...to want MIL to stop moaning about books?

[jammygem]

I know this is nothing compared to most problems people have with their MILs!

As part of my job (academia) I use lots of books, and we have set aside the spare room as a sort of 'study' so I can carry on working at home, and to store my books/articles. [Side note: I've always wanted my own mini library, so this is a dream come true for me!] Admittedly there are a lot, but I read them both for academic work and for my own pleasure, and have often caught DP reading them too!

Whenever MIL visits she makes snide comments about the amount of books I own and about the validity and usefulness of my subject. She also makes comments on DP not having his 'own room', as she calls it.

My subject was one of the first things my DP and I bonded over when we first got together, and he has always retained an interest in my work throughout my relationship. Whilst he may not have his 'own room', he does love starting DIY projects which never get finished. Neither I nor MIL comment on or get annoyed about the various half-finished DIY projects scattered around the place, nor would I ever want to complain about it.

AIBU to think MIL has not right to criticise how many books I own and what I use them for? I've often held my tongue for the sake of our relationship, as we get on fairly well besides this, but the constant criticisms during her visits are getting harder and harder to ignore.

[NinjaBunny]

Urgh!!

When we were moving the removal men kept commenting on the amount of books we had (probably 50% of the boxes but I'd also marked DVDs and games as books so they wouldn't be stolen ).

"You've got so many books!"
"Yes, we do!"

"Loads of books for us to move!"
"Yes, sorry. But I'm fecking paying you and it's not like I hid them when you came round to quote"

"Have you read them all?"
"Yes, mostly." Obviously I have books that don't interest DP and DS and vice versa.

"Then WHY do you keep them?"
"Er, to read again?"

That's the one thing that gets me. It's deemed normal to watch a DVD, play a game or listen to a CD over and over again but reading a book more than once is somehow 'odd'.

Why?

After a day of comments I was pulling this face:

SiL says it about our DVDs. We have about 800. We like movies. We watch them more than once. Meh.

Funny how people have opinions on what other people have in their homes. My dad (ex baker) has a gazillion baking trays. I don't comment. He obviously likes baking trays..!

[NinjaBunny]

Oooo, there was an episode of House Doctor with a book addict.

Ann Maurice: Why? Why the books?
Vendor: I like to read... blah blah.
Ann Maurice: But they're just paperbacks..?



Yes, Ann Maurice. Paperbacks are cheaper and fit better on shelves. Then we can have MORE !

[Meerka]

I get comments like this too from my actually-rather-amazing MIL.

Havent quite said to her that I'll get rid of my books a day after my funeral.

...it's just occured to me that she might be a bit intimidated after reading this thread .... she has a heart as big as an elephants but her education was not very good (very poor background)... huh, never thought of that before

[Spherical]

What's wrong with a straight forward 'it works for us' and moving the conversation on?

[Toecheese]

Ask where she keeps her books as you can never see any

[Adeleh]

Have exactly the same with my mother, who purses her lips and says darkly 'One day you'll drown under all this paper.' Husband and I both academics. She has some respect for what we do, but hates all the books in the house. She'd much rather it was nice and tidy - ie covered with her sewing and tapestry things . . .

[Adeleh]

Sorry ML definitely out of order. Tell her to read a couple and give herself something better to think about.

[Melawen]

ninjabunny you've put into words what I've never been able to! I will now ask why they watch the same DVDs repeatedly and say that it's the same for me and my few million books!

Oh and OP - definitely YANBU!

[BabyMummy29]

She sounds very selfish. It's your house so you can have it how you wish. How would she feel if you criticised the way she used the rooms in her hosue?

[Coumarin]

Sounds wonderful. The majority of my books are in boxes. This thread has made me decided to go on a bookshelf buying trip this week. I can't believe I live in a house where there aren't books in every room.

Yanbu, she's being a tit. Eyeroll at her and think nothing else of it.

[Coumarin]

*decide

[NewtRipley]

The fact that it is books that get up her nose makes me think this is about her own insecurities about her own perception of her own intellect.

Smile and wave. It's about her

[whatever5]

It's none of her business and I would be really irritated about her comments that her son should have is own room.

Personally I don't see the need to clog the house up with loads of books though. I'd rather have the space. DH and I read a lot and are also academics but nowadays we generally read online or via kindle. A lot of our old books have gone to charity shops.

[NewtRipley]

Ah, I see carabos already said it.

If your MIL didn't have the chance or encouragement to study beyond school, she may feel insecure about it.

[FryOneFatManic]

I don't get why people think you can only read a book once. I read some of my books several times.

I only got rid of about 200+ when we moved house and really had nowhere to store them, I've still have loads.

One day I'll have a bigger house and will have biiiiiiiiig bookcases. And I don't have books for a job, just to read (although I am now building up a kindle collection)

[NewtRipley]

I now have a Kindle, but I still buy books from the authors I like, to add to my collection. I also give a lot of books away, but there I some I like to re-read frequenty

[jammygem]

I don't see how she would feel insecure about it though - she's a really smart, lovely woman with a university education. She also reads a fair bit, so I wouldn't say it's because of that.

Her DD makes similar comments, but I think that's a different issue. She's a nurse and also constantly comments on how my work doesn't actually help anyone, unlike hers.

I don't know, maybe I should just point out to them both that DP and I are both happy with how our house is. I don't want to sound rude though, we really do get on well other than this!

[NinjaBunny]

She's a nurse and also constantly comments on how my work doesn't actually help anyone, unlike hers.

Wow.

She sounds like delightful company!!

[Nanny0gg]

I've lost count of the number of people that look at our bookshelves (nowhere near as many as you have, sadly) and ask 'Have you actually read all of those books?'

Well, I haven't actually, as some belong to DH, but some I have read many, many times.

When I win the lottery, I am having my own study and a library.

[ImperialBlether]

I think you need to give a very sharp retort. "I don't want to be rude, MIL, but we've both told you again and again that I need a study for my work. And yes of course it has books in it; I'm a university lecturer. DH really doesn't mind the fact I use this room as a study. Now would you mind giving it a rest?"

[revivingsnowshower]

Ha ninjabunny I was just coming on here to and a [hmmm] to ops sil.

[Onefewernow]

Carabos has it.

Just say words along the lines if "do you think? It suits us ".

You think it is rude to say something like this? It is not as rude as her poking her nose in, in your home.

Once you are married, the parent of one of you is best off keeping their nose out. Works for me with my DiL anyway.

[revivingsnowshower]

In real life I would give her that sort of ooooh!? you do when someone thinks they are something a bit special, but not sure how to write it.

[revivingsnowshower]

Or you could say to mil "if you think this is bad you should see the storage units"

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I would say exactly what ImperialBlether suggested - it is perfect!