To think we are just as entitled to this help as 'older' people?

[Edenviolet]

We have four dcs all with significant health issues. I do not drive and we struggle to get them to the numerous and frequent hospital appts and they also have a lot of illnesses so need to see the gp a lot.

This has meant dh taking far too much time off and when he can't it costs a fortune in taxi fares.

Our gp surgery runs a transport scheme for gp and hosp appts. I phoned today as we really need the help. The woman I spoke to was decidedly off and said the service is really meant for older people, and how had I been getting to appts till now why couldn't I do that. She was very sharp in her manner and quite dismissive. Then she said I had to see the dr to get approved and that they might not and if they do there was no guarantee she would be able to find a driver when I needed one.

I phoned back to make the gp appt and suddenly heard my name in the background- the woman I'd just spoken to was talking about me and dcs to another person and it didn't sound complimentary! The receptionist I was speaking to suddenly realised, put the call on hold then came back on and said , oh I'm really sorry about that.

It has made me feel like rubbish

I think the idea of DH leaving work to support you all (and at same time improve immediate financial and practical situation) and perhaps starting an OU course or something similar to give him a work related focus outside the home - and hopefully improve future prospects - is something really worth thinking about.

I can see why you'd want to use the glucose monitoring system for your dd rather than multiple finger pricking method, especially after reading your post about the realities of it for her

Would you like help with getting the food bill down? Genuine question - No is a perfectly acceptable answer

I only say because our food bill was getting out of hand and we've managed to get it down to about £70 per week for a family of 5. I don't know how that compares with your food bill?

I'm trying to think of ways to free up some of the money you have coming in, so that the taxis are less of a burden, because I worry that you're not going to get the help you want with transport either through costs/availability, and if your DH isn't going to give up work, something has to give. It must be so very stressful for you.

I totally agree, Juggling, I was pointing out halfwildingwoman that it is seen as a luxury, so not available on the NHS. Unfortunately, the common understanding of the word 'essential' is not the one used when it comes to NHS funding assessments.

Have you tried to get it funded on the NHS, Hedgehog80? Have you tried to get DD1 statemented with the school she attends named on the statement, so that you don't have to top up her fees?

this is a long thread so sorry if i am repeating myself contact the hospitals the childrens appointments are at and ask them about patient transport years ago the wrvs used to run schemes for transport i have used them in the past,

Hedgehog, have you sat down and worked out how much you'd have coming in if DH did give up work?

Then work out how much you would save if he did so, for example, no massive car loan payment, no hefty car insurance payment, reduced petrol costs.

If you got a Motability car it would cost one of your DC's HRM component per month (£221), that's everything except fuel. You'd not have to pay tax, tyres, maintenance, insurance etc. so you'd save there.

As you would need a large car, and owing to your circumstances, you could apply to Motabilty for a grant for the advanced payment, if there was one.

Your DH might like going to work etc, but it's not just about him, is it? The DC should be first, he should not be thinking about his wants.

Well, at least it's not just me this kind of thread happens to... People want you to justify the whole of your earnings/ lifestyle/ strategies and you spend your valuable emotional energy and reserves on defending yourself and explaining...

Then get blamed anyway as some bright spark decides something you say isn't true/ comes up with some completely unworkable 'solution', and if you don't immediately grovel and accept that 'solution', you are blamed and vilified.

People cannot accept that life genuinely IS this tough for some people, and no, it isn't their fault, and no, it isn't due to the budgeting/ priorities/ attitude etc.

God it's depressing

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts that's hardly fair

The fact is that the OP has said on this thread only that she gets 4 DLA allowances for her children, plus tax credits, etc., but the taxi costs are too high.

People have pointed out that her DH is taking their car, bought with an extortinoate loan, to accommodate their children and their needs, 1 hour's drive away all day, so they have to get taxis to hospital.

The posters are saying this doesn't seem right or fair.

What I meant by 'on this thread only' is that they haven't gone trawling for facts from other threads.

Why have four children in the first place?

That's irrelevant, formerbabe, isn't it?

This thread is about the situation they're in now and people are trying to help. You can't undo children, nor should you be able to.

Would appreciate help with food bill, we have tried to cut it down by changing to value brands for biscuits etc. atypical week its about 100 pounds

We get the following from value range: toilet paper, kitchen paper, biscuits, cleaning sponges and cloths, baby wipes, frozen veg.

Rest of shopping is usually things like salad, fruit, bread, pasta, nappies and pull ups, cleaning and washing stuff, pasta, soup, cereal bars, cartons of juice, frozen food etc etc etc. packed lunch stuff for ds1 and dh for weekdays. We cut back on meat as it was expensive, usually have some on a Sunday, pasta dishes or frozen food rest of the week.

I think the best thing we did, was to buy a bigger amount of meat for a Sunday roast, like a big chicken, then use the left over meat for 2 or even 3 meals in the week.

For instance, a large chicken will do:

-Roast chicken on Sunday
-Chicken&veg pie
-Chicken pilaff (rice, tomatoes, red pepper and chicken)
or chicken risotto
etc.

That way, you have 3/4 of your 7 days catered for in one chicken. Then you can pad out the other 3 days with a pasta dish, sausage casserole, etc.

Frozen food can be poor value, because it is what it is, if you see what I mean - you can't bulk it up. Whereas food cooked from scratch can have some extra fillings added, that don't cost too much but fill you up more.

Do you know what, it is hard sometimes on here when people think I'm ignoring advice but they don't realise how difficult things are and what is a solution to them wouldn't actually work for us then it appears that I'm saying no to everything even though I do want change.

The help with small things like the food bill and what meals we could do is an immense help, its something I think I could do. We rely on frozen food as its so quick and we are pushed for time but with a bit of effort and planning I could make some changes and I'm really grateful lougle for all your help. Even if it frees up 20 a week that's still a hospital visit paid for.

Its not irrelevant. The op sounds very entitled...take the responsibility for getting your children to their FREE healthcare appointments.

Could you contact some community support groups and see if there is someone that would be willing to drive your vehicle either voluntarily or for a small fee on the days you need to go to hospital appointments? Your DH could get public transport on those days.

Have you got a Lidl or Aldi nearby Hedgehog?

I appreciate with your DC's allergies you can't get all your food there, but their cleaning products are much cheaper, as are washing powders/liquids, washing up liquid, baby wipes, toilet roll and kitchen roll and toiletries.

Have you got a Home Bargains? Again, they do food stuffs, particularly snacky type things, squash, toiletries, toilet roll, kitchen roll, cleaning stuff is far cheaper.

Have a look at approved foods. You could save money by do an order there.

Does your baby nap after lunch? Could you get DD2 involved in helping you chop some veggies to add to some chicken thighs to make a chicken soup? I make one once a week, I just use root veg, some stock, sometimes some lentils, leeks, celery, fling it in the oven for a couple of hours and you've got a good meal. It does 4 of us adults 2 days. I sometimes put make some dumplings to make it go further.

I make quite a few soups, they are cheap and filling. They don't always take long but I don't know how they'd fit in with your DD's diabetes.

Doublelife what you said is not fair. A lot of us are trying to help Hedgehog make her money go further.

formerbabe with respect you haven't got a bloody clue.

I have a disability. I am under 4 consultants in 3 different hospitals. I go to see each of them every 6-8 weeks, the nearest hospital is 25 miles away. Add in to that the times I have to go into hospital.

On top of that I tend to see my GP more often and need to pick up my prescriptions every 4 weeks. The GP is 7 miles away.

The OP has 4 lots of that. It is not bloody easy. Her DH, and she will admit it herself, as well as her extended family, are not the most supportive or helpful people on the planet.

The hospital appointments might be free, but unless she invests in a fucking magic carpet, getting there is not and that is causing her problems!

what IAMINVISIBLE said really nobody asks to be ill or disabled hospitals are not on our door step and we need to be able to get their it isnt an either or the OPS children have to GO, like many of us , I had to go to a hospital as a child 50 odd miles away my local hospital didnt have the consultants to deal with my disability, it is hard to get to places and if transport is available people should be able to access it,

How much more free help do people want? Free money, free healthcare, free education. I struggle with many things, why is it everyone else's problem/responsibility. Again, why have four children if you can't manage?

why have any children then NOBody knows what is ahead of us when we get pregnant I just think some peoples attitudes are a bit about free stuff like it or not we live in a welfare state we are entitled to a lot of free stuff

OP's psychic powers must have failed when she conceived her children. She did not know they'd all have complex health problems.

Seriously formerbabe, piss off.

Ianinvisible I was reacting to the first few pages and some of the remaining posters who are indeed doing exactly what I have observed. I was not commenting on people who are helping OP with things that she genuinely does need help with.

There is a difference between genuine help with budgeting and constant calls for justifications via personal details of someone's life which are raked through and the OP always found wanting. A big difference!

She has got 4 disabled children for crying out loud! She didn't fucking ask for that! She didn't know they were going to be disabled FFS!

I have got 2 NT DC who have had health issues. It's not easy when one of them is in hospital, or when one has an appointment and the other needed picking up from school!

Fucking hell, "struggling with many things" is in no way comparable to being disabled. When was the last time you had to get your teenage son to help you put your knickers on because your DH is away with the Forces and there is no fucking help from Social Services?

The OP is in an unenviable situation. She takes responsibility for herself and her family. She just needs a bit of help getting to the hospital.