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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...about bathing my new baby?

198 replies

scantilymad · 11/01/2014 21:18

Hi
I'm a long term lurker but this is my first post.
I am married with one four month old baby. Our baby has silent reflux, a tongue and lip tie that made breastfeeding difficult and I was diagnosed with PND eight weeks after the birth (a score of 19 which according to the HV is pretty high). Anyway, after battling through that little lot, we finally felt like we are getting in to some sort of structure and settling as a family.
My cousin came to visit last night and we shared a bottle of wine and were chatting generally about babies. I mentioned that I sometimes get in the bath with my baby boy in the evening on the days when I remember I haven't had time to bathe or shower for a couple of days and am feeling generally a bit grim. DH never gets home before 8pm so bath, bottle bed are down to me on weekdays.
My cousin looked genuinely shocked when I told her this and asked if I wore a bathing suit when I got in the bath? When I said no, as the point of a bath is to, you know, get clean, she implied it was very weird for me and my son to be naked in the bath together. She also thinks I'm putting him in danger in case I slip and drop him when I'm getting out or that he will drown because the adult bath is too deep. I don't wash my hair or shave or anything in his bath, just sit in it with him.
Sorry this is so long but I genuinely don't know now if I'm doing something inappropriate or dangerous? Am I? Being diagnosed with PND was a massive knock to my confidence and really makes me doubt my instincts/decisions.
Thank you

OP posts:
SmokeyEyes · 11/01/2014 21:44

YNBU at all, it's a lovely experience and quite frankly only chance you may get to get washed if you're by yourself all day! Smile my husband was often in after baby's bath time and I found this seat really helpful:m.mamasandpapas.com/search.php?q=bath obviously you can't leave baby unattended ever but this gave my freedom to e.g. reach for a towel without worrying I'd drop lo. You may not be interested but it was def one of my best buys (I got mine 2nd hand!) X

livelablove · 11/01/2014 21:46

I always bathed with my dd too I think most people do. It was nice.

Mmmbacon · 11/01/2014 21:47

Had loads of baths with dd and ds, and have fed them in the tub too,

Your cousin is quite weird tbh, or is there something more in your cousins history that she hasn't told about, that is colouring her view

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 11/01/2014 21:47

it would be hard work to NEVER let your kids see you naked at some point! otherwise, would they not grow up believing their own bodies were something to hide? Obviously, they eventually would find it uncomfortable but not while they're still tiny.

junkfoodaddict · 11/01/2014 21:48

Totally not being unreasonable!!!

You are perfectly normal to want to bathe with your child. My mum did it with me up to the age of about 5/6 years.

Now with me and my child (DS aged 2) we have NEVER bathed together. I have absolutley no reason why but I have never wanted to; although he has clambered into the shower with me before which I am fine about.

I think it might be because most nights he goes in the bath, I am too knackered from being out of the house from 7am - 6pm with an hour drive in each direction!!

Now I am weird!!! Grin

trixymalixy · 11/01/2014 21:51

YANBU. Your cousin is the weird one, not you.

JabberJabberJay · 11/01/2014 21:52

Agree with everyone else.

Bathing together is lovely and skin-to-skin contact is enormously beneficial to both of you.

Your cousin is nuts.

Enjoy your baby!

Ihatepeas · 11/01/2014 21:53

I love bathing with my dd she is 14 months now and have had regular baths and showers with her since birth. It's a great bonding experience when they're little!

BadgersNadgers · 11/01/2014 21:53

She's nuts. Bathing with DS1 is one of the most wonderful baby memories, it's a beautiful experience. I never quite managed it with DS2 because DS1 would torpedo us Sad

I still shower with them if they ask, they're 3 and 6 and I can't see an issue with it.

ChrisTheSheep · 11/01/2014 21:56

YANBU! I haven't personally bathed with DS, but I remember bathing with both of my parents (I guess I must have been about 7 or so when I stopped doing it), and loving it. Me not bathing with DS has been more of an "I just haven't fancied it" issue rather than thinking it odd or icky.

hettie · 11/01/2014 22:04

OK..ayyy.... umme your cousin is very odd. It's lovely thing to do

Spottybra · 11/01/2014 22:07

I have even washed my hair with a baby nestled safely on my knees.

Then I used to bath and was my hair with a 1yr old and a baby on my knees.

Its only dangerous if you make it so.

FanFuckingTastic · 11/01/2014 22:11

I still jump in the bath with my kids sometimes. They're not babies any more, not by a long shot, and it's not weird. It's a big bath thank goodness, otherwise I'd not bother for all the elbows and knees, but we'll shower together or get in the hot tub together too, so it's certainly not odd in my opinion.

MothershipG · 11/01/2014 22:11

The only way I could bath DS without him screaming the place down was with DH or I! When DD came along she joined in as well. Smile

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 11/01/2014 22:12

Agree with everyone else.
Not weird in the slightest.
What a lovely way to spend time together.
Well done you sound as if you are managing very well.

Oldraver · 11/01/2014 22:13

I had an old car seat I used to keep upstairs for popping DS in and used this for when I got out the bath.

Getting in was fine but due to my back struggled to get myself out anyway Grin

StealthToddler · 11/01/2014 22:16

I get in the bath with my boys - I can squeeze myself and 2 of them in there. Not inappropriate and actually a lovely way of bonding with baby. My babies have been much happier in the bath with me than without. I find it wierd anyone should think otherwise.

mezza123 · 11/01/2014 22:17

Your cousin's a looney. I very occ still get in with DS3, although obvs wear a burqa-bather a la Nigella at this impressionable age ;)

TallGiraffe · 11/01/2014 22:18

I don't think I've ever seen a more unanimous AIBU Grin

Your cousin is bonkers and you are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances. Enjoy your baths.

VikingLady · 11/01/2014 22:22

One of my MW said to do this to relax us both in the early days! And the HVs I know mostly are in favour too, along with other skin to skin

Wallison · 11/01/2014 22:23

Me neither. I find it actually quite heartening that we are all in agreement about this, and I definitely think we're all right.

PicklePicklePickle · 11/01/2014 22:23

I used to love taking a bath with my kids when they were tiny. I would feel so close to them.....they are now 5 and 6 and frequently try to get in with me. It is much less fun now. I usually end up with a plastic toy stuck between my bum cheeks and the kids giggling because I wobble! Enjoy it, it is a special bonding time for you. Dp used to have baths with the kids when they were little too....its not pervy. no ones is getting anything from it other than getting clean.

readyforno2 · 11/01/2014 22:25

My dp was I the bath with both ds' (6 & 1.5) this evening.
Can't say he was overly pleased about it as it was a bit of a squeeze

readyforno2 · 11/01/2014 22:26

In the bath Blush

mameulah · 11/01/2014 22:26

You sound like a great Mummy!

I love getting in the bath with our ds. And we have bathed together from a very early age.