...to want MIL to stop moaning about books?

[jammygem]

I know this is nothing compared to most problems people have with their MILs!

As part of my job (academia) I use lots of books, and we have set aside the spare room as a sort of 'study' so I can carry on working at home, and to store my books/articles. [Side note: I've always wanted my own mini library, so this is a dream come true for me!] Admittedly there are a lot, but I read them both for academic work and for my own pleasure, and have often caught DP reading them too!

Whenever MIL visits she makes snide comments about the amount of books I own and about the validity and usefulness of my subject. She also makes comments on DP not having his 'own room', as she calls it.

My subject was one of the first things my DP and I bonded over when we first got together, and he has always retained an interest in my work throughout my relationship. Whilst he may not have his 'own room', he does love starting DIY projects which never get finished. Neither I nor MIL comment on or get annoyed about the various half-finished DIY projects scattered around the place, nor would I ever want to complain about it.

AIBU to think MIL has not right to criticise how many books I own and what I use them for? I've often held my tongue for the sake of our relationship, as we get on fairly well besides this, but the constant criticisms during her visits are getting harder and harder to ignore.

[SarahAndFuckTheResolutions]

People are weird about books.

Lots of people are either surprised that I've read the books I own ("All of them? Why?") or are surprised that I haven't read every single book ever published ("But I thought you liked reading?") when I say I haven't read something. And usually they say it in a way that suggests they knew I was a big fraud who really hasn't read anything and all the books on my shelves are really fake.

Your MIL and SIL are either threatened by your books or by what you do, or they just don't value it. Perhaps the next time they say anything you could just say "I don't understand why this bothers you so much, can you explain?" and see what they say.

My MIL was like this. She would buy books and display them, but never read them. Yet she found it necessary to comment on mine every time she saw them.

I was always tempted to do it back to her but I never did. "Do you really need all these plastic fairies? All of them? What do you do with them all?" Or "But why do you need so many paintings of waterfalls? Have you really looked at them all? Seriously, if you've looked at one once, why do you need to look at it again?"

[hiddenhome]

I haven't read the whole thread, so perhaps someone has already said it, but some people are intimidated by books. Their presence reminds that person that they're not as well educated as they'd like to be. It's jealousy and feeling inferior that drives this criticism.

[OpalMoonstone]

Could you put one of those hook and loop catches on the door and then close the door and put the catch on every time she comes? If she can't see the books she might stop commenting on them

[FriendlyLadybird]

I just think that some parents have a hard time getting their heads around the fact that their grown-up children choose to arrange their lives differently from the way that they (the parents) did. My mother is fine about our books and the fact that we have a study that is predominantly for my use -- but she has commented to me about DH's guitars which, in her view, 'spoil' the interiors in our house. I merely pointed out that it was his house as well as mine and that, anyway, I like them. But she has also commented on:

• our lack of a microwave
• the fact that we outsource our ironing (she thinks that DH ought to do it, as my father did all the ironing when I was growing up)
• her belief that DH should clean my car
• the fact that I used to throw out the Yellow Pages on the grounds that they were bulky and that I could always look things up online

I hope I don't suddenly get like that. But I find that a mild 'It works for us' is in fact just the way to deal with it.

[OpalMoonstone]

Just googled and I think they are called a hook door latch

[NinjaBunny]

the fact that I used to throw out the Yellow Pages on the grounds that they were bulky and that I could always look things up online

My dad is like that with the Argos catalogue.

He's baffled by me not having one.

I don't have one because a) Argos is cheap shite and I can't bear it, b) our local Argos is a really horrible place, c) anything in Argos I can buy cheaper on Amazon and get free delivery, d) if I did suddenly decide I wanted to shop on Argos I could view all of the products online and e) I don't want a gurt big Argos catalogue in my house.

Several times he's brought one round because it's 'nice to have'. They go straight into the recycling.

I really don't want one. He really can't accept that.

[KeatsiePie]

Re: phone books, I always used to throw them away, but my neighbor gave me a great tip -- put one in the back of the car in case you break down. We have AAA but it still seems like a good backup to me.

Our house has books in every room. We've been on a very tight budget the last couple of years as I was in graduate school, and so we relied heavily on the university library rather than buying more books. I was allowed to take out up to 500 books at a time. We wound up having to buy more shelves.

[LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName]

Next time she says its, turn to your DH and ask if he minds you having that room.

[KeatsiePie]

Er, forgot to say YANBU, obviously. I think other posters were right to say your MIL is probably threatened and therefore irritated by your having a job she doesn't really understand but know is "advanced."

I might just say "I do my job in here. What is your problem? Do you think I should write my books sitting on the toilet or something?"

[Jengnr]

What does she think he needs 'his own room' for? That's the most baffling part.

[ImperialBlether]

Or you could laugh and say, "Were you one of those students who got through your degree without reading a book?" and raise your eyebrows.

[Onefewernow]

My mum said something funny once about books.

She was asked in the street, in the 1970s, by a very middle class lady what I "was reading at university". She said, " I told her, books. The daft get!"

[Mellowandfruitful]

I also think ImperialBlether's reply is ideal. If this has gone on for a while it needs firmly pushing back next time it happens.

[capsium]

I haven't got a book room, just several book shelves in different rooms of the house. I don't even work in academia. Husband could easily compete with his CDs and vinyl. It's your house, have it how you like.

I am a SAHM for want of a better term. My MiL didn't like that either and started badgering me about a 'little part time job' as soon as my DS was one. Just smile and change the subject.

I still don't work but a least you have a career, if we swapped places I would probably be deemed much less worthy by your MiL. Hey Ho!

[capsium]

Get her a book for every Christmas and birthday from now on!

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

I agree, she's probably just a bit intimidated by them or by your job, even though you say she has an educated background.

We have loads of books, bookcases and/or shelves in every room. We love them, and although we do regular culls, we just get more.

A cousin was visiting recently, took one look at the shelves in the living room and said "What are all those books for?" "Umm, to read, actually"

Some people just don't get it, and it doesn't matter. Some people don't read, some people prefer to read on a kindle. Some people read a library book and then take it back. Whatever suits them.

[MadAsFish]

Some people just do not like books. Upon first visiting my flat sil looked round with a turned-up nose and asked, "Why have you kept all these old books? Can't you take them to the charity shop?"

Aliens. They walk among us.

[MadAsFish]

A cousin was visiting recently, took one look at the shelves in the living room and said "What are all those books for?"

I just quoted this to my husband and his suggested response was "dancing".

[DrCoconut]

We have lots of books. We are currently decorating and looking at shelving for them all. Looking at ikea expedit as we need cheap and cheerful yet robust enough for our vast collection. Any book lovers got any hints on that one?

[jammygem]

DrCoconut We've just got the £30 Maine Tall Wide ones from Argos - they're actually pretty good and sturdy, definitely recommend them!

[SarahAndFuckTheResolutions]

Ikea Expedit are alright but only if you want to double stack your books and have them piled on top of each other. Otherwise there's a lot of shelf but not much space to put books on them. I think they are better for putting baskets on for toys and stuff.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

Next time she comments, tell her that you and your DH have been carefully thinking about her point and you have decided that in future you will share the room and have decided to convert it into a sex dungeon.

Then keep the door shut when she visits.

[Crowler]

God. I would be speechless. Maybe tell her to fuck off?

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

I am extremely jealous of your book room op. We just have a book house. Fil, bil and sil just do not get it. (We are still acting like students) ffs.
I had several friends with same attitude. One asked what dh problem was buying them? (Head tilt) I almost said because he doesn't spend his money on getting pissed every single night like her dp did. But I didn't because I am nice. (Cough)