To find this thoughtless at best and cruel at worst.

[Onelittlebugbear]

My friend is pregnant with her dc3. She knows we are about to begin Ivf in the next couple of weeks. I know loads of pregnant people at the moment and generally I'm pretty good at faking happiness and then coming home and crying.

She text me to ask me what she should name her bump. Along with a list of possible cutesy bump names because she and he dh were having a vote. I'm afraid to say it set me off crying again.

Aibu to think this is hopelessly insensitive? I can't imagine ever having a vote outside of myself and dh as to what to name our bump, and I definitely can't imagine texting a friend I knew had fertility problems to ask.

Why are people so thoughtless? Why? I know I sound horrible but I'm really struggling at the moment.

What should you name her bump?! FFS that is twatty enough without your circumstances. Sky write a message "you are not the first woman to have a baby"??

Good luck with IVF (been there )

onelittlebugbear that's so crap and insensitive. Unfortunatly people who have not struggled to conceive don't understand the grief, sadness, and loneliness that it causes. How the site of a pregnant woman on the commute to work or a cute little bundle in a commercial, can trigger painful emotions. What you need to do is tell her how the text made you feel. If she is a true friend she'll respond in the right way and help support you through this hard time.

Echoing euro and buggerlugs, I would also recommend the long term ttc threads in the conception forum. They have helped me maintain some semblance of sanity over the last two and a half years.

tell her to call it "Lucky" and she might get the message

Good luck with your IVF. I am sure you will get your baby this time.

Ignore your friend. She is being mean. Whether she means it or not.

I experienced vaguely similar behaviour from a friend during my 3rd ICSI cycle, so you have my sympathy OP.

I know my friend didn't do it intentionally to hurt me. She has a tendency to be self obsessed and also a bit of a drama lama, which I'm used to anyway. And I have a tendency to hide my feelings and put on a brave face even when I'm feeling v fragile. So she probably had/has no idea how much she upset me :( And I feel like I can't tell her - as she didn't do anything deliberately wrong and I guess she could equally accuse me of being over-sensitive (which I probably am, but understandably so).

I have massively backed off from her though :(

She texted me earlier.
She put: and the results of the vote are in!...

Then in a separate text:

The name for my baby bump is XXX

It is something quite cringy but I can't reveal it because it would out me!

Tell her to get fucked, honestly even the dumbest person would realise that would upset you

She sounds like a bit of a princess

Now go punch pillows

I think I might.

Like someone else said up thread the pregnancies are much harder than when the baby is here. Much.
I should be starting the ivf in 7 days. I just don't need someone texting me the result of the vote (who voted?) for the name of their bump.
The actual baby name would bother me less, not sure why but I never pretended to be rational!

I didn't know her when she had her first child but I don't think she was like this with her second. Not sure why this is happening with the third. She did tell me it was a special pregnancy because it would be her last so maybe that's why?

I hate her and don't even know her! This would make me hurl so much as to probably be a friendship breaker. It is unbelievably insensitive, ridiculous, vomit inducing and very PFB which is why I am amazed it is her DC3.

Stupid stupid cow.

Out yourself. If people know you, they need to know this is a sensitive area for you - or they might make more cock-ups.

Anyway, at least this particular lunacy is over for a while. Good luck, again, with your IVF. When you are pg, text her daily with morning sickness details, stool consistency, etc.

Yeah I think if I got pregnant again (it would be my thrd) I think I would try to enjoy it more than the others as you know what's coming, but still she is a total arse for txting you

I know this might be a bit woo but when I've had unbelievable amounts of stress and anxiety about stuff I've tried hypnotherapy on YouTube. You can sit and listen to a video and it really helps stettle your insides. I had a few things happen to me in my life that felt were very unfair and drastic and to help with the stress I listened to the videos. I also had a couple of counselling sessions. It's hard when you're ttc, you don't need this shit

People are twattish

Oh yeah full on commentary to her when you get up the duff

"Hi friend, as you are aware, I've been unable to conceive my own 'bump', so, not meaning to be rude in anyway, but I hope you'll understand if I step out of this discussion. Onelittlebugbear xx"

if she is a friend she will understand and probably be mortified, I agree with Tweasels its so hard to know what to do for the best

wishing you loads of luck on your ivf journey

Best of luck and yes she has been twisting the knife very thoughtless. I really hope you can put distance between you.

It is particularly insensitive timing, as I think I am anxious about the whole ivf procedure anyway.
The only worse timing would be when the ivf fails.

If she says anything then I might have to cut all ties with her.

If :)

Yes, "if". And if good wishes count for anything, you've got a lot coming from this thread.

Twisting the knife is right. Silly, thoughtless woman.

Come on over to the BESH thread in Conception if you like, bugbear, we're pretty good for support through IVF :)

Just to add my voice, tho I wholeheartedly agree w much that's been said. It's insensitive to the max and weird and twee. I went thru 3.5 yrs of ttc, now diffed after FET, and it took me a while to train my real friends how to help me be happy for them while having the space I needed to be sad for us. Real friends will be interested in being close to you w/out requiring superhuman feats of pregnancy empathy.

Having said all that some people go really weird on pregnancy hormones and one of my friends really hurt me when I was struggling thru IVF 1 which became a cp. I told her she hurt me but she has managed a number of times since, and now I just avoid her til the baby is there. You need to look after yourself and in my opinion this friend is not helpful. Can you distance yourself at least for the duration of IVF and see how you feel afterwards?

Massive good luck w your IVF! And come and join one of the longterm ttc threads!