Feeling upset about how the bar man spoke to us.

[crazygal]

Hi...
We decided to go out yesterday after having all Xmas in,our local pub/restaurant is just two mins walk over the road,
We booked a table and had a lovely meal,myself,dh and ds (9) also hfa...

After our meal,we took ourselves to the sofa were our friends were sitting,there boys were playing on there iPods,so our ds joined in,
The boys were good as gold,
But one of the boys started complaining that he lost his games,his mum took his iPod off him and told him to calm down,so her ds ran down the restaurant and outside,leaving the door open,
She sat there....
My ds got up and said,"I'll get him" I said no,leave it,but he didn't listen,and he ran out to him,I followed straight away and ordered him back in,
He ran back to the seat!
I spoke to my friends boy and calmed him and got him back in,he also ran,he's 8.
The little boys asked his mum for the iPod,she said no again..he ran down the restaurant agin! My ds got up and ran after him!!
I got up again and ordered the boys back in and asked them to walk nicely....
They didn't!
The bar man then came to me and said if your boy doesn't sit down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Well...I wasn't very happy,
I said I'm clearly trying to get hi to sit down,we are regulars here and he's never stepped out of line!
He said nothing to the other mum.
The bar man repeated to me,like I said,if he doesn't behave you have to leave,I went over to the manager,with the bar man,I was pretty heeded off,I said I always keep check on my son in here,he's never allowed to run around and I got up each time (3times) and asked the boys to sit down,what more can I do?
He wasn't actually doing anything wrong!!
Besides,the loo is down there too...

The manager understood and (she's a personal friend) said I know your good parents,but you mate is not!
I pointed out we have been there for two hrs and he got off his seat 3 times!
To follow his friend....she understood and was lovely,
But he butted in at that point and said,if he doesn't stay seated then you have to leave....
I said we live in a small community full of family's,your restaurant has a sign welcoming children and was awarded5 stars for family pub!
I'm not sitting down getting pissed and letting him run around.
I got up each time....I'm doing my job being a parent why don't you do yours! He said I am and he has to sit down...
I told him he needs to work else where were kids are not welcome if he can't cope with a child getting up and down,

I walked off and a guy having a drink Interrupted me and said,he is only doing his job!
Omg I felt so angry and upset,we know the bar man,he joined us for my birthday meal,we don't socialise with him,but he's been in our company with others before...
I asked my friends who where there after,was I out of order,they said,we don't want to get involved...which upset me...
My hubby says I wasn't,he said he had not need to come over and tell me as I was clearly getting him to sit down,
In front of everyone to...
I don't know...we normally go there once a week for food but I'm feeling embarrassed now...

My friend was drunk,but not silly,she does let her ds run,I don't judge her for that,but wish I'd had some support of people...

Sorry for the long post...you half of it was getting it off my chest!

[SantanaLopez]

Aw, good on you OP. Why not pop in tomorrow with a box of chocolates and say you were stressed with Christmas/ NY and so on? They'd understand.

[Motherinlawsdung]

OP I don't know why you are getting so much criticism when you have accepted that the kids shouldn't have been running about. Your friend was not a good friend on this occasion. It was HER son who started it, and you tried to get matters under control while she did nothing.
Have one of these

[crazygal]

Thank you bowler and santan...that is something I will do of course...I'll say sorry when I an wrong,that's why I've asked on here....and I clearly was...hands up...

[QuintessentialShadows]

and Good on you.

[crazygal]

Thank you mother...my friend did ring and apologise. Which was fine,
I was controlling her boy and mine. We left,she didn't.

[Wolfiefan]

You were controlling the kids? EXCEPT you weren't. They ran about on more than one occasion before you left.
You ACCEPT you were wrong? Why did you have to come on here to be told that. You should have left as soon as the kids acted up (and apologised on the way out.)

[GlitzAndGiggles]

Me and oh were in a restaurant Friday night and it was really busy and tables were pretty cramped. There were 2 young boys probably aged about 2 and 5 running around for about half an hour. One of the waitresses told them to sit down and they did but as soon as she was out of sight they were up again. The parents were doing fuck all to control them and gave the smaller one an iphone to play with. Anyway more running around and the smaller one ran straight into a waiter who was carrying a tray of tea. Luckily it didn't spill on him! The barman wasn't BU it's not safe for kids to shoot up and down restaurants

[magesticmallow]

No don't do or say anymore about it, chocolates??? Seriously??? No enough has been made of it already, the evil eye and a stern word to your ds before you go back next time and forget about it. You've already made too much out of it don't make the mountain bigger but don't be stressing yourself over it either op

[scarletforya]

FutTheShuckUp

Op said her ds was had in the OP. She's not drip feeding.

[crazygal]

Well girls...I'm off to bed...thank you for your input...some of it hard to read,but hey,I except that,I did ask,
It was obviously bothering me for a reason.
I will go in and make peace as we like it in there.
Night all x

[Juno77]

ACCEPT

[Floggingmolly]

He's never allowed to run around. But he did; three times!

[FrankAndFurt]

FairPlay CrazyGal for conceding that you were being unreasonable. Nobodies perfect. . Next time you go to the pub you could have a pre-visit chat with your DS about how to behave and, if you go sooner rather than later, you could suggest he apologises to the barman. Obviously, this very much depends on your sons personality - it may be too difficult for him, however, it may be the type of thing that would be beneficial to him.

[UncleT]

ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT! You ask others what they're not getting or reading, but fail to heed about fifty very basic corrections of the same word!

Anyway, you were being unreasonable, but you know that now so good on you for taking it. Bottom - no kids running around restaurants.

[UncleT]

Bottom line*

[Tinkertaylor1]

YABU its not a play ground or a kids play session, they shouldn't be chasing each other.

If one of the children had been scolded with a hot drink or knocks drinks over it could have been a serious matter.

Your ds shouldn't have been running of when you told him not too.

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

Well. I expect you're in bed now, but to some extent YANBU because the barman a) knew your DS was HFA and seemed to be singling him out and b) because he didn't talk to your friend, whose DS was in fact the instigator of the running.

Your friend, btw, needs someone to have a word with her, letting her DS run up and down restaurants and out into the street without her doing a single thing to stop it!!

But yes, the barman was mostly doing his job - he would have done it FAR BETTER if he had also spoken to your friend and I imagine it wouldn't have left such a bad taste in your mouth if he'd been FAIR about it, but from what you've said, he wasn't, he was singling out YOUR DS.

In the end though, he was right - you were trying but failing to get your DS to stay seated, and under those circumstances, you needed to either get him back under control or leave as he suggested.

[Birdsgottafly]

"I was controlling her boy and mine. We left,she didn't."

I think the problem came from ordering the boy inside, the first time, the OP should of just handled her own son, then the other Mother could of taken the rap for her son being outside.

He was throwing a tantrum and should of been left.

I wonder how loud the OP was in "ordering him back in".

Whilst I understand that sometimes it's difficult to keep out of it, I have learned that these situations happen, were the wrong parent (the one trying to be responsible) is the one that is looked to as being fully and only responsible and blamed.

OP you should of just took your DS in the first time and kept him sat down, as you took responsibility, the barman had to keep repeating himself because you kept challenging him.

I have learned over the years to not try to manage children that are not with me, though.

[Thornita17]

Please bare in mind if your/her DS had fallen and hurt themselves, the pub would have been very likely liable.

I used to work in Greggs (not quite the same I know!!) and we even had a sign up and a lady still let her little boy hang off tables/run up and down ect.
He knocked an elderly lady who got upset and I asked the mother to kindly control her child for his safety. She called me up on it, demanded my manager for her boy to then slip backwards off the rail he was hanging to and flew backwards into a chair. His head was... Cut to say in the least.
She still had a go saying I should have said sooner, and our signs should be clearer. I got myself a disciplinary for it.
Fair? No.
But that's how it is, they need to save their own backs and follow guidelines i'm afraid. Your boy/friends boy should have really listened and walked in like good little boys. Though I do understand too.

[Joysmum]

How many more times....

The OP has said in lots of posts that excepts accepts she was wrong and will be going back to apologise.

How nice to get an AIBU where the OP realises and accepts she is. Fair play OP

[LiberalLibertine]

So your friend was drunk and she stayed in the restaurant with her ds? Was she in sole charge of him? Bit irresponsible isn't it?

[Peekingduck]

FFS people! Op has gracefully accepted that they were in the wrong.

[LiberalLibertine]

I think the friend sounds a PITA

[mrsjay]

Yabu they were running around the boy took a strop and ran off your son was in and out like a yo yo family friendly pubs doesnt mean kids can wander about your friend should have sorted her son instead of sittingon the comfy sofa tbh