to think I really am a fecking eejit who should have her mouth taped shut?

[MsVestibule]

My DS's lovely young teacher is 30 weeks pregnant with her first baby. I had a quick chat with her yesterday in the playground, asked her how everything was going.

Now, with my first pregnancy, I was utterly convinced that I would miscarry but started to feel better when I approached the 3rd trimester. I erroneously think that every other new mum-to-be must feel the same. So I said to her "You must feel more comfortable now you're so far along?". She (rationally) assumed I meant physically comfortable so replied "Actually no, I'm trying to get used to the extra bulk and the heartburn is awful!".

Instead of just accepting that, like any sane person would have I explained what I'd actually meant. So basically, I told a heavily pregnant woman that she wasn't out of the woods yet, something could still go wrong .

I am that horribly tactless woman that people complain about on MN. Where's that packing tape...?

You were massively out of order. How can you go around saying things like that. I would be fuming! I hope you apologized over and over again.

Thanks Coffee, I feel much better now. And there I was thinking what I'd said was perfectly OK.

You meant well, so I am sure that is how she took it, but I was always amazed how everyone seems to give buckets of unsolicited advice/reassurances/et to me when I was pregnant.

YANBU to think you should tape you mouth shut

Stupid thing to say but you won't make that mistake again. It's done now, forget it.

Today, just apologise. Explain you were paranoid when you were pregnant. Be friendly and apologetic and all will be well.

I think CoffeeTea103 is focusing on the fact this woman will probably have dwelt on what you said all night.

Just reassure the teacher that your words were utterly unfounded and that of course she will be fine.

It's just that when you are pg, you are subject to so many comments (and it goes on) and for some reason, you remember them far more than if you weren't pg.

It'll be okay. Just talk to her again.

there's something about pregnant women though - I find myself spouting utterly pointless/annoying stuff to pregnant women. There's no need - they don't need my advice/stories about horrendous labours, emergency c-sections etc.etc. I think it's latent PTSD in any woman who has had a baby - you see someone else going through the same thing and have to say something. Don't worry -she'll be doing the same thing in a few years time to someone else...

You have to make sure you look extra sane in the playground from now on. She will have you marked as a proper nutter

Oh, please don't go back to that subject!! Just forget it!

passes the tape.

Yanbu, but I have done similar. Like Dotty says it is almost impossible NOT to run off at the mouth around pg women.

I would have a chat and explain where you were coming from. Only if you can trust yourself not to make it worse though! [Wink]

Don't beat yourself up.

You made a mistake and were not malicious.

With my personal experience, I don't expect all pregnancies to end well or all children to definitely live beyond a few years old.

I have to make a concious effort to remain upbeat and positive when people announce "good news" to not alarm mothers to be/couples.

I've been going over the conversation on my mind like the nutter I clearly am and I just don't know if what I actually said was too bad or not. I do remember saying that I was like that during my first pregnancy, so hopefully she knows I was just projecting .

At the end of the conversation, she did say "Thanks for asking" (in a non-sarcastic way) but of course that could just be because she is so nice.

When my friend was pregnant she asked what labour was like. Instead of explaining in general I told her about my own experience which was terrifying and about having my son resuscitated!

She was terrified!

It wasn't til after that I thought why the fuck did I tell her that?!

I had the same thing with another school mum last week.

I'm 28 weeks and she started harping on about how two people she knew had still births and wasn't I worried.

Luckily, this is my 2nd, ds was born with complications so yes, I know and I won't take anything for granted until the day this baby is safe at home.

Some people are just like that.

That's the trouble, Lizzy! Unless I read from a script, preferably prepared by somebody else, I can pretty much guarantee I'll make it worse and will look like Hugh Grant in a Richard Curtis film trying to excricate himself out of an awkward situation. Only it won't be funny.

You shouldn't have said that

Oh God, Loopy, I don't think I was quite as bad as that! Hopefully...

Ball gag

I think you're reading too much into it.

When I was up the duff I had lots of advice and stories thrown at me too, but I just switched off for most of them. I remember one 'friend' telling me about how someone giving birth also suffered a prolapsed uterus even though she knew I was terrified of giving birth. I realise she was probably just babbling.

I have put my foot in it so many times and trust me, my foot-in-mouth episodes have been so much worse than yours. In fact most people now realise that I can say inappropriate things so they usually steer me away from trouble. My problem is that I try to be friendly and end up overdoing it.

Don't mention it again to her. You apologised already and explained that you were relating your own experiences to her. She'll get it, honestly. Only you are now going over and over what you said.

She will have understood. We've all been there and done that you see; it takes a twat not to forgive the occasional blabbermouth.

As a 34 weeks pg teacher myself, I'd recommend damage control... I've been subject to so many unhelpful and downright tactless comments from parents over the past few months, it's got beyond a joke! You'll be the talk of the staffroom.

Eeek - not great tbh, but at least it was coming from a fuchwitty place and not a malicious one so hopefully she picked up on that.

Am awaiting MN thread of poor teacher who cannot BELIEVE what one of the mums in the playground said to her today and WSBU telling to not offer unsolicited advice/provide her with mouth tape

Oh come on!

The OP made it clear to the teacher that she was talking from her own experience.

Who hasn't made a fool of themselves at some point? Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone and all of that.

If she's a nice person she'll be fine about it.

MsVestibule Don't feel bad, you weren't too bad...

When I was pregnant with ds1 (my dd had been born with Down Syndrome 4 years prior), a work colleague asked me if I was worried about Downs.

I said, I wasn't (I was), because it's extremely rare for 2 children in one family to have Downs.

"Oh No" she replied breezily, "It's actually quite common, I know two families, in fact I believe the odds increase if you already have a child with Downs"

We were sitting at the lunch table and other colleagues were horrified and tried to shut her up, but she kept going.

Would. Not. Shut. Up.

The more she was told this was bollocks the more she insisted she was right. It was only when a colleague finally said "Stop talking now P." She quit.

She was most surprised to find she'd upset me.

Oh dear

please do not talk to this women again ever ! you poor thing sometimes we blurt stuff out and dont mean it, put it down to your big gob and dont think anything else of it you have said sorry to her and now leave it,