I can't ever imagine returning to work. And I'm quite happy with that

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

Although I realise that makes me seem quite odd to others

But I actually really like not working and just being able to do whatever I want

Oh sorry guys I didn't realise this was still going.
It just me pondering my thoughts really as I know it's unusual

Suppose it's just me thinking out loud as such

Not trying to say I'm run ragged more I just enjoy being at home

Dh works ft and is happy for me to be at home
I think he probably actually prefers it's although if I did decide to return to work I'm sure he would support me in that too

Suppose I'm quite different to most people I know in rl
A I don't know anyone that word be quite happy never returning to paid work

I guess it depends where you live. Most of the mums at DC's schools either stay home or work part time. Quite a few stay home dads too. THat is primary and high school. So it isn't unusual at all where I live to stay home long term. Many do help in school though.

Surely working less and more time with family is a good thing? If you must be equal in everything then wouldn't it be better for both parents to work part time rather than both work full time? Surely that would be more progress? More time with kids etc? I don't see both parents at work all day and kids in long day childcare as the best thing for everyone.

What we liked most about me being a SAHM is that I did all chores whilst hubby was at work, as a consequence, any time where he's not working is leisure, quality family time. We have time to bond as a family and enjoy each other's company and home for him is relaxing and recharging batteries.

Of course we could have a lot more money and be able to afford holidays every year with me back at work but we are lucky to have enough to live on and instead chose to try to maximise our quality family time every day instead.

morethan yes things get split on divorce, but you can only split what actually exists!

And a part time minimum wage job wouldn't cover most people's pension contributions! Let alone keep them to a decent standard of living.

By all means sing the praises of SAHMs if that's what you want to do, but let's please not encourage women to place themselves in precarious positions on the basis of 'oh well it'll be great. He'll have to goive you the house and then you'll get a job.'

Let's tell women to protect themselves. To put themselves in reasonably safe financial positions. I really can't see why we would be telling anyone to do anything different to that.

You can be equal without having to do exactly the same with your time.

Of course you can Bonsoir.

I'd be very shocked if any coupled did exactly the same things as one another even where both work.

Joysmum that's great that that works for you. I would hate to have to be the one who gets all the domestic drudgery while my husband got to do challenging, interesting rewarding work. Why should I be the one scrubbing toilets and ironing (surely the most thankless task ever) just by virtue of me being female. I know the husband could be the one to sah but that still isn't really culturally acceptable is it and in 9/10 cases it'd the woman. I refuse to believe this is because if a natural preference if women for domestic drudgery, and more because we live in a sexist society where men don't do thus work because it is boring (which,let's face it, it is). I need the stimulation of work.

Oh my giddy aunt, there have been points in my life when I haven't worked and it has never occured to DH or I that I should do all the chores!!!!

Yes, I would agree generally with the point above that far better to have two parents where neither have the huge responsibility of having to earn mega bucks and be sole earner: where things are shared more equally rather than the set up of one working very long hours, perhaps being away from home a lot, and the other not working at all.
Generally. But it's horses for courses and this set up does suit some couples

Anyway, I think this has been in danger of becoming a SAHP/WOHP thread which is not really relevant because the OP was talking about never working again, not stopping work temporarily while caring for very small children. In fact and actually said she enjoys not working so that she can 'whatever she likes when she likes'- which makes it pretty clear she doesn't have the responsibilities of young children. As we all know, looking after children is definitely not doing what you like when you like! It's certainly great fun (at times) and very rewarding but it's not about serving your own needs 24/7. I just think it must be very unusual in this day for couples to have this set up, where one works and the other does as they please. And certainly not something to post in AIBU! I mean, as long as your partner doesn't mind, it's up to the two of you

Loulou, I don't do it because I'm the woman!!! It has nothing to do with sexism. I sah because as a teacher my f/t salary is only 35kpa! As a lawyer for a bank, DH earns roughly 150k. If he has chosen to teach and I had chosen law, he'd be sah and I'd be at work.

Janey, I do hope to return to work at some point but not whilst any of the kids are still at primary school as for us it just isn't practical. But by the time this baby goes to school I'll have been at home for about 15years so quite long term.

I certainly don't think all women should sah. I think feminism us all about choice and of course you also need the financial stability to excerise that choice. Dome sahms would love to work but can't afford too, other women work and would love to give up bug can't afford too. I'm fortunate to have the choice to do what suits our family at the moment.

Oh and of course I do have isas and all that palava in my name although everything else is joint.

And of course, for some couples later ion in life, one working and the other not is them both doing exactly as they please.

Our neighbours are early 60s. Sitting in a house probably worth around 900k. She doesn't work and seems to make the most of her leisure time with clubs and committees etc. He's an architect. Has his own practice. Loves his job and last we spoke (NY) he has no intention of giving up as he thinks he'd be bored silly. So him working and her not very clearly suits them both.

Yes, that's what I said worried, I agree that it may work for some couples but that in this day and age it's relatively unusual. Older couples may not have had the same life chances ... It may be that for the neighbours you know, the wife never had the chance to develop a career in the way her husband did. That's less common now because as many women as men are graduates, and as many (if not more) enter law, medicine, teaching etc

In your own situation, you are talking about it not being financially worth your while working while your children are very small, as I guess you would feel all your earnigs were going on childcare (even though its a joint expense out of your husbands income too) But no doubt in the future you will want to teach again and the fact you earn a fifth or whatever of your husbands salary won't matter because presumably you entered the profession because you have the skills and qualities to do it, and because its a hugely important role in society , indeed more valuable than many higher paying jobs. That was my point earlier. If you really believe in what you do, and gain respect and recognition for your skills, then that's at least as important to many people as the salary. Your situation is vastly different to the OPs

I agree apart from where you presume I don't work because it wouldn't make financial sense. That isn't true. DH would be happy for me to work and pay out more in childcare than I earned to do so if that made me happy. My decision has no financial basis whatsoever. It is simply a practical decision given his hours and how often he is out the country coupled with the fact that teaching can be inflexible. When the younger ones are old enough to get themselves to and from school and things are easier from a practical POV, then I'd love to go back or choose to do something equally rewarding on a voluntary basis.

I am also biased by this because my dad cheated on my mum. She found out when she was 53 and i wasat uni. She took him back. Partly for love but mostlybecause she didn't see how shecould afford to live on her own.

He then continued to cheat on her for another15 years.

I cant imagine a life where I was so unimportant compared to my DH that my career got sidelined and I got to clear up and do the domestic work (lucky me ) because he got paid more.
I earn the same as my DH and we share the domestic stuff equally and when DC were little we shared the childcare.
The poster whos DH doesn't want her to work because he doesn't want to be bothered by domestic stuff .

But 35k Is not to be sniffed at.

And if you had stayed at work you could be a ht earning almost as much as your dh.

Obviously you may not want this. But I just wonder why so often it's the woman's career that's sidelined after kids while the man's takes off.

I haven't been sidelined by DH. We made a joint decision, in which I participated fully and am in full support of. I sah because it makes practical sense to do so as me teaching full time and him practising law full time would leave very little time for quality family stuff. Salary only comes into it because he's the one earning more. If our career choices were reversed, he'd be home and I'd be at work.

I know other people need to work either financially or for themselves but actually I don't feel like that. So why would I make our lives horrendously difficult for no reason? I don't honestly know how other couples do it. How do you pick up babies, preschoolers and primary aged kids at 5.30/6pm, get home, get them all fed, get through all the homework and still give time to them all before starting little ones bedtime routine at 6.30/6.45??? I honestly take my hat off to those who do it because I'm not sure I could and I'd find it incredibly stressful so why do it if I don't need to?

Loulou, as I said it's only the woman's career here because I chose teaching and he chose law. In a couple if months I'll have 4kids. I do not need the money or the stress so why bother? Also, I doubt you'd find many HTs earning anything close to 150k. Also, whilst I enjoyed my job very much, I probably didn't love it nor do I need it as much as DH does his. That's me with that view not him. If I wanted it as much as he did, he'd take something a little less pressured to enable me to do it.

I don't have a problem with others making different choices but I resent the assumption that I've made mine because I'm somehow subservient to my DH or because either of us view my career or my feelings as less valid than his. That simply isn't the case.

Habitually on these threads recurrent is he earned more,made sense woman give up work
No well if he earn more he can proportionately pay more for child care
It's usually always females giving things up,whilst male carry on career unencumbered

SM, of course he could pay for childcare and would if I want him too but both partners working f/t must be very stressful in the mornings and especially in the evenings. I honestly don't know how people fit it all in whilst still spending time with the kids.

Surely it's about choice?

Loulou- it's certainly a reasonable question to ask, though I'm not sure of the answer. I do wonder though whether the transferable parental leave will make a difference, because if dads start taking off, say, the 6-12 month old period as leave (after mum has taken off 0-6months, I would imagine there's more likelihood that subsequently the parents' careers will progress more equally thereafter. It'll be interesting to see how things pan out generally.

Worried- sounds like you and your DH have made decisions which you're both happy with so that's fine. Just to respond to your question about how other parents manage things, I don't think there's any great secret. I think like with most things, imagining it is harder than the reality! I came home after giving birth to dd and thought how on earth will I get dressed before lunchtime never mind get out the front door again! However, after 3 months I was back working 3 days a week. You develop routines and of course having a partner who is fully on board helps too. Not saying that its what everyone should do, but just pointing out that we're probably all wary of whether we can cope with new things before we do them.

And of course everyone's choice will be personal to them. Most people would shudder at having 4kids over a period of 11yrs. But it was right for me/us.

Some women shudder at the thought of giving up work when they have kids, others can't wait. I didn't fall into either of those camps but just decided it as the best option for yes all.

I'm observing the habitual he earns well ,so female gave up work
Two ft working parents,it's achievable.planning and adequate childcare
I think housewives when not working stretch the tasks to fit the time.doesn't need an adult not working to manage a home,esp not if kids nursery,or school

Yes, I'm sure I would manage but I sort of think, why bother if I don't need to? I too thought that after DC1. It took me about half an hour to do his car seat up. Now I can get all 3 including a stroppy toddler up and out efficiently. It's just that small evening window I'd worry about if I went back to work. BF a newborn, running after a toddler, helping with homework, piano, beavers, cubs rugby, gymnastics oh and feeding them all and trying to have at least10minutes with each of the older 2. I just think I'd be seriously stressed. So maybe I'm taking the easy option!?!