to think this guy was dodgy as feck?

[BunnyLebowski]

I got on a bus this morning and sat next to the window on the lower deck.

It was very quiet and there were only two other passengers on the lower bit.

A guy got on a few stops after me and stood in the buggy section. From the corner of my eye I could see that he was staring at me.

He then came over and sat beside me. So close he was pressed up against me. I felt blocked in and extremely uncomfortable .

Bear in mind he had his choice of 20 empty seats.

I said excuse me and stood up and went to sit upstairs. Younger me would have sat there intimidated.

AIBU to think he was a total creep? I cannot think of a single innocuous reason for him doing that.

I wish I'd called him out on it.

I'd be upset that my daughter had her personal space violated. I'd not like having my personal space violated either. I don't have any issue in people moving out of situations they feel uncomfortable in, in fact, I'd suggest it ALWAYS. However, I would not assume he was a creep or a pervert or getting sexual kicks. It would cross my mind but my primary advice/thoughs would be to move away from any situation that makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason.

Whisk You have no idea of my life and what I've been through. How dare you.

I hope neither complex nor candycoated have left before giving me the answer to one simple point:

Whether a man would even dream of doing this to another man?

How dare I?

Well I'm not the one who is minimising people's experiences with my comments, am I?

Really, if you can't stand the heat and all that.

OK, candy let's play it your way that it isn't always to do with sex.

But even if so, it is a level of rudeness that shouldn't be accepted. Can you at least agree with that?

My point is candy that I and the numerous other women on this thread who have experienced the same thing should not HAVE to move away from these men.

THEY are the problem, not us. If I sit down on a bus I have the right to remain sitting there without being intimidated, harassed or threatened.

And if you think that ALL these men are harmless naifs who don't know any better then you need to wake up.

Candy if someone is rubbing themselves on you on an empty bus there is something wrong with that. I used to sit next to anyone when I was younger until a man thought that meant I was interested. I was 14 and getting off the bus when this man took it upon himself to pinch my butt. So yes it is odd if a man comes and plonks himself next to you on an empty bus after eyeing you up

FFS! I'm not saying that all men are harmless or that they should be allowed to intimidate you EVER. I wish people would stop reading things into something that isn't there! Of course everyone has the right to sit on the bus that they choose and be left alone. I've not once said that it is in any way acceptable. I said it is wrong but it does not mean it always has sexual undertones. That is it!

I'm NOT a minimiser of uncomfortable experiences. I'm sorry if you can't get that from my posts but you're not listening.

Pedant - a man did do that to my boyfriend, he was asleep on the train in a fairly empty carriage and woke with a jolt when he felt someone rub their leg against his! Accidentally thumped the other guy in the stomach as he woke since he was so disoriented. Did have the desired effect of being left alone again though!

Ask a group of women if this has ever happened to them - there will be a CHORUS of 'yeses' and plenty of stories. Ask men if it has - they'll be baffled. I know because I've asked and men don't get other men or women encroaching on their space like this, rubbing their thighs on them or staring at them. So no, it isn't a personal space issue IMO, it is sexual harassment because if it was, wouldn't men have 'my creepy perv encounter' stories too?

I'm sure many men do it because they're creepy fuckers; my only comment was that not all people do it because they are creepy, there may be other issues at play.

I am genuinely at some of the comments on this thread. On what planet is it not creepy to sit beside a complete stranger when there are twenty empty seats around you? Of course it is intimidating and so yes Complex if you can't see that you have problems, possibly the 'social' kind.

Personally I wish schools and parents would both drive home the message that kids should kick up a stink if people behave inappropriately.

No, you said there is something wrong to assume it's creepy. As the vast majority of these cases are unwarranted sexual attention why would we assume otherwise?

I would think a tiny, tiny minority are down to other issues.

I was badly assaulted on the Paris metro 25 years ago.

I was just 18. I think if you get a feeling you should move, then do it!

Its better to be safe than aggressively fiddled with.

Men shouldn't sit that close to woman. It is a shame his mother failed to teach him that.

Something wrong to assume everyone is doing it for sexual kicks.

It doesn't really matter if his intentions were good, he is still schrodingers rapist

But if it's not for sexual kicks then what is it? I doubt they sit uncomfortably close to you for the sake of keeping warm ffs. It's intimidating and unnerving

they might not be doing it for sexual kicks. Might be a simple power trip. How is this better?

That's an excellent link Yoni

Some people with learning disabilities have a limited social awareness of boundaries. I worked with many young adults who would have sat close to you just to be close to you. I am NOT saying that it was the case in the OP's description btw.

Well having been there and lived the experience I am pretty sure he was being a creep. He was a good looking and well dressed man who appeared to have a high opinion of himself. The way he looked at me the one time I met his eye was undoubtedly lecherous.

But even if I'm wrong it doesn't matter. It's his actions that I object to, that were completely unacceptable.

It doesn't matter a shit why he did what be did but that he did it.

I am really regretting not giving him a bollocking. I hate that the situation made me uncharacteristically meek.

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

Pinky, what a story! Well done to your DP for punching the other guy, by the way.

I think it almost proves my point, though - new question: would any man dream of doing this to a conscious, awake man? Who could defend himself?

I think that's the issue at heart - they don't believe women can defend themselves, or are going to.

Sounds very dodgy to me. Most people would sit in an unused seat before sitting next to someone else, especially if the bus is mostly empty! It is very intimidating if you come across this type of behaviour and that's exactly what these guys get off on. Getting up and moving was the best thing you could have done OP, well done for having the courage.

Bunny Obviously, we can only go on your words. You knew what you felt and trusted your feelings and instinct which is very important. I never said that in your case, he wasn't a horrible creep. I just feel it is wrong to automatically assume every man who behaves in that way is doing it for sexual kicks and appreciate that it's based on my experiences. I apologise if you felt I minimised your experience, that was not what I was trying to say.

It's ok candy. Sorry if I've been snippy.

It's hard to articulate everything that happened and how it made me feel. My internal alarm went off as soon as he got on. Instincts are powerful like that. I am not a paranoid or panicky person at all.

I would have a gigantic but being pregnant puts paid to that .