to not invite these children?

[GranolaMam]

We have a birthday coming up and DS would like a party. He wants to invite his whole class, except two boys. He says they are naughty and aren't nice to him. He's getting quite upset about it, and has, in the past, asked to leave similar parties because of these boys. I don't know what to do, I have told him it would be unfair to exclude them, but I'm worried it will spoil his party...

I would happily leave them out. My child would matter more to me than some random kid who upset my dc that much. What a good learning opportunity for the two boys - there are consequences to your actions

I would invite the boys but say that their parents need to stay around.

This seems like the ideal solution.

I would happily leave them out. My child would matter more to me than some random kid who upset my dc that much. What a good learning opportunity for the two boys - there are consequences to your actions

They're only 4 maybe 5. They won't see cause and effect in quite that way.

What would I say to the parents though? My child doesn't like your child so can you stick around to make sure he behaves? I'm not sure how well that would go down, particularly with one of the Mums...

He's been invited to a total of 6 parties (I know! One term! Literally every weekend!) A couple we couldn't make, a couple we went to, and two he asked to leave. He's been invited to another and says outright no in case these boys are there.

Parents have been there, and 'supervise', but their supervise is very different to mine, I would say. Not only that, and this is going to sound silly, maybe, but DS hates it when people get told off, he says they are always told off at school and I think it makes him uncomfortable. One parent is particularly shouty, and I think this is why he hasn't liked the parties, as well as the shoving and the overpowering personalties of these two boys.

snurk @ telling the parents your kid doesn't like them. I'd love to the the fly on wall for that one. (just get someone to film it & post on youtube with link from here)

You have quite a sensitive boy there, GM.
I half wonder if you need to find opportunities to help him learn to deal better with people he doesn't like (agree that his birthday party is a lousy opportunity, though).

You still haven't given numbers of how many would be invited, how big the class is (I think?)

What would I say to the parents though? My child doesn't like your child so can you stick around to make sure he behaves?

It's normal for parents to stay around at reception-age parties.

There's 19 in the class.

Half glad we seem to be getting most parties out of the way already! I'm looking forward to the summer term already

19 is an awful lot of children to invite at that age. Invite 10 children to the party and just tell DS that's the maximum number he's allowed and then you don't have to worry about excluding just two or him being anxious. He should be able to pick 10 names if you give him a class list.

My DS was really quite scared of a boy who was in reception with him. By year 2, they're pretty good mates and the other boy has calmed down enormously. Nothing is cast in stone at that age.

19 is a lot! When you said half wasn't worth a party I thought there'd be 10 or less.

Given your DS doesn't really like the squabbling and telling off that goes with a party that big I think he'd find it much easier if you just asked him to pick 10, and if he can't pick, you pick the names he mentions most often. Doing party games etc will be much much easier with smaller numbers and you aren't going to have so many problems with them getting bored.

9 or 10 children is plenty for a party btw. We have mainly done whole class parties anyway, but DD's class was smaller than that actually - but DD has also ben to prties with far less and they have al been lovely too.

At my ds's last party he wanted to invite the whole class apart from one boy he doesn't get along with. They are year 2. I gave him the choice 2/3 of the class or whole class including the boy. He chose whole class and I asked lots of parents to stay to police.
It was fine, they all had a good time.
He doesn't get on with this boy "He's not kind". My version is he's boisterous, over exuberant and teases.
I think like other posters I would prefer not to judge right now as this child is 5 years old and as my ds has got taller and stronger he can stand up to this boy better and finds him less overwhelming.
However ask me again in a couple of years and I may say something different.

I would never exclude 2 children.....

Unless I knew that they had been consistently unkind to my child (& had good evidence not just my child's word)

Then I would exclude them & have no qualms saying why if asked.

I wouldnt invite them I tell this story every time this comes up, dd went to a party years ago the birthday girl said to her I DONT LIKE YOU my mum made me invite you

^^ mrsjay are you my dm?! That happened to me. However I would have been even more devastated if the nastly little witch mean girl had told me she was inviting everyone else except me because her dm said that was ok. I'd have thought that meant her dm didn't like me either! As it was, it meant I was aware that the little girl didn't like me and had a tendency to be mean but it wasn't a wider judgement on my personality iyswim

I wouldn't invite them. Its your sons party, he doesn't like the 2 boys, so don't invite them. Unless you are good friends with these parents I don't see why it would be a big issue. If I had a party I wouldn't really want to invite people I didn't like. I also wouldn't really enjoy hosting a party where a couple of children spoil it by being too boisterous or whatever the case may be.

Bullies ruined my life. I couldn't give a monkeys why they bullied me, it wouldn't make it any better. All I know is how they affected me throughout my life and if my mum had made me invite them to my party, I would have hated her for it.

17 five-yr olds is a lot to manage, anyway. Lots of reason to slightly reduce the number just a bit more. I've invited 12 to DS's 6th softplay party & I think that might be too many.