Scalded son, mother punishing grandparent, is this reasonable?

[vr6lee]

My mother had an accident with my son, to cut a long story short the kettle ended up being pulled from the worktop by my son while in her arms, this ended up scalding the bottom of his leg and top of his foot ending in a skin graft.
My mother is devastated and has really struggled with whats happened. But my girlfriend is not helping at all. She has said she doesn't want her near my son again and will never look after him again. I have talked her round and my mun has been able to see my son a few times. There is tension between my girlfriend and my mother now so I have offered to take my son up to my mothers so she can see him as she really does love him to bits. But my girlfriend has poo poo'ed this and says the only way she is seeing him is at our house when she is present.
I think this is undermining me as a father as I have said I would be present at all times just to ease her mind, but I can now only come to one conclusion and that she is doing this to punish my mother by making it as difficult as possible for her to see her grandson.

My question to other mothers is do you think this is fair behavior or is she being very harsh.

Thanks in advance for any opinions.

Lee

Wow 3 posts from the OP and so many people have a complete insight into the whole of his character!
Ever thought that he might be the one trying to hold everything together and concentrating on the practical day to day stuff. He might be a mummies boy, he might hate his girlfriend or he might worship her! He might be a twat or be a really nice bloke, we don't know enough about him to make that decision!

OP not wining any friends with his prim-evil ape comments !!

I don't think we are being hard-faced. I think we are all soft and squishy and empathising with a mother who has a badly-burned child who is still a littlie. what SilverApples said.

Someone earlier was all sanctimonious (see I can use that word too) about Altikinum and "what if she saw this judgmental thread?" Well, I remember Altikinum's posts too. I remember her posting in shock when her MIL refused to listen about how to do the burn care- (the woman put sudocrem on and put back Altikinum's son's recovery). More importantly, I remember Altikinum's ex-friends in real life pressuring her to come to a bonfire and telling her she and her son's should have got over the trauma.

I remember MNers telling her that she and her family were allowed to be scared of fire less than a year later. (Or could have been a year). And those MNers were right. And this little boy was hurt ten weeks later.

Fucking good thing she isn't on this thread yet, to be honest.

*Ten weeks ago.

Also, cannot spell Alt's nickname.

Quote ??AGAIN:'UK an adult can choke on a sweet. What's your point?'

That I didn't give my 18 month old sweets since they were a choke hazard so would not have appreciated other relatives choosing to do so. OP's GF has been faced with MIL giving 18 month old sweets against her wishes which may have been more safety ones not dietary ones.

On picking baby up I am with MIL as I never let mine cry and didn't really care about routines, just liked to avoid the sort of hazards outlined in that RED BOOK the NHS used to give out such as hot drinks/kettles/glass tables/small objects/sweets etc./do not leave alone around water etc./traffic etc

If the MIL is babysitting alone, it is unreasonable to say she cannot comfort her grandchild by picking him up but not unreasonable to say do not give him sweets, he could choke on them and if he did, it is the mother who would be childless and devastated.

You asked for people's opinions on the situation OP. Are you not a part of the situation? It's a shame but I really don't think you would have minded people flaming your girlfriend infact I think you wanted people too and yet you don't like you and your mum coming under fire (I'm not saying it was fair, I actually don't think alot of the comment were)

You ask for opinions on a forum like this then I'm afraid you need to take the good with the bad. Some of the posts weren't very nice but your retaliation makes you look childish and like you only want to hear your girlfriend is wrong and you and your Mum are right.

I have said I wouldn't have handled it the way your girlfriend has but she is your partner not your Mum and she has offered an alternative of your Mum going to your house. She probably would have eased up over time but the more you post the more I think that you won't accept any alternative.

See she just quotes but doesn't answer what I say back.

Or quote others that commented on her chocking on a sweet comment.

He is OPs son too Jessie. He still is even if you don't agree with the way he is going about things.

UK If read what OP said it was custard she gave the child

Again OP I agree with you.
Pages and pages of hand wringing and sanctimonious postulating from model parents who have never ever put a foot wrong.
Of course, it's easy to be perfect on the internet.

I for one know that rl doesn't operate quite the same way though, and I hope your gf calms down soon. I sympathise with her of course, but the way she is now trying to go about controlling everyone is wrong.
All the best.

UK you're not making any sense, just quoting bits of SP's posts back at her with no context at all.

Something or even replying to my responses. Its strange indeed

While DS was a toddler he was badly injured while in the care of GPs in a totally preventable accident involving a 25 feet slide.
I was utterly devastated, ranted at the sheer stupidity of GPs and blasted DH with demands of shunning them forever. I was very upset indeed.
However, once the shock was over I began to think about how much they love DS. How guilty and devastated they were. How with the best will in the world shit happens and I slowly got over it.
I won't lie and pretend it was easy to trust them again, it wasn't, but I felt I had to take the long view.
Nothing like that has ever happened again (DS is 17 now).
I'm glad I didn't cut them out of DS life over their rank stupidity.
However, DH was on board with me, always put the kids and I first ( yes, we had the sweets thing too) was definitely team Scarlett.
I think that may be why DP is being so rigid. She felt undermined anyway and now this. You need to put her first, make her feel confident of your support, back her up over food, etc.
Maybe then she will be ready to hear about your mothers needs.

Yes it sounds like an accident, and I'm sure the GM is very sorry, and probably it is unfair that she isn't able to see the baby as she'd like.

However, the point isn't whether your GF is right or wrong, this is genuinely how she feels and you are siding with your parents rather than her.

This is the quickest way to split up a relationship that I know of.

I haven't had time to read the full thread but for what it's worth. . .

One afternoon 15 years ago when I was in a rush I sat ds1 who was about 2 at the time on the surface in the kitchen. I noticed he was near the kettle and I said something like, don't touch that or you'll get burnt and we'll have to go to the hospital. I didn't think he'd touch it. I was in a rush. But he tried to lift the kettle. The bottom of his leg and foot were scalded badly enough for me to take him to A&E. He had to have his leg dressed at the local clinic for a few weeks. It was awful. It was my mistake. It was an accident.

In this situation I wouldn't stop my DS or (DD in my situation as I have a little girl) from going to my partners parents.
However I would want my partner to be there too to supervise as I'd trust that he'd keep a close eye on her and protect her from any harm.
Within a year or so I imagine I would probably be calm enough to let the GPs have DD on their own if there was no further incidents.
However it would be very important that my partner was attentive to my daughter. If he just lounged about and let things slide, I'd be less inclined to go with this idea.

I'm pretty easy going but a scalding that results in hospital is pretty horrible and not to be taken lightly.
I hope in time things can improve for everyone involved.

Your GF lying isn't on in anyone's book but is a bit of a different issue here.

It's weird the threads which ignite and seem to send so many people a bit mental (and bring out all the keyboard warriors!). I do reckon it happens most with posts started by men though, presumably as a far greater proportion of people immediately identify with their partner and so are more likely to take a contrary view just on principle.

The OP seems ready to move on but presumably he wasn't as badly affected by the incident - probably due to him having a penis and thus being cold and uncaring.

Accidents happen. The MIL is probably devastated.

How sad for everyone. :(

"I think my son would be perfectly safe with her". Quote from OP 's last post.

That's the problem, OP. Your opinion is the most important, right? And your mum's feelings are more important than your partner's? Your GF must feel totally unsupported & undermined by both of you.

I think it really does depend on how your mum is generally WRT safety.
My DS got burned while in the care of my MIL and my DH. I was furious with both of them because I had warned them that the iron was still hot and not to take him into the kitchen. I only nipped to the loo and came back to find that she had carried him through to "look out of the window" - exactly where the iron was sitting -up high, flex tucked away, and he had put his hand on it.

But - my MIL was a complete menace, and this incident was one of many, some potentially life threatening. DH couldn't see how dangerous she was - simply because she was his mum.

If your mum is normally careful and sensible, then eventually trust can be rebuilt.

Why does her opinion totally trump his, can anyone explain this to me!

Accidents happen, your poor mum will probably never really get over this. I can understand your girlfriends hurt but your mother never intended this to happen.

I hope she finds a way to re-build the relationship with your mum. I do everything i can to keep my boys safe, as do we all but sometimes accidents happen. None of us are perfect.

Yeah, sure, Bluegrass. We women are incapable of taking both sides into account then making a judgment call. We automatically side with women because we all have vaginas.

'TIS A CUNTSPIRACY!

LittleThorin wasn't suggesting the little boy was the son of God and the second coming.

If my husband was terrified of my father having charge of our children after my father had had an accident with a kettle, would the fact that they're my children too make an ounce of difference to my husband's fear?

Would he go "oh you're right, they're only 50% mine, so I'll reduce the intensity of my emotions by 50%. Thanks for pointing that out to me?" Or would he feel betrayed that I didn't care that he was scared, and prioritised my father's feelings over his?

Have asked and it's the second. And no, he's not controlling.

LittleThorin I think the OPs girlfriend has reacted strongly but she isn't banishing his Mum out of DCs life. She has said she can see her GC in her home when she is there. I think this is a fair for the time being.

Why does it have to be at his Mum's house? Why is she not aloud to be there?