to say no to my 10 year old getting a mobile phone?

[PTFsWife]

I genuinely need to know if I am being unreasonable here. My son who turns 10 soon is desperate for his own mobile phone because according to him 'everyone' has one. Now I know that isn't true. But the point is, all of his closest friends do have phones and he feels massively left out.

My reasons for saying no:

• he doesn't need one. There are a few (very few) occasions where him having a phone would make it easier for me e.g. can he walk to a different school entrance. But for that, he could have my old pay as you go nokia, but he would rather die than having something that uncool (all his friends have iphones)

• he already has too much time on a screen. I spend my life trying to get him off screens so by buying him a phone, surely it's sending a message that I think more screen time is ok?

• I worry that if he has a phone, he can start to access the internet from anywhere, start to do picture sharing which can quickly turn to bullying. Even though I would insist on having his password and the right to check his phone from time to time, I am still not comfortable with it.

I feel as though kids are growing up way too fast and it is just plain unnecessary for him to have one (should he start walking to school on his own or similar, there may be more of a genuine reason to have one).

But I also understand the peer pressure he must feel at school. He is already the kid who isn't allowed to play on 18+ games which his friends all are. My husband feels that perhaps we are just out of touch with what life is really like for kids these days and perhaps we're just being old and 'fuddy duddy', saying no for the sake of it. He also thinks that by giving him his own phone, it will be an opportunity for him to prove to us that he can be responsible and that he might thrive with that responsibility.

But in my gut I don't think it is right for him to have a phone. So am I being unreasonable? Should I let him have one?

How's he going to get a job in tech if he hasn't spent his childhood surrounded by it? Get him a raspberry pi and tell him he can have a phone as soon as he learns how to program it!
You can also put a GPS tracker on it, then you'll always know where he is.

its a bit of a double edged sword. lots of kids do seem to have phones but im not sure they are necessary - necessary means different things to different people.

my nephew, 17yr old, got an iphone for his christmas because his friends all had them and they message each other or facetime each other and it doesnt cost anything extra in the contract. i know some people who use blackberrys for that reason too - they can message each other at no cost. my neice who is 6 wants one because she sees people on them all the time, her dad is always on his phone, brother is always on his too playing games etc. so im not surprised they want them - they think its normal and its what people do.

im not one for any apple stuff as i think all its products are restrictive but on the other side of the coin they seem to do integration well and get people sucked into their product set.

We got our son a phone just before he started secondary school so he could let me know he had got to school and home okay. He has a basic nokia. He wants an iphone. He is not getting one unti he can pay for it himself. I am not interested in what other kids have got and make my own parenting decisions on what I think is best, not what someone else has decided to do with their own child. DS will get a better phone with a camera once he has learnt to look after his stuff.

DD will get a phone when she starts secondary school this year.

Your DS turns 10 soon, so is therefore actually 9 and in y5?

Can he come up with a better reason for wanting a phone that 'my friends have one'?

Stick to your guns, I say. Don 't get tempted to follow the friends of parents, especially parents who let 9/10 year olds play 18-rated games.

Are they even allowed phones at school? At our primary they have to be handed in at the office first thing (eg for those who make their own way to school).

y6 is early enough imo. And not something expensive with internet access either. (DD age 14 still has internet access disabled on her phone).

brokenhearted55a Sun 05-Jan-14 13:20:19
A child with an ipad....! I cant afford one for me.

She needed something for her homework & it was cheaper than getting her a laptop at the time.

We have 10yo twin girls, no phones yet. However, we have 2 smart phones that we don't use, which we thought they could have once in y6. I'd rather do this than buy additional payg phones just to prove a point but from the gist of this thread I'd be pandering to them, wwyd?

Op my son is 14 dose have a phone but it's a Nokia brick foe about 7 years ago no internet no photos

Funny enough he chooses not to take it out most days after begging me for years a phone was essential for his safety
He has not been bullied and the school argument is mute any way as most schools don't allow phones and at my SOns school if found they are confiscated and parents have to come in a sign for them

They are allowed to use the phone at student services and if I need to contact him for any reason student services will send a note to his class

I deplore parents who need to be in contact with there children 100% of. The tie however did we manage

if anything have a I phone will make him a target my dad is a teacher and they have just had a memorial service for a boy who was stabbed for his I phone.
If he had either not had a phone or had a very basic one it's very doubtful they would of wanted it

The more gadets your child has especially boys the more they are a target to theft

Msnile i would buy two £10 cheap pasgo phones

They don't need phones connected to the internet

Hmm, well my ds1 is also 9 and informed me that "everyone" else in his class has got a mobile phone. Further discussion revealed that he could only name 3 or 4 children who he definitely knew had a phone.

Planning to get him a very cheap entry level PAYG when he starts walking home from school alone (after Easter). Until then he doesn't need one, which is what I told him and which is what would have been my response even if he could have reeled off the serial numbers of the whole class' phones.

I do know that one of the girls in his class has just been given an iphone for her 10th birthday but personally I think that's bonkers. We do have technology at home btw, I am not anti tech at all.

I bought one for my 10 year old because he was starting to walk to places by himself and I wanted to know that I could get in touch with him. He had also just changed schools so I thought if he could leave his mobile number with his old friends then they could get in touch if any of them ever got a phone. His older brother has one so it didn't seem any bother to add another cheap handset onto that contract.
However, the phone just doesn't get used. He plays games on it occasionally but I have to remind him to turn it on to check for messages. In a year or two he will use it a lot more but it's pretty pointless at the moment.

I thought that it wasn't recommended for children under the age of 12 to use any sort of mobile phone because of brain cell issues?

Ds1(10 next week) " all my friends have one". No actually they don't and even if they did, I don't care. Like Op, you don't need one.
This whole thing is ridiculous.
And no, you wont be playing 18 games, call of duty etc with violence and swearing. says dh.

I am the most lazy parent, but this whole thing really gets my goat!!

My 10 yr old is only in Yr5.

You sound exactly like us re phone and games. Dd is 11 and a half and just got a bare basics payg phone for Christmas. She needs to show that she can be responsible with it before we would consider something more advanced, maybe in 2 year's time.

ALL his 10 year old friends have iPhones?! I can't afford an iPhone for me, never mind two kids!

My DD2 is almost 11 and has no phone. She will get one when she starts secondary. Like her sister's, it will be a basic Nokia PAYG which only does calls and texts. I don't have a smartphone, neither does DH so they know it is perfectly possible to get by without one. They have controlled Internet access at home and at school and that is not about to change any time soon - not until they have shown themselves to be aware of the risks and able to handle them.

My DS is 11 and he's just got an iphone for Christmas

He takes the old family PAYG if he plays out/goes to the park/friend's house.

My daughter got one when she was in year 6. Lots of them at that age just have a pay as you go cheapy. Lots if others don't gave one at all. The key thing was, she got one, not because of peer pressure, but because it benefitted me and my peace of mind and benefitted her because she was allowed her to have more freedoms.

We gave dd a cheap payg one when she was 10 because she started walking to and from school and was allowed to look round the shopping centre with a friend at that age. Now nearly 12 she has a better one. I totally agree with your reluctance to allow him one that accesses the onternet so readily....you have to be very watchful and firm about it. We remove Dds phone from her room before bedtime and monitor her use of it very carefully.

It does get very tedious for children not to be allowed to do this that or the other when all their friends are allowed. My parents were old fashioned and I suffered from this. I think you have to use common sense and decide if having a phone would harm him. I can't see how it could. But I think you are right to want him to cut down a bit on his on-screen time in general.

I am sure he is not the only child not allowed to play on 18+ games OP.

In my house you get a phone for your 11th birthday. I imagine by then most other DC in the class have got one unless they are really not interested.

I bet they don't all have iphones tho I would never buy a 10 yo something that expensive. Mine have a nice smartphone on a £10/month contract, it's fine. Also it's capped so they can't go over that which is great. DS1 managed to trash his so I bought him a new one - but it was his Christmas present.

DS (now 8) has an ipod and a mini ipad (for Xmas - joint present from me and Gp's) and will be getting a phone when he starts walking to/from school on his own in two years. It will be an old phone of mine with no internet access.

I am hardly a parent that says no to technology but an old working phone is perfectly acceptable n my opinion until they are old enough to pay for their own.

Its much easier to control what they can access when they can only get onto internet via wifi than if they get 3g enabled phone.

You aren;t actually saying no to a phone, you;re saying no to an iphone.

my DS got one when he turned 10. It is a cheapish PAYG one, which can connect to the internet, although he never does that (yet). He uses the computer for internet games. It has been useful for him to txt other school boys when he forgets his home work or for us to call him if we are running late and won't be at home when he arrives. 6 months into it, we have not had any problems, so I think it was a good idea.

DS had a very basic one for xmas with no internet access so that he can start to walk home by himself in preperation for high school. If he doesnt lose it, i'll upgrade it when he starts secondary in line with what others have. It hard enough at high school without feeling different.

YANBU, children don't need phones.

I will let mine have them when they go to senior school (age 13 for us) and that's only because they will have to commute a long way, may finish at varying times of night and may even have to board.

I occasionally worry that I am not quipping my children for the modern world because we don't have computers (except my work-owned lap top), ipads, wiis, any other game consoles, tablets, iphones or even a working tv at home! But then they use all of those things at school and at friend's houses so they know how they all work and can use them when they need to.