonder what new mums did back in the days when nobody wrote child rearing books

Salmo....agree....probably just raised their dc.

Salmotrutta
In those days new mums were probably surrounded and supported by female family members. Today it's totally different,lots of mums are own their own. Better to read a book and endeavour to do your best than hit it blind.

I expect very few ordinary people could read in the sixteenth century, far less buy a book.

And as to the extended family not being there anymore - we have HV, baby groups, clinics, and shock horror, telephones to phone Grans or Aunties etc.

I think it's just that when people label themselves as AP and other styles - it sounds really smug and superior for some reason - as though folk have never naturally done some of this stuff before. I think that is whatis being criticised rather than things like demand feeding and co sleeping.

Why the massive anger at having a label to describe a group of parenting practices that tend to go together? No-one's saying you have to do them all, or any of them. It's just handy if you're discussing parenting sometimes to be able to say I'm an AP-ish sort of parent, or a Gina Ford-ish sort of parent, it gives people an idea where you're coming from without you having to specify every single thing you do. Like I can say I like classical music without having to specify that I like Beethoven, Mozart, aren't so keen on Haydn etc unless the conversation gets into more depth.

And why the anger at having a label for baby led weaning or skin to skin. Tho I think the label for baby led weaning is badly chosen, it does seem to lead people to misunderstanding what it's about. It's not just about chucking food at your baby, it's more about not trying to poke the food into their mouths for them. As that's not currently the default position in western society it's helpful to have a term to describe it. No-one's claiming to have reinvented the wheel. Let alone skin to skin, who even wrote a book about that?

Before all this info was easily available to parents, we did what our parents and friends said. Some of which was good, some of which was rubbish and probably dangerous. Who's never heard someone advocating weaning a baby onto solids at 6 weeks because "look, he's hungry", and "it never did you any harm"? I'm extremely pleased that there is information and options out there for us to read about and weigh up. I haven't read any parenting books I don't think, there's plenty of information available online for free.

if something is right for you and your family who gives a shiny shit what others think or say