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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we are just as entitled to this help as 'older' people?

358 replies

Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 11:05

We have four dcs all with significant health issues. I do not drive and we struggle to get them to the numerous and frequent hospital appts and they also have a lot of illnesses so need to see the gp a lot.

This has meant dh taking far too much time off and when he can't it costs a fortune in taxi fares.

Our gp surgery runs a transport scheme for gp and hosp appts. I phoned today as we really need the help. The woman I spoke to was decidedly off and said the service is really meant for older people, and how had I been getting to appts till now why couldn't I do that. She was very sharp in her manner and quite dismissive. Then she said I had to see the dr to get approved and that they might not and if they do there was no guarantee she would be able to find a driver when I needed one.

I phoned back to make the gp appt and suddenly heard my name in the background- the woman I'd just spoken to was talking about me and dcs to another person and it didn't sound complimentary! The receptionist I was speaking to suddenly realised, put the call on hold then came back on and said , oh I'm really sorry about that.

It has made me feel like rubbish Sad

OP posts:
Tullahulla · 10/01/2014 22:16

You need to look closer to home for solutions, it seems social worker is gently trying to say you have all the help and entitlement you can get, there are no more options for you.

lougle · 10/01/2014 22:21

I have no idea what car you have, Hedgehog. I do know that our old, S Reg, Ford Galaxy, which accomodates all sorts of stuff, cost us £800 and has lasted us 3 years so far and is still going strong.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:24

Initially dh got a Zafira, it broke and cost double what he paid for it to get fixed then we couldn't fit dcs and wheelchair in it so got a Kia Sedona.

OP posts:
ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:27

Why don't you just buy a small cheap car for the work commute, and rely on taxis (that can take wheelchairs as necessary) the rest of the time.
If you moved your oldest to a state school she would get free transport to and from school which would also resolve another of your problems?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:30

The school have said that from September they will provide her with transport home (dh drops her off in mornings) so that will help a huge amount. Just a shame its not from now but better than nothing.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 10/01/2014 22:31

Your unsupportive dh who tells you he hates looking after your dc is probably your biggest problem, really Sad

ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:32

Why don't you get the school to take her in the morning as well? One less thing to worry about.

ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:35

Surely your third child could also do full time at pre-school as well? There should be funding available somewhere. Only having one child to look after in school hours would make a massive difference to you, and would then be beneficial for everyone.

IamInvisible · 10/01/2014 22:35

No wonder the insurance is so high. The engine will be at least a 2l, probably a 2.9. I bet it absolutely guzzles fuel. If I were you I'd sell it and buy something more economical and cheaper to insure.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:36

He doesn't mean it, I think its just tiredness and frustration talking. Some nights dd is up all night having hypos. Dh gets exhausted and stressed.

OP posts:
whois · 10/01/2014 22:36

Your unsupportive dh who tells you he hates looking after your dc is probably your biggest problem, really

I couldn't agree more. OP struggles day in day out trying to car for her DCs and DH escapes to work with the huge cash-pit car leaving wife and disabled DCs stuck at home.

DH doesn't really sound like he wants what is best for the family.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:37

Dds pre school is just 915-1215 they don't do full day sessions, all other nurseries full and it would take a while to get them trained etc to do her injections. She starts full time school in September so not too long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:40

I know why he goes to work, its not just a job its his place to get away. He works hard, its a difficult job but he gets to drink hot coffee, go to the toilet in peace and not have to worry about dcscollapsing/dislocating or having a hypo. Until I phone him moaning and crying that I can't cope.

I think really he does need to give up, we have just been hoping things would improve.

OP posts:
ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:45

You didn't know your social worker could do to help. Ask her/him to find a full time place for your preschooler at a nursery somewhere, and organise transport to and from it. That would make everyones life easier. Get transport for your other school age children so that your sh doesn't have to do the school run. Sell the ridiculous car and get taxis everywhere - there should easily be money left over. That would all make your life so much easier.

IamInvisible · 10/01/2014 22:46

He doesn't just escape to work, though does he? He manages to fit in a 10 day holiday as well!

ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:49

If you only have one child at home during the day, with the others all being transported from the home to and from schools or preschool for you, do you think that would be manageable? It might be nice to do the school run on a daily basis for them, but I think it is a luxury you (and plenty if working parents) simply do not have.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:50

I don't want dd2 in full time nursery yet, her diabetes is too unpredictable, part time pre school is best for her at the moment and they've just got to grips with everything and she's settled in and loves it. I don't want to move her till she goes to full time school in September as we want to start her on a insulin pump before then.

OP posts:
livelablove · 10/01/2014 22:52

Maybe he has not been the tower of strength we would hope, but it can't be easy for him either. He is trying, working hard plus helping at night and so on. Op if he were to give up work, he would be less tired as he could rest during the day, and maybe he could find something to do so he could get out and have a break regularly.

SoonToBeSix · 10/01/2014 22:52

Yes your dh could claim carers for one of your dc's if be stopped work.
Unfortunately family fund no longer give money for driving lessons.
What lougle said is correct you should still get hb.

Floggingmolly · 10/01/2014 22:54

Well, yes, it's fairly obvious (and sort of understandable) that he needs some space away from the intensity of your home life; but by escapingono work he's actually doubling the pressure on you.
Why is that fair? Am I remembering correctly that even at weekends he won't actually look after all the dc's together, so you never get a complete break?
That is totally unsustainable, for both your physical and mental health.

ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:55

You.might not want to move her, but considering that the nursery isn't even nearby if I remember correctly, I would just get on with moving her. Otherwise the rest of your family could fall apart in the remaining nine months. Quite a few nurseries around here have diabetes trained staff.

ilovemountains · 10/01/2014 22:57

Isn't your DH disabled as well though, and also claims dla? Perhaps he is doing as much as he is physically capable of?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 22:58

He applied but did not get it despite dislocating knees almost daily and being in pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 10/01/2014 23:02

I don't want her away from me all day though, I like spending time with her, soon enough it will be September and he will be at school, for now part time is ok.

Ds2 though, he i think would benefit from nursery and despite having health issues its not on the same level as diabetes.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 10/01/2014 23:05

You not getting help from your DH to take care of his own kids because you're scared he'll leave you is your biggest problem IMO.

And a car that cost £3,360 a year to insure? That's insane. I'm a "young driver" with a large BMW estate and my insurance is little over 1/3 of that. Something isn't adding up there.

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