...to want MIL to stop moaning about books?

[jammygem]

I know this is nothing compared to most problems people have with their MILs!

As part of my job (academia) I use lots of books, and we have set aside the spare room as a sort of 'study' so I can carry on working at home, and to store my books/articles. [Side note: I've always wanted my own mini library, so this is a dream come true for me!] Admittedly there are a lot, but I read them both for academic work and for my own pleasure, and have often caught DP reading them too!

Whenever MIL visits she makes snide comments about the amount of books I own and about the validity and usefulness of my subject. She also makes comments on DP not having his 'own room', as she calls it.

My subject was one of the first things my DP and I bonded over when we first got together, and he has always retained an interest in my work throughout my relationship. Whilst he may not have his 'own room', he does love starting DIY projects which never get finished. Neither I nor MIL comment on or get annoyed about the various half-finished DIY projects scattered around the place, nor would I ever want to complain about it.

AIBU to think MIL has not right to criticise how many books I own and what I use them for? I've often held my tongue for the sake of our relationship, as we get on fairly well besides this, but the constant criticisms during her visits are getting harder and harder to ignore.

[NigellasDealer]

I conclude it's English philistinism...?
definitely a streak of anti - intellectualism in English culture

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Oh yes what cakes said. Can you get a sign for the door saying "red room" or whatever it was in 50 shades of shit?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Well, I wouldn't be calling it a 'sort of study'. It is a study. You work there.

I am a giant hypocrite because DH has his own room and I work on the kitchen table, but can you drop in plenty of 'oh well, MIL, it pays the bills' comments so that she possibly twigs that this is actually your room where you work?

[SueDoku]

I once asked my late MIL to buy me a specific book for Christmas; she was confused, and asked why I wanted another book, when we already had so many......
She was lovely in such a lot of ways, but books just weren't her thing...

[JollySantersSelectionBox]

Next time she comments on your room, tell her that DH will take her down to the cellar/dungeon and show her his complete works - from Edwardian porn to a full collection of 1970's Razzle, and a rare collection of vintage chastity belts.

That'll do it.

[scripsi]

I'd be putting a lock on the door and letting her imagination run riot as to what might be in there.

[KeatsiePie]

I take back my answer, tell her what MrsCakes said!

DrCoconut we have six of these folding mission-style and they've held up very well. We stack them, so in effect we have three tall cases. They are pretty inexpensive - www.hayneedle.com/product/3tierfoldingbookcasenatural.cfm.

I am a bit tired of them though, so didn't want to buy any more, and can't believe how expensive bookcases are, so most recently we put sets up on the walls that we made ourselves -- just a good set of shelf brackets, those vertical painted metal things that you lock the shelf brackets into, some nice wood cut to whatever length, and there you are. You can put a piece of wood on at either end to hold books upright, ends out of wood, but we put ubolts at either end, which look sort of like this - www.doughty-engineering.co.uk/cgi-bin/trolleyed_public.cgi?action=showprod_T30200. The effect is really nice.

[FryOneFatManic]

I agree, MrsCakes idea has really made me smile. If you said this OP I would love to be a fly on the wall and see your MIL's face

[FixItUpChappie]

The room could be for crystal balls and candy canes....still wouldn't make it anyone's business but yours.

[ComposHat]

My parents are curious in that they read, but utterly indiscriminately, literally anything with printed words on and seem to take no obvious pleasure in. Their taste in books seem to be determined by what is on the recent returns shelf at the library or can be downloaded onto a Kindle for free via hooky file sharing sites. They seem to have no real memory of what happened in the book they've just finished, before ploughing onto the next.

They find it odd that I would have a preference for one book over another or would want to read the works of one author. My accumulation of books is a constant source of comment and bemusement them. I think they own about ten books which are stored out of sight in a wardrobe

I find their reverence for the act of reading, yet distain for actual books bizarre.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

Can she read?

Often older people didn't have as much education as we all seem to have been able to afford.

Some people find books threatening, and are very uneasy at the thoughts of so many of them they haven't read. They feel intimidated.

She probably of the generation (wide generalisations) who believe the woman should defer to the man, and he's more important than she is- hence her question- where's his room!!

You should start giving her books to read OP seeing as she's so interested in them. Either she'll refuse, and not mention them again, or she'll read them, and have something better to do with her time than criticise you!

[FryOneFatManic]

Venus Op says her MIL has a university education and also reads a lot.

[winkywinkola]

My mil comments in the number of books we have too. Children's books.

I tell her I judge people's intelligence on how many books they've read and have. She's got barely any.

[manchestermummy]

I am a librarian .

Your MIL sounds odd. Clearly her little boy needs his own playroom and maybe she's worried tha your little job might mean he has to make his own cup of tea from time to time.

My FIL is a bit like this. I am a "waste of time" apparently and when DH showed him a chapter in a book that I had written and was very surprised to see that I had written it "after I married".

[3bunnies]

You could tell her that when you come into some inheritance it is earmarked for a workshop for dh! [evil emoticon]

Probably a battle for dh to have with his mother though. If he's happy with the arrangement then I wouldn't worry.

[NoComet]

My uncle is a economic historian, he built an extension over his garage so they had a second spare bedroom to line with book cases. He already had the third bedroom in the original house as a book lined study.

I'm told he had an office at the university with lots more books too.

And every-time he came to stay we went to Hay on Wye, which, as everyone knows, is famous for - second hand book shops!

[QuintessentialShadows]

she makes snide comments about the amount of books I own and about the validity and usefulness of my subject.

Personally I would not mind her comments about the books as much as her criticism of your subject.

She is not just insulting you but your discipline/field.

How patronising. Does she belittle you in other ways?

You say her dd is a nurse. What does mil do for a living?

[flipchart]

jammygem. According to ninjaBunnyat 18.40pm Argos are cheap shite!

[coffeecups]

I wonder if it just makes her feel inadequate and less intelligent than you. So she says things about it to cover what she sees as her lower intelligence.

[SlimJiminy]

I dream of having my own library. She's either stupid or jealous.

[jammygem]

Thanks again for all your input.

QuintessentialShadows She's in the same line of work as her DD and I get the impression she shares a similar view, even if she doesn't say it explicitly like her DD does.
I'm actually fairly used to people pointing out the uselessness of my area, and even I'll admit that it's not exactly the most valuable subject. I specialise mainly in Latin poetry. But I enjoy it, DP has no problem, and as far as I'm concerned that's all that matters...

[echt]

Well in that case, OP, could you not compose some witty Latin epigram to put her in her place?

How would that MN classic: fuck off to the far side side, etc. be rendered in Latin? :o

[traininthedistance]

YANBU OP - also an academic here, have been going through a hard time financially in the last couple of years and a few times I have had my parents visiting and they have made snide comments like "You'd have more money if you didn't buy so many books." What, the books, some of which were bought more than ten or fifteen years ago as an undergraduate with generous book grants, some of which were bought secondhand for pennies, some of which were bought for £1 each when a local remaindered academic bookshop closed down, some of which are work books bought with some (meagre) research grant expenses money - and all of which in any case are FOR MY JOB, and without which I can't do my work? Grrrrrr! No-one would complain that a plumber bought too many tools!

My parents above all should know what my job is, but they still persist in acting like I'm an eternal undergraduate with all the "holidays" off. Gives me the rage!

[LouiseAderyn]

I think your dp should tackle this - she is, after all, his problem mother.

He should tell her that this is your work and your hobby and most importantly your house, that she is pissing you off and needs to stop now.