To not give a bottle at night (when breastfeeding)

[Dontfencemein]

My DS is 4 months old and is EBF. BF has not always been a walk in the park but DS has thrived and I want to continue to EBF.

For the past month or so, DS has been waking frequently, perhaps 4 times per night, max 5. I feed him, put him back to sleep and can recall about two occasions when he has not settled back to sleep fairly quickly. I took the view that this would pass, having read about sleep regression and spoken to other mothers in same boat, both BF and not. I am on maternity leave and have no other children, so can live with broken nights. I have told DH on numerous occasions that he may want to sleep in spare room until things settle. He won't. DH doesn't ever get up at night but I appreciate that he may be disturbed and be tired at work.

DH's parents are very close to him and are heavily involved in our lives. DH and his family are actively trying to get me to give DS a bottle at night to get him to sleep. It would appear that there have been a great many conversations about this between them. To try to keep the peace, I went to GP who was supportive of continued EBF. When I fed this back, in factual text to MIL, I received a further plea to give bottle with the subtext that I am being selfish, am not coping myself (because I cried one day), have serious problems with DH's sleep and don't know what I am doing.

I am very upset and feel utterly ganged up on. DH says I am arrogant and won't accept advice (from him and his mother). My own mother is dead and my family is abroad.

I don't bloody want to give a bottle (and who is to say it would impact on DS's sleep in any event). I can't explain this, it is just the way I feel. There is no medical reason to give a bottle. I was really enjoying being a parent and it has all gone arse over tit now and I feel totally undermined. AIBU?

Pardon my French but fuck the lot of them. I had the same bullshit OP AND I ignored them. They can't rip your child from the breast.

I agree with the expressing and letting your husband (who incidentally deserves a shoe up his arse) do some night feeds. Him and subsequently his interfering bastard relatives will soon shut up.

I second very sweetly handing your 'D'H a bottle of expressed milk and saying 'here, you can do the night feed now, isn't that what you wanted?'. But then I can be a complete cow and my DH was always completely supportive.

Since this is part of a wider battle for control though I would definitely make this your red line and take a stand. Your H can either man up or ship out.

YANBU

They are! Especially your DH. When my DD was born 6 months ago we were living in a 1 bed flat ( tiny) and my husband took the couch so he would have a less broken sleep. In fact as I had an emcs he did everything but feed the baby during the night for the first 6 weeks.

You sound like you have the confidence to stick to your guns and it is normal for new mothers to cry on occasion.

You should take over the spare room and have lovely co-sleeping breast feeds and leave your DH to it.

YANBU, agree you should stick to your guns. There's no reason to give your DS a bottle at night if he's thriving and you're happy to BF him at night. Unless you and your DH are keen for your DH to do all the night feeds, that is.

Your DH does have the spare room option if he's worried about his own sleep.

And FWIW, bottle feeding won't necessarily make a difference to your DS's sleep. My DN's were both formula fed, and neither has ever slept all the way through (eldest DN is 3 yrs).

I've not read through all the posts but like the sound of purplepoodles advice on page 1!

I never did. I stuck to my guns gritted my teeth and never had a bottle in the house. You sound like you are managing wonderfully. Your baby will gothrough this stage whether you bow to pressure or not. There are so many good reasons to stick with EBF so You know best. Xxx

you and ds move in to ds' room - pop a mattress on his floor and leave dh to it. Tell him to sort mil out as you have made your decision.

YA absolutely definitely NBU at all. Your baby's sleeping pattern is normal. You're doing the best for him.

Don't give the bottle. 2,kids, 4years bf here. Never even owned a bottle. Super tired for bloody ages. Worth every demented minute to stick by what I believed was best.
Only difference was that my husband was with me every step of the way, getting up when I couldn't, to do what he could without lactating. . .

You sound like a wonderful mother.

My EBF 3mo DS has slept through the night from 9 weeks, with last feed at either 8 or 9ish (I'm feeding on demand) and not waking until gone 7.30 except for 1 night. Obviously we've lucked out and things could change. As everyone saysit depends on baby not method of feeding.
Interestingly I was talking to my MIL and DM. Advice for their generation was to ween from 4 months and MIL was told to put rusk in last bottle from 3months to fill tummy. Science moves on and we have better advice. OP obviously has other family issues but might explain their ideas? Is she just desparate to feed baby?
If you want more support how about the national breast feeding helpline?

How are you being selfish? You are giving your baby the best possible start by EBF for as long as you can. In order to do this you're happy to give up a solid nights sleep (if, and it's a big if, this was the sole cause of him not sleeping longer stretches). IM experience FF or BF has no impact on how well my babies sleep. DS had occasional FF as I really struggled with intensity of BF he didn't sleep through until 7 months, DD, who is a dream baby, has never had a FF and has slept from 10pm to 6am pretty consistently since she was 8 weeks old (I'm waiting for it all to end suddenly don't worry!). Basically how your baby sleeps is an individual thing, some sleep better when co-sleeping, some don't, some like the space of a big cot from a early age, some don't. How they are fed is only a small part of what affects their sleep.
Have you tried sitting down and explaining how all this feels to your DP? He may not fully understand the depth of your commitment to EBF.
Good luck and hope it all works out peacefully for you. Congrats on being such a good mum to your new LO btw

Your DH gets more sleep by you having an instant milk supply than he would if you had to faff around with a bottle.

Tbh as neither your DP nor his family are actually getting up in the middle of the night 4-5 times, maybe they keep their opinions to themselves?

Yanbu of course.

YANBU at all. It is your choice and they have to support it. And believe me, I expressed and ff my DD for some time and it was fine for a while but I felt less connected to her, and a visceral reaction when MIL and others fed her, and a sense of loss. Her feeds somehow became a public event when they should have been something private and personal.
So stick to your guns if that is what you want.

You are totally NOT BU. Absolutely none of your ILs' business what happens in your house at night. Do they have an opinion on your sex life, too? The thread count of your sheets? It's really nothing to do with them so they can shove their opinions/texts/hints up their interfering arses. You are happy with the way things are, you're feeding your child how you want to, and it sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

YANBU!!! I say that as a mother expecting dc6 any day. I've ff all mine. That's my choice. Just as yours is to ebf. My sister ebf both of her dc. DN is 2.4 yes old now. Still bf& never had a bottle.

My mum & other dsis go on about it constantly.

I have always supported my sister's choice/decision to ebf.

It's no one's business how you feed your baby. Your baby & your choice. Well done & carry on!

Same thing happened here. On and on about the bloody bottle. One day I just snapped and shouted
"He is not having a bottle!! Ever!!!"
2.5 years on I'm still happily breastfeeding and everyone has shut up. Stick to your guns

YANBU!!!
If you are lucky enough to be able to EBF to 4 months and managing the night feeds then you are doing great and I certainly wouldn't start with bottles now.

Send your MIL 'The Good Grandma Guide' book. I think it actually says to keep your opinions to yourself as things have changed.

I struggled with BF and had a very stressful time dealing with DD not gaining weight. My position was that unless input from family is helpful and supportive then I don't want to hear it and I won't discuss it with them.

I think a calm assertive talk with DH about boundaries would be in order and if he goes crying to mummy again you will move into the spare room. Could he possibly be a bit jealous? I wouldn't engage with MIL as she needs to be reminded that she has no say in how you feed your child. DH and MIL should be shouting from the rooftops how bloody wonderful and selfless you are continuing to EBF their DC/GC for as long as you have and not undermining you!

Definitely agree with other posters regarding finding local BF support group (try local sure start centre) and kellymom website for facts.

Please don't feel pressured and stick to your guns. I EBF a very hungry baby and I introduced an evening formula bottle at 14 weeks which I thought would be the magic wand to get him to sleep better at night... Made no difference. And then I had the hassle of sterilising etc. Some babies aren't great sleepers, but they all get there eventually! It's frustrating that your husband is using the ILs to gang up on you... I agree with some of the others, get your DH to try giving baby an expressed bottle and see how "easy" it is.

I had a total non sleeper.

I carried on ebf to 6 months then weaned and carried on bfing. DD only slept through at 12 months.

She is now 15mo and sleeps most nights, still has a bf before going to sleep.

It was hard but I wouldn't have changed it. I had so much pressure and now bizarre looks when people hear I'm still feeding her to get her into a bottle. In the end she turned out to be a bottle refuser

Stick to your guns and tell them to piss off. It's not affecting them, it's best for your baby and you want to carry on

It is your choice and they should be supportive of you.

When you say this is about wider issues of power and control, is that with your partner, your partner's family or both of them.

If it is his family, I agree that you need to draw a line in the sand. Otherwise they will feel that they can direct every aspect of your parenting for ever more.

If your partner is involved in this (rather than having just been talked round on this issue by persuasive family) then I really feel for you. Do you want to talk about it?

Wow if my mil even dared to comment on the way I feed my baby my dh would tell her it's none of her business as would I. She is out of order and he is for not supporting you

How dare they behave like this! You need to politely but firmly nip this in the bud now - otherwise you'll find you start to receive "advice" on everything else. I've got three DC, one EBF for a year and the other two were bottle fed after the first few weeks. No discernible difference in their sleeping patterns. I did try to give my EBF DD a bottle of formula at about 5 months as I was going to be away overnight and didn't have enough expressed milk stored - she would not take it, no way, she wasn't used to the taste. So I had to express like mad to build up enough in the freezer. A bottle isn't a magic wand! Good luck.

I suspect MIL is also not up yo date with current advise that you make a bottle of formula up.with recently boiled water then cool it. This is a major faff, especially with a screaming, hungry baby at 3 in the morning. You will both have less sleep, but at least DH would be dealing with it half the time!! So much easier to just but them to the breast.

I don't think it will make any difference to sleeping anyway. DD2 was combo feed but I always breast feed her dream feed and shred slept through from 10 weeks