To find this thoughtless at best and cruel at worst.

[Onelittlebugbear]

My friend is pregnant with her dc3. She knows we are about to begin Ivf in the next couple of weeks. I know loads of pregnant people at the moment and generally I'm pretty good at faking happiness and then coming home and crying.

She text me to ask me what she should name her bump. Along with a list of possible cutesy bump names because she and he dh were having a vote. I'm afraid to say it set me off crying again.

Aibu to think this is hopelessly insensitive? I can't imagine ever having a vote outside of myself and dh as to what to name our bump, and I definitely can't imagine texting a friend I knew had fertility problems to ask.

Why are people so thoughtless? Why? I know I sound horrible but I'm really struggling at the moment.

And yes, in spite of having 2 DC of my own, had I received that text, I'd be cringing egregiously on their behalf.

Who does this, when they're onto their third pregnancy, anyway?!

"Hi friend, as you are aware, I've been unable to conceive my own 'bump', so, not meaning to be rude in anyway, but I hope you'll understand if I step out of this discussion. Onelittlebugbear xx"

Oh and it's is really quite cheesy to name your bump in the first place, however if one must then surely a suitable nn would come up in a fun and natural way between the expectant parents? No need to go all social network on finding the best/coolest name for bump. Quite ridiculous!

I had problems ttc and know how utterly soul destroying it can be at times all the time. I don't know your specific circumstances and it maybe completely inappropriate to make suggestions so completely ignore if the following is not applicable or relevant but fwiw this helped me:

-- using pre-seed when having sex
-- monitoring the mucus (sorry forgot what it's called properly)
-- 'doing it every day for about 7-8 days from about cd 9 then every other day
-- ovulation sticks didn't help me because we had sex less often and only when the smileys came on. It was not enough or time was off.

-- eat macca powder in porridge everyday. Vile tasting but excellent for balancing hormones. Take good pre natal vits

And I absolutely swear by seeing a Bowen technique practitioner. It sounds woo but if swear it helped me get pregnant both times. The first time I had it I thought that was a waste of money and a lot of tosh because the practitioner takes a few breaks during the short treatment. Next month I had my first bfp after trying for 12 months.

And last... This is also a bit cheesy but do it in the privacy of your own thoughts: relax and imagine what you would call your bump. Explore how that feels try and relax into the idea that it could happen and how lovely it would feel. And the final bit I did (sorry big time woo alert): mentally connect with your dc who is 'out there'.

Again totally ignore if none of this is relevant. Just wanted to share what worked for me. Good luck!

I don't think it's thoughtless at best, I think it's thoughtless at worst, though it obviously hurts you and I'm sorry you're struggling. I wouldn't actually be that keen on the name the baby bump thing but that's because it's too cutesy for me regardless of anything else. I had IVF and was happy to be involved in friends' pregnancies. I would have felt miserable if I'd been left off friends' texts and emails because I wasn't fortunate enough to be able to get pregnant.

I know that isn't how everyone feels, but your friend might assume you are like me. I wasn't putting a brave face on it when I talked with them about what they were going through, to me their personal good fortune did not highlight my pain, it brought me joy. She might be trying to make you feel as though your life isn't an island and you are connected to all the other wonderful births in your extended network.

I would say don't assume the worst and lose a friend at a time in life when you need support, tell her you're struggling with all the pregnancy stuff when you have not been so fortunate. But she will have a the baby soon and there will be no way for her to pretend that isn't happening. If you're putting a brave face on it every time you have to do something baby related, is this a friendship you are able to cope with at the moment? Maybe you can cope with it most of the time and can keep things going, but maybe you need to take a step back and instead concentrate on friends who don't have plans for children at the moment.

All the best with the IVF.

Our problem is extreme male factor infertility. So far all tests with me have shown no problems.

I presume she texted others because she said she and dh were asking others because they couldn't agree, but it wasn't a group text because there was something specific to me at the end. After the bump naming bit.

To my knowledge she didn't name her first two bumps so why she has decided to with this one as well as conducting a bump naming survey I don't know. I would rather discuss proper baby name. Naming a bump upsets me more, I do not know why.

I understand bug bear. Ignore my previous post please. Siding you the best of luck!!!'

I'm ok generally with babies and can cope with pregnancies. It has got harder as time as gone on.

It just felt like another kick in the teeth, like 'I've got this bump and you haven't.' She's only 12 weeks so there isn't a bump to name yet!

And I've talked with her about other things to do with it like how excited the older children are, nursery designs etc.

Somehow in text form it was harder to take, I'm not sure why.

You're right, of course, OP, There really isn't any need for it, and actually I find the whole concept excruciatingly embarrassing but thought maybe that was just me being uptight.

Eh. I don't view this so much as something to forgive, exactly, but rather a revelation of someone's true self. I am sure the OP's friend is a fine person, but I would not want to spend time with the kind of person who names bumps.

She probably wasn't drunk, either, so she doesn't have this standard excuse for a bad text.

I'm not sure how relevant preseed is to IVF, although keeping in as good health as possible is important for everyone.

OP, I'm not surprised that you felt wounded by that text message and it's a shame your friend didn't engage brain before sending it. But in all honesty if she's sufficiently vacuous the kind of person to manufacture a bump name by committee then she will not have the empathy to realise that it's a step too far.

It sounds like you've been too kind to her and masked your own hurts and fears. To her she's only doing normal pregnancy things, and you've gone along with those with a (fixed, fake perhaps) smile on your face. So she probably genuinely hasn't realised how hard it's been for you and how the current timing has brought things to a head.

That's the generous reading, anyway. She may just be a prize twat, but I suspect you wouldn't be friends with her if that were true.

Good luck with your impending cycle

My text would include 'I just vommed in my mouth'

I'm so sorry op, my friend has cancer ATM at a very you g age & is going through the possibility of never being able to conceive. My mother is infertile & explained what it feels like & although I won't understand first hand, I am very sorry for your troubles. Good luck with the Ivf!

I thought I was bad enough when there seemed to be a "thing" for naming unborn babies cutesy names when eg posting scan photos on Facebook. But pulling your friends for their thoughts? Urgh!! She hasn't even got a PFB excuse

Honestly, OP, I would ignore the text. It is a silly and thoughtless text that doesn't deserve your emotional engagement.

Good luck with the ivf

I do think she's been very insensitive but I don't think it's fair at all to deduce that someone is childish, rude or a twat based on one thoughtless text from an excited pregnant woman.

I think naming bumps is really silly - and in the light of your fertility problems even sillier to send the text to you. I don't think she means to hurt you she is probably being thoughtless. Don't reply to the text and talk to her when you next see her about how this kind of thing makes you feel. Good luck with ivf.

I thought she was asking for advice on baby names which is insensitive enough. I've never heard of anyone naming a bump, never mind involving others. I think it's insensitive.

Very best of luck with IVF.

I can see its hard for you.but she's excited she's not rubbing anything in
She's pg and excited in a whirl,unfortunately she's overlooked your needs
She's maybe thoughtless but not bad.dont punish her or lose a friend over this

Ouch.

That's a v v insensitive message to send to a friend who's having trouble ttc.

Yes your friend is excited but, come on, wouldn't someone think before sending a general text.

Your friend is utterly thoughtless - if I were you I'd just ignore it. I have a friend who, while DH and I were TTC (we were about two and a half years in by then), told me all about how magical her 20-week scan was, and how amazed her DH's expression was. Yes, it is a lovely thing, but I really really was not the person to be sharing that with. I cried and cried as soon as I was alone.

More happily, IVF worked for us first time after TTC for about three and a half years. Best of luck that the same happens for you :)

YANBU.
Sending hugs, Op, some people just don't think. She's been extremely insensitive but I'm sure she'd hate to think she's upset you. I'd just ignore and, if she asks in person, say you hope she doesn't mind but you're struggling with your own issues at the moment and finding those sorts of topics a bit difficult.
I went through IVF and you are right, absolutely everybody seems to be pregnant at the time. My twin brother announced his wife and his pregnancy, my best friend announced she was pregnant with twins, other friends kept telling me how they only had to look at their dh's and they got pregnant. It was sickening! I now have an amazing DS due to successful IVF and then a DD who miraculously just 'happened'! I was 'older' when I started and never imagined being a mum so it really can work and I still can't believe how lucky I am.
Try and think positive thoughts as hard as it must be. It WILL be your turn one day and well worth the wait.

She is being very thoughtless.

Naming your bump is also pretty vomit inducing behaviour! Even worse, that it is her third baby, I would have thought you would be over cutesy bump names at that stage!

I think the medium of txt can disconnect the sender and the recipients
Sending a global message has depersonalised the content,sender included many
Sender Hasn't thought of op feeling and impact of the txt.i agree it's insensitive

Please talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. A close friend of mine can't have children and when I was pg I tried to involve her. Perhaps she was quietly enduring my efforts. I wouldn't want to hurt her for the world.

Good luck with the ivf. My cousin's dd had three cycles and the result of the third cycle is now a gorgeous two year old girl :)