To think we are just as entitled to this help as 'older' people?

[Edenviolet]

We have four dcs all with significant health issues. I do not drive and we struggle to get them to the numerous and frequent hospital appts and they also have a lot of illnesses so need to see the gp a lot.

This has meant dh taking far too much time off and when he can't it costs a fortune in taxi fares.

Our gp surgery runs a transport scheme for gp and hosp appts. I phoned today as we really need the help. The woman I spoke to was decidedly off and said the service is really meant for older people, and how had I been getting to appts till now why couldn't I do that. She was very sharp in her manner and quite dismissive. Then she said I had to see the dr to get approved and that they might not and if they do there was no guarantee she would be able to find a driver when I needed one.

I phoned back to make the gp appt and suddenly heard my name in the background- the woman I'd just spoken to was talking about me and dcs to another person and it didn't sound complimentary! The receptionist I was speaking to suddenly realised, put the call on hold then came back on and said , oh I'm really sorry about that.

It has made me feel like rubbish

formerbabe can it be said to be free, if it costs you £20 to get there and back? Genuine question.

Sorry, Doublelife, I'd forgotten about those posts.

I never get comments like "why did you have so many kids?". It's not like you can stuff a small child back up your fanjo. "Sorry, darling. Random stranger on the internet says I shouldn't have had you. Up you go!"

I am genuinely baffled that anyone would think of asking for help to get to hospital/doctors appointments, even if they are struggling for money. It wouldn't even occur to me...and no one on here knows my circumstances so I don't appreciate being told I don't have a clue!

Aibu is my favourite topic on MN and I normally even like the fighty threads, but I hate it when we get a vulnerable poster like the op being flamed.

Have an un mumsnetty hug.

Have you looked into getting some outside help, ie home start etc to give you a break. It must be taking its toll on you and you need to look after yourself to look after everyone else.

I'd be shopping around for the car insurance using a website like Quidco (and getting some valuable cash back)

Have you spoken to anyone (friends/school mums etc) bout this, even if I didn't know you well at the school gates I'd still try and help, be it taking kids to doctors/shopping, looking after kids etc.

None of us signed up for health problems - do people think we would inflict that purposely on our children.

Formerbabe shut the fuck up.

OP - I'm not trying to have a go but if you receive money through DLA (is it pip now) that includes a motability element (not the car but funding) in our trust you will not be eligible for patient transport as you have been given provision via disability payments to help with transport (be it taxis/car loan).

OP, getting fruit and veg from the local green grocers is usually cheaper than supermarkets. It won't save you lots but a few quid here and there will help.

I love lidl, find their food is as good as most of the other shops. If you have one near by.

Can you swap electric and gas suppliers? Again might save you a few quid or so a month.

Sorry didn't read the whole thread but you really should complain about that receptionist. You had every right to ask about the service, she shouldn't have been rude and dismissive and she definitely shouldn't have gossiped about your private circumstances publicly! If you could hear her over the phone when you were talking to someone else who else could hear her?! It's a clear breach of confidentiality.

Since OP struggles to get around then it might be really difficult switching to aldi or local green grocers. To be fair, £100 a week for 2 adults and 4 children including nappies doesn't seem ridiculously extravagant.

If you haven't got any thing useful to say formerbabe then go away.

Having 4dcs is hard enough without them having Heath proplems too.

I think a good way forward is your dh giving up work , I'm sorry but your dcs should be his number 1 priority ,
It would solve a lot of problems.

I really feel for you. It must be so hard.
If your anywhere near me I'd happily take you to some appointments ,

Hope it gets better for you soon

Apologies if this has already been linked, but Help with Travel Costs - NHS England

Most people's advice on this thread has been for op's DH to quit work, at least in the short term.
But op's main problem is that he doesn't want to do this, for reasons that are ever so slightly self serving.

Without him onboard making decisions that will benefit the family as a whole she's basically trapped, especially as she has the additional fear at the back of her mind that he'll walk out if pushed...
Not an enviable situation for anyone to find themselves in, and not one that can be put right so easily

I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for the OP's DH to resign from his job. You don't automatically get JSA if you do that do you?

No he would become a carer .

OP, I noticed one of the things you buy regularly are nappies. Have you looked on Amazon? We have DS1's pullups (and previously DS2's nappies) on order - a bit less expensive than the supermarket, and they are shipped to our home address (free shipping, and we have a standing order that shows up regularly, based on what we choose). Just something you can check in to, perhaps.

Also, make a list of all regular appointments and checkups your DCs have. I've noticed that a number of appointments with DS1's specialists could actually have been handled over the phone - and I am going to be speaking to the paediatrician about having a brief "phone appointment" for every other appointment, as it's generally more discussion between ourselves than any actual examination. If it's a matter of needing vitals taken for the DC due to meds they are on, and they are seeing other specialists regularly as well, you can always ask the other specialist to please forward that information regularly to the others. Again, this may reduce an appointment for you here or there while still monitoring medical conditions adequately IYSWIM.

Another thing to consider is scheduling regular days for appointments - if you can sort out which days are available for each specialist they see - (as some only do clinic appointments on certain days/certain hours), figure out what times overlap - see if you can book appointments for the same days whenever possible. Or try to organise it so your DH can give you a lift IN to the appointment on his way to work, so that the only transportation sorted is the lift home. That reduces your travel cost in half.

Hope that helps a little bit.

re the nappies, when I say I order them on Amazon, I mean on subscription. sorry, meant to have that in there

Hedgehog, I know you said earlier that you get a carers allowance, obviously the sums the government uses for this are saying that even if you had 20 children you would only be entitled to one payment, but surely your children's needs should be assessed on an individual level. Basically, I'm wondering if your SW has looked into funding to allow you to employ someone as a support worker for a few hours a week?

I have no idea if that's feasible, or if there is a component for that already worked into their existing dla payments that is already spent elsewhere, but I can't help thinking that if your dc were in residential care a 1:4 ratio is unlikely.... Taking some pressure off you and allowing a bit of head space would perhaps free you up to deal with the more difficult obstacles you face.

I kind of understand your dh's reasoning for not giving up his job, apart from the clear reluctance to test his ability to cope with the situation, we're constantly berated with the message that employment is the ideal and it's a 'bad' thing to expect to be cared for financially. If you have that is a strongly embedded ideal, being convinced otherwise is nigh on impossible. He may be genuinely fostering the idea that long term the family will be more secure.

I definitely agree that you should talk to the consultants your dc are under about trialling telephone reviews, if they need blood tests or other things that could be done at the GP they can access those results and enable you to make the journeys you do make more efficient.

I'm also that your taxi vouchers seem to be allocated per household rather than per person - is that right? 24 is such a low figure I can't fathom the possibility that it's an individual allocation. It seems off to me tbh.

Sparkly knickers - 24 taxi tokens annually is generous now. My area offers 12 annually (just 6 return journey's worth...), IF I forego my bus pass. Some LA's offer none.

The cuts affect us in more ways than just finances.

Our LA doesn't offer taxi tokens at all, Sparklyknickers.

That's definitely shit - there's been rumblings in our council about getting rid of the ring and ride buses and playing it down by saying they'll offer taxi subsidies instead.

My df gets DLA following a series of strokes in his 40's, but in all honestly is lucky enough that all his amenities are close enough for him to spend the day walking (dragging a leg ) to and from them so his mobility covers trips further afield. Difference being he very much chooses to do that and doesn't have to as I'm an option when the weathers to bad or he's really suffering.

formerbabe Sat 11-Jan-14 12:41:21
"I am genuinely baffled that anyone would think of asking for help to get to hospital/doctors appointments, even if they are struggling for money. "

So what would you do if your child developed a serious chronic condition and you had no money? Just sit there and watch her deteriorate in the knowledge that she might die or be permanently disabled if her condition is not properly monitored? Isn't that tantamount to neglect?

She has got 4 disabled children for crying out loud! She didn't fucking ask for that! She didn't know they were going to be disabled FFS!

She did say upthread, though, that after the first 2, they knew subsequent DC would have eds, I think. Anyhoo, that's by the by as their family is as it is now and that's what she needs help with. I can't help feeling that DH needs to step up more here - the OP can't do this on her own.

Why does one of your dcs go to a private school? Sorry if thats been covered.