to say no to my 10 year old getting a mobile phone?

[PTFsWife]

I genuinely need to know if I am being unreasonable here. My son who turns 10 soon is desperate for his own mobile phone because according to him 'everyone' has one. Now I know that isn't true. But the point is, all of his closest friends do have phones and he feels massively left out.

My reasons for saying no:

• he doesn't need one. There are a few (very few) occasions where him having a phone would make it easier for me e.g. can he walk to a different school entrance. But for that, he could have my old pay as you go nokia, but he would rather die than having something that uncool (all his friends have iphones)

• he already has too much time on a screen. I spend my life trying to get him off screens so by buying him a phone, surely it's sending a message that I think more screen time is ok?

• I worry that if he has a phone, he can start to access the internet from anywhere, start to do picture sharing which can quickly turn to bullying. Even though I would insist on having his password and the right to check his phone from time to time, I am still not comfortable with it.

I feel as though kids are growing up way too fast and it is just plain unnecessary for him to have one (should he start walking to school on his own or similar, there may be more of a genuine reason to have one).

But I also understand the peer pressure he must feel at school. He is already the kid who isn't allowed to play on 18+ games which his friends all are. My husband feels that perhaps we are just out of touch with what life is really like for kids these days and perhaps we're just being old and 'fuddy duddy', saying no for the sake of it. He also thinks that by giving him his own phone, it will be an opportunity for him to prove to us that he can be responsible and that he might thrive with that responsibility.

But in my gut I don't think it is right for him to have a phone. So am I being unreasonable? Should I let him have one?

equipping not quipping

I agree with you, op. My dd is 10 and has just started middle school so walks to school. Her friends have phones. I think it will help her to be independent And think for herself if she doesn't have a phone. Plus, where do you go from here? What will she want when she's 11?

I am against the kids having too much screen - dd has a laptop.

Yanbu.

When my DD got to the stage of having a smartphone, hubby quickly realised not having an iPhone was a mistake. iPhones can be restricted so she couldn't access unsuitable games/apps/websites. It may seem terribly indulgent to some to see her with an iPhone but being responsible parents, we need to do all we can to keep her monitored and restricted.

My dd is in yr 6 and was one of the few children not to have a phone.

We got her a smartphone for Christmas, just a basic one. She will be off to secondary school this year & I wanted her to get used to having a phone and being responsible for it before then.

Joys you could have just got a phone with out internet if it's about safety a phone that rings Texts and answers is all is needed so a I phone is indulgent

Hello OP

My dd was 10 yesterday and got a phone as we feel she will benefit from one now. It isn't an iphone though.
I think Samsung Galaxy, young or something. It was about £50 inc £10 credit and they threw loads of extras in.
My older ds's had them for high school, but dd spends long days away from home and now needs one.
I haven't done it until they needed them and agree with you, OP.
It is hard when friends have them, but its also good not to be a sheep and be your own person.

I think you should get him one but not a smart phone. Just one that makes calls and texts.

YANBU, children don't need phones.

Not even when they go to the park/into town/play out in the street?

I think as soon as they're allowed out alone, a cheap PAYG is a very sensible thing to give them.

Can you reach a compromise? Get him an iPod touch?

He could then have a cheap phone maybe sometime in the next year in prep for secondary school.

My ten year old does have an iPhone but only because it was leftover from an upgrade so was free. In my experience DS was one of the last of his friends to have this.

I think you may be slightly out of touch. Firstly it's not about needing one, it's that he wants it, I'm sure he has lots of things he doesn't actually need but wanted so I'd void that argument. In regards to screen time, how much is he presently allowed, can you reduce this in exchange for a phone, also are you being reasonable about this, we live in a screen intense world now, are your expectations about this up to date? I think yes it's a concern what he may be exposed to but if all his close friends have these devices that circumvents the problem for him as he can be how's anything and everything by them, having his own device may be better as it may give you insight to what he's looking at and the opportunity to monitor him.

My 2 eldest have iPhones, they are 12 and 14. I got them on a really good deal. Ds1 was probably one of the last in his group of friends to get one. His friends all seem to have the most up to date gadgets tbh.

They needed phones for my own piece of mind really. Being able to contact them and them me when they are out and about puts my mind at ease. Even at 10 they were out calling on friends etc. the fact they have iPhones isn't really relevant. As I said it was a good deal, just happened to be an iphone. The god of all phones apparently. There are actually more expensive phones but people tend to focus on iPhones as the Daddy of the mobile phone world .

My mum still has a Nokia 3310, those phones were made of steel!!

When I was a kid and I went out without my parents, they always made sure I had 10p for the phone box...to be used only for emergencies.

Since so many phone boxes have been removed from the high street, and finding one in working order is like finding hen's teeth...surely the modern day equivalent of '10p for the phone' is equipping them with a cheap PAYG?

I don't understand why people are reluctant to keep in contact with their kids.

Definitely not unreasonable to say no to an iPhone! There's no way I'd give anything that expensive to a 10 year old.

My eldest is only 6 but my intention is to wait until her 11th birthday to get her a phone. And it will be the cheapest one I can find.

My 9 (nearly 10 year old) has a phone. He's had one for two years now - started with a cheap p&g now on a capped £12.50 contract. I wouldn't let him play out with his friends without it. It's entirely up to yourself if you want to get a phone for your DC but I've found it invaluable in bridging the gap between allowing him some independent and not having to worry about where he is.

A pp made a good suggestion that you could agree he would have a lower amount of screen time at home to make up for having an internet phone. Also maybe he could earn it in some way you think acceptable, increased chores or working hard at school to show he is responsible enough and he has to keep that up once he gets it in order that you will pay for his credit. I think if he has to work for it he will value it more- or he might change his mind of course.

I agree that it is nearly impossible to find a working payphone these days. Carrying a cheap PAYG phone is sensible, especially if you are making your own way to and from school on unreliable public transport. If my 11 year old is late home, I find it reassuring to receive a text explaining why.

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/consumertips/9663807/Mobile-phone-theft

Please read this op, ignore those who tell you to get a small child a mart phone then get the cheapest Ugly phone you can get. I can assure you that will cure him of wanting a phone.

Sorry YABU. Get him a basic, cheap PAYG. Using and not losing a phone is a useful life skill for young people these days.

10 is the age they start being a bit more independent. Next year he'll presumably be off to secondary school where a phone will be pretty much assumed. An example - ds in yr 7 went on a school trip. They were all strictly told not to bring phones, no need etc. On the way back the coach was delayed by 2 hours and all the dcs were told by the teachers to tell their parents they would be late. Lo and behold every dc brings their phone out of their bag. Only muggins here was sat in the school carpark wondering where everyone was.

(Mum, I'm doing band practice after school. Mum, the bus hasn't come. Mum can I go to Fred's house to do our project after school, etc etc etc The uses are endless.)

nephew is 11 and has a cheap blackberry. my sister pays £15 a month for it . he goes out a lot with his friends like the skate park, subway etc and he texts his mum where he is or can ring in an emergency. my niece who's 13 has an iPhone but she paid for it herself. they're not allowed to take them upstairs at bedtime so theyre not distracted. my sister says she wouldn't feel right letting them go far without a phone in case something happened.

sadoldbag that's exactly what we did do for her first phone as my first post said. The post of mine you are commenting on says 'when we got to the stage of her needing a 'smartphone'' not simply a phone. At smartphone stage we didn't go straight to an iPhone and I regret not doing so as the parental controls are crap compared to on iPhones. That's why I posted.

I don't think most posters have a issue with you getting him a phone it's just many think and I phone is way over the top

And a I phone is no more safe than a cheap phone if anything I phone is likely to attract unwanted attention also there is the on line element which will be totally unregulated and those who think oh well my child's is disBled any year 11 can tell you how to enable it.

And there is the whole sexting thing to worry about

I would worry about my 10 year old getting mugged for his iphone. It happens around here - its a good point.

A 10-year-old doesn't need a phone full time. For when playing out etc, then fine. But they certainly do not need a phone all the time. And definitely not an iPhone. My daft cousin allowed her DD to have one early, now you hardly ever see the child look up from whichever phone or gadget is currently flavour of the month.

I don't know whether or not YABU because this is one of those things which is so dependent on personal circumstances.

DS got a phone for his recent 10th birthday. The plan was that he'd get a very basic text/call/camera phone and it would be his big present from me and DH. However, he has ended up with a Galaxy Y smartphone as a present from his grandparents instead, as FIL bought it but didn't get on with it so it was sitting doing nothing and they decided to give it to him. In the end, it's cost us almost as much as our original planned present would have as we had to get it unlocked and put new credit on it as the 02 set-up didn't work for him at all, minimum £10 per month even on PAYG and we just wanted one we just need to top up when it runs out (ended up going with T-mobile in case anyone else has the same issue).

He needs it because he and his friends are starting to venture further afield when playing out - ie beyond shouting distance - and I want to be able to contact him if I need him home earlier than the arranged time for whatever reason.

He's not allowed internet, DH will download any apps or games he needs via the wifi at home, and so far pretty much all he's done with it every spare minute is play Angry Birds.

It's not matter weather they have if for there first or seconded phone in my view buying a child a phone worth hundreds of pounds when you can buy phone for £10 is in my view indulgent

Because like I said if it's about safety then a cheap phone will do but mostly I phones are about keeping up with tommy who has a I phone

No one will ever convince me that a child haveinb internet connection, ECt and £££ worth of phone is as after bet than a cheap pay as you go

Sorry but after my dad told me about the poor lad at his school who got stabbed on his way home from school for his phone I have very strong views about phones

And can't see if it's simply a matter of safety and not showing off or keeping up with the jones why a cheap phone won't do

My son can have a expensive phone when he can afford it also when he is less likey to have a gang of kids want to take it from him

We got our DSs phones when some of their friends who were a few months older started getting driver's licenses, so they were around 15 or so. Prior to that, we pretty much knew where they were because we, or other parents, had driven them wherever there were going. This was 'quite a few' years ago and smartphones weren't around, so internet and 'sexting' & sending rude pictures weren't even thought of. We viewed the phones more as a safety net in case there was a problem and they (or we) needed urgent contact.

I don't think I'd get a 10 year old a smartphone of any kind! There are phones (here in the US) that are 'pay as you go' and can be preprogrammed with specific numbers (parents, grandparents) and will also dial 911 (our 999) for outgoing calls. Although it will receive calls from any number, you can also go in and block numbers. No texting, no internet, no camera, just making and receiving calls. That's the only kind of phone I'd get a 10 year old as they really only 'need' one for emergencies.

But then, I'm an old fogey. I just don't see the need.