To not give a bottle at night (when breastfeeding)

[Dontfencemein]

My DS is 4 months old and is EBF. BF has not always been a walk in the park but DS has thrived and I want to continue to EBF.

For the past month or so, DS has been waking frequently, perhaps 4 times per night, max 5. I feed him, put him back to sleep and can recall about two occasions when he has not settled back to sleep fairly quickly. I took the view that this would pass, having read about sleep regression and spoken to other mothers in same boat, both BF and not. I am on maternity leave and have no other children, so can live with broken nights. I have told DH on numerous occasions that he may want to sleep in spare room until things settle. He won't. DH doesn't ever get up at night but I appreciate that he may be disturbed and be tired at work.

DH's parents are very close to him and are heavily involved in our lives. DH and his family are actively trying to get me to give DS a bottle at night to get him to sleep. It would appear that there have been a great many conversations about this between them. To try to keep the peace, I went to GP who was supportive of continued EBF. When I fed this back, in factual text to MIL, I received a further plea to give bottle with the subtext that I am being selfish, am not coping myself (because I cried one day), have serious problems with DH's sleep and don't know what I am doing.

I am very upset and feel utterly ganged up on. DH says I am arrogant and won't accept advice (from him and his mother). My own mother is dead and my family is abroad.

I don't bloody want to give a bottle (and who is to say it would impact on DS's sleep in any event). I can't explain this, it is just the way I feel. There is no medical reason to give a bottle. I was really enjoying being a parent and it has all gone arse over tit now and I feel totally undermined. AIBU?

YANBU. They may just be concerned but are not helping.

Stick to your guns. At 4 months of age, there is a chance your DS wouldn't take a bottle anyway. If they remain adamant, have you thought about expressing milk and giving it in a bottle in the evening? I have done this with my DD since she was 3 weeks old, and its worked really well for us (DD slept through from 16 weeks, but I appreciate that all babies are different).

YANBU. A bottle might or might not make any difference at all, it's not a magic sleep potion.

You sound like you're doing fine. 4 months is classic growth spurt time.

I introduced an evening bottle for my EBF DD when she was 7 months old. It made no difference whatsoever to her sleeping (which, I now know, was absolutely normal and fine for her age - I didn't know that then!) and (I suspect) triggered a bout of eczema. If I could go back in time there's no bloody way I'd do it, it was completely unnecessary. I do consider it to have been the most obvious parenting mistake I made.

Giving a bottle at night is more likely to mess up your supply than a bottle at other times of day - eg 9am.

Your MIL had her children when understanding of bf processes was less. Back then it was much more recommended to give a bottle because the reasons behind cluster feeding and the variations in milk makeup weren't understood. That doesn't make what she did wrong - she probably obediently put DH to sleep on his tummy too, with no ill effects.

How does your DH respond to SCIENCE and FACTS? If you present it as "look what they've discovered nowadays, isn't science amazing" is he more likely to support you than if you talk about your wants and feelings?

I am sad for you that he is dismissing your ideas because you are a motherless mother. That is unkind and unfair.

In my (anecdotal) experience bottle fed babies wake less frequently in the night, but when they do, they are SO much harder to settle than breastfed babies.

Breastfeeding is going well for you. It sounds like you're doing a great job. Your baby is still tiny, it WILL get easier and better.

You need to have a conversation with your DH and agree how you want to feed and raise your child. Your DH needs to support you and make clear to his parents that you are BOTH happy and the situation is working for you.

Keep doing what you're doing and ride it out, it sounds like you have your head screwed on and can cope with the sleepless nights so you've no reason to take anyone else's advice, its not needed.

A bottle isn't necessarily going to make him sleep better, as you already stated.

Don't give in to what someone else thinks is right for you and your baby. Its going to happen a lot by the sounds of it!

See it as a test of your confidence in your ability to provide for him. You'll pass with flying colours

Sounds like your normal 4 month sleep regression. A bottle will likely not make any difference, but will affect your supply.

Tell your DH to stop being cowardly and using his family to gang up on you. If his sleep is being affected, you have another room that he can use so that's his choice (my DH does this). There is NOTHING to suggest a bottle will help him settle - BF is also about comfort and closeness to Mum as well as feeding. My bottle-fed baby was the worst sleeper of them all.

I assume your DH is volunteering to give the bottle himself since he's so keen on it? Thought not. If he expects you to do the feeding, then do it your way.

Also, stop "feeding back" to your MIL. It's none of her business and by including her all the time, you are sending the message that her opinion is important.

YANBU!

I have had nothing but unsupportive comments from both our famillies since I mentioned wanting to breastfeed at 6 months pregnant (so much so I was given a pack of Aptimal as a new baby gift from my Gran "because its pretty much the same as breastmilk but I don't have to act like a cite to feed DD"

DD is now 10 months and is a terrible sleeper but the 3 times she's had a bottle before bed she's somehow been worse.

I do moan about her sleep and I am exhausted but I can't be arsed with the bottle faff in the middle of the might if she doesn't suddenly sleep though.

Your baby, your choice but a bottle won't guarantee sleep.

*act like a cow

not cite

OP, there is nothing wrong with what you're doing.

However, I would nip the PIL over involvement and your husband siding with them in the bud NOW. Otherwise, this will get worse.

YANBU.
Show them blog post

It's tongue in cheek, but sadly very, very accurate. Point 4 applies to you :)

Express an evening feed and give the bottle to dh to feed. Baby will probably hate it, your dh will get stressed and leave you alone about bottle feeding.

YANBU at all. You are not suffering, your baby is thriving and if DH is so bothered about his sleep, he has the option of the spare room. It seems that everyone wants you to give a bottle for your DH's benefit really, not you or your baby's.

YANBU It does your milk supply no good and is none of their business anyway

Yanbu! Your dh would do well to grow a pair and tell his mother to keep her nose out. If they keep on maybe you could consider expressing so that he can get up with ds in the night

YANBU and you are doing brilliantly.

Just wanted to lend my support too. You are 100% right to stick to your guns.

Your MIL has some cheek to suggest you are being selfish. You are trying to do the best for your child - she is being selfish as it seems all she is concerned with is HER (grown-up) son's sleep. (And, as you have stated, there is an obvious solution to that!)

I'm sure things will settle once you start weaning (which you may wish to do before 6 months if he still seems hungry, or if his weight gain stagnates)

But IGNORE the stupid cow! And tell your DH to stop being an unsupportive prick.

Ps my mum died before my DC were born so I know how hard that is. Your DH and his family should be mindful of that.

OP your situation sounds pretty tough I am sorry your DH's family are being unsupportive.

I experienced something similar, my own mother would say things like you should not bf when you are on your period and that he was crying because my milk is not enough. My sister would say that my inability to pump meant I was not producing enough milk I could go on and on.

I responded with facts. Now they asks me for advice when they look after him. Because I asserted myself and had valid reasons.

I don't know how that would work with your DH the male ego is pretty fragile.

YANBU. You sound like a sensitive and brilliant mum. You're right to listen to your instincts - and science is on your side www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/

Stick to your guns as other posters have said. I caved and gave a bottle around this age to "help", made no bloody difference to DD's sleep. Only thing it did do was make her realise she preferred bottle to breast and every bf became a screaming match to the point I had to give up bf-ing and ff. I cried for weeks.

Do what YOU want. I won't be so easily swayed this time round.

Totally anecdotal but one of my friends gave up BF at seven weeks to get her DD to sleep better, she didn't sleep through until she was five years old whereas my EBF DS slept through at about 10 weeks old. FF isn't a magic wand for sleep.