...to want MIL to stop moaning about books?

[jammygem]

I know this is nothing compared to most problems people have with their MILs!

As part of my job (academia) I use lots of books, and we have set aside the spare room as a sort of 'study' so I can carry on working at home, and to store my books/articles. [Side note: I've always wanted my own mini library, so this is a dream come true for me!] Admittedly there are a lot, but I read them both for academic work and for my own pleasure, and have often caught DP reading them too!

Whenever MIL visits she makes snide comments about the amount of books I own and about the validity and usefulness of my subject. She also makes comments on DP not having his 'own room', as she calls it.

My subject was one of the first things my DP and I bonded over when we first got together, and he has always retained an interest in my work throughout my relationship. Whilst he may not have his 'own room', he does love starting DIY projects which never get finished. Neither I nor MIL comment on or get annoyed about the various half-finished DIY projects scattered around the place, nor would I ever want to complain about it.

AIBU to think MIL has not right to criticise how many books I own and what I use them for? I've often held my tongue for the sake of our relationship, as we get on fairly well besides this, but the constant criticisms during her visits are getting harder and harder to ignore.

[FuckingWankwings]

'constantly comments on how my work doesn't actually help anyone, unlike hers.'

I wouldn't have either them round if they think it's OK to be so persistently insulting and rude. Stop inviting them/letting them come round, and when one of them mentions it say 'I don't appreciate people coming to my house and making rude comments about it and about me and my job.' Full stop.

[struggling100]

She is being very rude and very unreasonable. I suspect your qualifications and erudition make her feel very inadequate, and possibly also that you're confounding some gender assumptions that she holds. But that's very much her problem not yours. Maybe next time she visits you could say 'I've noticed that you comment on that a lot. Why is that?' and see what comes out...

[Pitmountainpony]

Honestly, the old folk don't know when to but out. My parents stayed with us and my mum kept going in about how much stuff we had...my dh is a bit of a collector of all things mid century and yes we have more art works and lamps than anyone I know, but we are mostly fine with it.
She actually said my children would be affected by being raised in such a messy house cluttered with stuff......and my dad mocks my books too as they are about esoteric wank according to him. Agree. Sigh. Offer a cup of tea and a biscuit. So tedious. Overbearing and so keen to let their beliefs be known.

[noddingoff]

Righto, OP, that's your MIL's birthday present sorted out for this year...a copy of Virginia Woolf's "A Room Of One's Own". Feel free to follow up every Christmas and birthday with a variety of feminist tracts and publications by female academics.

[zipzap]

If it was a one off comment you'd probably just have to think bah humbug philistine and leave it at that.

If it is a repeated insult topic of conversation every time she visits then I would go in with a passive aggressive attack back - or even better, get dh to. Along the lines of 'how can you live without books? You used to be an educated woman... And there's only a few that hear the higher calling of Latin poetry - of course we need plenty of nurses but the world would be a lot poorer without justa few of us to keep the classics alive' (obviously needs to be a bit now eloquent than that!)

Obviously I wouldn't say this under normal circumstances but if your mil is being continually rude then she needs to be able to take a bit of what she is more than happy to dish out!

[whatsonyourplate]

Wow norks just looked at your profile picture. Is that your house? It looks amazing!

[whatsonyourplate]

norks love 'colourbetical' I did that with our DVDs, looked ace (all messed up now though).
One of my earliest memories is going along my grandpa's bookshelf pushing all the books in which he had carefully lined up at the front of the shelf.

[QuintessentialShadows]

I also agree that Billy is perfect for books. It is shallow, but not so shallow that A4 wont fit! They are wonderful space saving shelves, and if you need to keep your Loebs dust free, you can add some glass doors..... Mine were mostly green, I suspects yours will be red....

[QuintessentialShadows]

jammy. You get no argument from me over the usefulnes of latin poetry.

MA Classics, at your service! My phd would have been on Sextus Empiricus.... Had I managed to go back after a "small break" to work and learn German....

[wearymum200]

Agree with poster above who recommends Ikea Billy. Expedit great for children's large format picture books but poor for adult books. Billy v flexible.
Ikea hemnes has fewer sizes but nicer looking than Billy. I am the proud possessor of a study (currently empty, waiting for me to buy and assemble lots of Billies so I can unpack the bgazillion boxes of books which have been gazing at me since we moved). Can't wait. But I still get the "you have too many books" from my mother. She's wrong. I can't have too many books.

[breatheslowly]

We have IKEA Billy and DH has put some together with the corner brackets you can buy and a IKEA Benno CD tower to make a corner unit. We only have 7 Billy bookcases (plus a few random ones). Perhaps my FIL is right that we don't have enough books.

[MrsCharlesBrandon]

I have plans for a wall of bookcases in our new extension. Thankfully all the parents are great readers and will approve heartily! :o

They haven't seen the high shelf that goes round our bedroom ceiling yet...

40ft of paperbacks and counting in there!

[NorksAreMessy]

Ooh, booooooks

Ours are in colourbetical order, so every search is a voyage of re-discovery. Or, more usually, someone yelling to DD "What colour is 'Our Man In Havana'?"
Lots of friends suck their teeth and DO NOT APPROVE of the quantity or the filing. We do not care one tiny jot :)

See profile for picture.

And OP, the solution to your MIL is nod and smile and mutter something in Latin under your breath

[PinkandGreenStripes]

I put up shelves in my study to accommodate my books. I used upright steel slotted strips, brackets and floorboards for shelves. Using this system, I could put my large reference books (heaviest) on the bottom shelf and my lightest paperbacks on the top shelf. My wall holds approx 1000 books. Total cost approx £50.

[traininthedistance]

Sniffandmoomintroll I know! I miss that bookshop though :(

[NinjaBunny]

We have 17 Billys.

If you buy two extra shelves for each bookcase you have plenty of space for paperbacks. The spacing is just the right height.

I also use them for DVDs, which I've mentioned people moan about in my home where it's none of their business.

[yetanotherstatistic]

Vote for Ikea Billy as you can buy extra shelves to maximise storage. Most bookshelves seem to cope with a largely hardback collection but if you have lots of paperbacks there will be loads of wasted space.

OP YADNBU. My exMIL doesn't have a single book in the house and cannot comprehend why you would read one let alone keep it. She is a Daily Fail reader so well versed in reading fiction you would think

[LouiseAderyn]

I think your dp should tackle this - she is, after all, his problem mother.

He should tell her that this is your work and your hobby and most importantly your house, that she is pissing you off and needs to stop now.

[traininthedistance]

YANBU OP - also an academic here, have been going through a hard time financially in the last couple of years and a few times I have had my parents visiting and they have made snide comments like "You'd have more money if you didn't buy so many books." What, the books, some of which were bought more than ten or fifteen years ago as an undergraduate with generous book grants, some of which were bought secondhand for pennies, some of which were bought for £1 each when a local remaindered academic bookshop closed down, some of which are work books bought with some (meagre) research grant expenses money - and all of which in any case are FOR MY JOB, and without which I can't do my work? Grrrrrr! No-one would complain that a plumber bought too many tools!

My parents above all should know what my job is, but they still persist in acting like I'm an eternal undergraduate with all the "holidays" off. Gives me the rage!

[echt]

Well in that case, OP, could you not compose some witty Latin epigram to put her in her place?

How would that MN classic: fuck off to the far side side, etc. be rendered in Latin? :o

[jammygem]

Thanks again for all your input.

QuintessentialShadows She's in the same line of work as her DD and I get the impression she shares a similar view, even if she doesn't say it explicitly like her DD does.
I'm actually fairly used to people pointing out the uselessness of my area, and even I'll admit that it's not exactly the most valuable subject. I specialise mainly in Latin poetry. But I enjoy it, DP has no problem, and as far as I'm concerned that's all that matters...

[SlimJiminy]

I dream of having my own library. She's either stupid or jealous.

[coffeecups]

I wonder if it just makes her feel inadequate and less intelligent than you. So she says things about it to cover what she sees as her lower intelligence.

[flipchart]

jammygem. According to ninjaBunnyat 18.40pm Argos are cheap shite!