...about bathing my new baby?

[scantilymad]

Hi
I'm a long term lurker but this is my first post.
I am married with one four month old baby. Our baby has silent reflux, a tongue and lip tie that made breastfeeding difficult and I was diagnosed with PND eight weeks after the birth (a score of 19 which according to the HV is pretty high). Anyway, after battling through that little lot, we finally felt like we are getting in to some sort of structure and settling as a family.
My cousin came to visit last night and we shared a bottle of wine and were chatting generally about babies. I mentioned that I sometimes get in the bath with my baby boy in the evening on the days when I remember I haven't had time to bathe or shower for a couple of days and am feeling generally a bit grim. DH never gets home before 8pm so bath, bottle bed are down to me on weekdays.
My cousin looked genuinely shocked when I told her this and asked if I wore a bathing suit when I got in the bath? When I said no, as the point of a bath is to, you know, get clean, she implied it was very weird for me and my son to be naked in the bath together. She also thinks I'm putting him in danger in case I slip and drop him when I'm getting out or that he will drown because the adult bath is too deep. I don't wash my hair or shave or anything in his bath, just sit in it with him.
Sorry this is so long but I genuinely don't know now if I'm doing something inappropriate or dangerous? Am I? Being diagnosed with PND was a massive knock to my confidence and really makes me doubt my instincts/decisions.
Thank you

Loved having occasional bath with my newborns.
This stupid friend is the kind if person who says stupid things that do damage because the person takes them to heart. She is the kind that reAlly pees me off!

I often have a bath with my 14 month old DS and remember having baths with my mum when I was much older than him. He has showers with DP too. It's completely normal.

Sounds perfect to me. Both dh and I have got into the bath with Ds from day one. Now he is 7 months old he has his own seat but often one of us will still get in and play with his toys with him. It is completely and utterly natural IMHO. Enjoy your time with him.

OP your cousin is totally weird! A bathing suit in the bath?! WTF!

15 month old DS and I love having baths together! We splash about and have loads of fun. Now he is bigger I can have them really deep so I stay warm too!

OP you are a great mum, ignore your silly cousin

Your cousin is bonkers! There's photos of me as a chubby baby in the bath with my dad. It's natural for parents to bathe with their children, up to a certain age obviously.

Ignore your cousin.

Your cousin is mad... My boys 5, 2 and 10mths and I shower or bath with all of them as does hubby!

One of us bathed with our son every day until he was big enough to sit up by himself, so we didn't have to have freezing cold baths any longer! It was a lovely thing to do.
Does she realise your breast has to be pretty naked for him to feed from it?!

At my antenatal class yesterday the midwife was telling us about how she bathed with her two boys until they were 5 or 6.

It's good for bonding, can be fun (most adults don't take toys in the bath on their own ) and it saves water!

The only thing to watch out for when they're really little is when they poo! Urgh! Helps if you have a shower as well then! Heheh

Totally bloody ridiculous! Skin on skin contact is the most natural of reassurances. I loved bathing with my babies and still would if we could all fit! I remember bathing with my Mum and Dad as a child. Nakedness seems to have become so sexualised when in my opinion it shouldn't be. Enjoy your baths!

Though in your crazy cousins defence - there seems to be a few people more bothered about things being "inappropriate" that definitely shouldn't be.

We've been told we're expecting a girl and DP's best friend warned him about 'looking away' when he's changing her and making sure he 'only touches where he really needs too' and if she's really messy and needs a change give her to me as 'it would be weird to have to touch there a lot'!!!! WTF?!!! The friend has children - but they're all DSs and there's no problem touching them apparently

Not quite the same but my sister and I used to have a bath on a Sunday together until she was 16, I would have been 8. We only stopped because there was nolonger enough room for both us. It was never inappropriate and we used to love it.

Volvo - I'd be somewhat concerned about that friend and my DD would not be left alone with him. He's either 'off' or far too fucking stupid to be left with my child. Idiot.

scantilymad - was your chosen name deliberate? Your cousin would have quite a lot to say about me I went in the bath with my Aunty until I was nearly 9, I only stopped then because she moved overseas. At 11 I would still shower with my Nana given half a chance. Funnily enough I don't remember doing either with my parents, but I think that was more because they are early morning showerers and I was either asleep or busy playing - they were always happy to walk around undressed between the bathroom & bedrooms etc (still are!).

Sounds like you are doing a great job and having a bath together is a lovely way to bond.

I only stopped doing it with my DS when he was 6 and kept making comments about Mummy's boobies lol.

Chipping - having spent time with him, I really do think its the 'idiot' option but I did imply the other the next time I saw him and he's not said anything since. I felt a bit bad after though as he really is a 'nice but dim' but I was a bit mad (I'd blame preggo hormones but I think it was justified infuriation).
I also couldn't help mentioning about how our 3yr old niece sleeps in our bed when she stays over (as I'm sure he'd have something to say about that) and got a cat bum face in return but no actual words!

I think my cousin's concern was less about the nakedness but more about the naked physical contact? Not sure how to explain it really without making it sound clinical or that she has projection issues!
I choose my username as a sort of play on words and because I seem to spend a lot of time rushing about nowadays. I have just realised it could be offensive to other ladies diagnosed with PND but it honestly wasn't and intentional reference. Apologies if anyone is upset by it. PND is just a hormonal imbalance. It can hit anyone out of nowhere and I am very open about it because I refuse to be ashamed of it or affected by the stigma. I know that medically I have a "mental health problem" but for me personally it's just another part of having a baby that will get better soon; a bit like my sore boobs, grazes and second degree tear :)

I didn't bathe with DS when he was tiny as I'm really clumsy and was worried I'd slip with him, but once he was able to sit up we have baths together. He's 2 now and loves splashing me!

Your cousin has serious issues. I can't think of many more natural things than bathing with your baby.

Hospitals, midwives etc all promote skin to skin bonding with new babies and its great for older babies too.

I bathed with all mine. Sometimes there was 4 us squished in when they were little!!!

If its just you and your baby there's a great trick. Have warm water by your chest/the baby and lovely hot water by your feet.

Your cousin is bonkers by the way.

That's hilarious. What would she think of a father in the bath with his daughter?

I do know one couple where the father baths in swimming trunks because he feels uncomfortable when he baths his daughter. I think that's really weird.

TBH it seems a little unhygienic to bathe a baby in the same water you're washing your arse and genitalia in. Although I suppose it's not hugely different to swimming. But then again swimming pools are full of chlorine and you shower afterwards.

Just in case anyone reading this feels a little inadequate because they don't feel comfortable sharing a bath with their children; don't worry about it. It's perfectly possible to bond without sharing bath water.

yy rising - surely it's too cold!

Baby's have those things as well