to not invite these children?

[GranolaMam]

We have a birthday coming up and DS would like a party. He wants to invite his whole class, except two boys. He says they are naughty and aren't nice to him. He's getting quite upset about it, and has, in the past, asked to leave similar parties because of these boys. I don't know what to do, I have told him it would be unfair to exclude them, but I'm worried it will spoil his party...

If he really doesn't want them then I'd say have a smaller party. Inviting all but just those two would be a bit harsh imo.

I wouldn't invite them. There are plenty of parties that my DS hasn't been invited to & it hasn't cause any trouble, harm or upset.

In my opinion, it's his birthday & it's up to him.

I don't decide the guest list - its not my party, its my childs!

That's a good idea devon - but how do I get him to choose, he gets on well with the rest of his class. He's only in reception.

waffily - so you wouldn't invite them?

Assuming we are talking infants here as you don't say, but that is the usual age for whole class parties.

Options:

• Invite the whole class. If necessary have words with the boys parents in advance and ask for them to stay to supervise. If parents don't stay then have another adult supervising them directly and stepping in if needed.
• Tell your DS he can only invite half the class

Not an option

• excluding just these 2 boys

I'd go for a smaller party also....this whole class thing is getting a little out of hand ime ...does look a bit mean if only 2 not invited....even if they are p'sita

It's not a massive class to begin with so if we were to invite half it wouldn't be worth a party IYSWM

I wouldn't invite them. If they're persistently mean to your child, there's nothing remotely unfair about excluding them from your child's own birthday party. What kind of bonkers message does that send otherwise? To the kids, that they can be mean with impunity; to your child, that he just has to suck it up because other people's feelings matter more. Sod that.

There's a few threads going on about 2 boys being excluded from parties.
Who are these two boys

Shall I just invite them and hope DS doesn't notice?! I'm worried he will make a scene though, which would be more embarrassing for all than if they weren't invited at all, surely?!

Gosh another thread about this sort of thing! THere's been two in the past day!

I think that you should just invite the whole class....or have a party with perhaps 5 or 6 kids. Ask his teacher who he plays with mostly if he can't tell you himself.

Oh is there coffeetea? I wonder if it's someone from our class!?

Well now you put it like that OT... Whose feeling matter more, my DS or these two boys?!

Possible repercussions if not invited: offend Mum's (doubt DC's would even be aware?!)
Possible repercussions if invited: Awkward situation at the party. Upset DS.

Can someone link me to the other thread?

I had this situation with ds (except it was only 1 boy he didn't want to invite). I felt it would be very mean just to miss out 1 child when everyone else was invited so I had a chat with ds to see what his concerns were; reassured him that as parents, we wouldn't let this other child 'spoil' his party, etc. Once ds was happy about it, we invited everyone. On the day, the party went without a hitch and ds had a great time.

Excluding 2 boys from a whole party is nasty and mean. Either invite everyone, or just invite half the class.

I think 4 and 5 year olds will be aware if everyone else has been invited to a party except them.

I wouldn't invite anyone who was constantly mean to my child. But I never do full class parties. We have usually 10 from the class max. YANBU though.

Don't invite them. Or, if you're happy to (potnetially) spoil your son's birthday party for the sake of not wanting to upset those two, invite them.

Gosh - getting really split opinions - not what I expected from AIBU!

I think that's really mean as well.

How would you feel if you found out your child was the only child not invited to a party? A bit heartbroken for him? I would.

Why would anyone expect you to invite children who aren't nice to your DS?

I wouldn't invite them. If they are unpleasant to your DC, why should you pay to treat them? Life has consequences.

I'd question whether the two boys are picking on your ds and what you can do about it.

Then I would redefine a smaller party (expense?) and get him to select 10-15 names.

I think that it helps to have a list of the class and go through it with your child if they are young. They tend to have opinions but cannot necessarily list the names of who they like. Our school doesn't provide school lists but they do tend to list the names in the nativity play programme etc and I keep those.

My ds has always liked to invite a number of girls too and had a funny mix of kids across friendship groups, even at ten. No-one has ever been offended as far as I know.

are we talking infants or juniors? If juniors spend more money on a few kids and have a great party - if its whole class infants then it needs to be whole class, cant miss two out.