to say no to my 10 year old getting a mobile phone?

[PTFsWife]

I genuinely need to know if I am being unreasonable here. My son who turns 10 soon is desperate for his own mobile phone because according to him 'everyone' has one. Now I know that isn't true. But the point is, all of his closest friends do have phones and he feels massively left out.

My reasons for saying no:

• he doesn't need one. There are a few (very few) occasions where him having a phone would make it easier for me e.g. can he walk to a different school entrance. But for that, he could have my old pay as you go nokia, but he would rather die than having something that uncool (all his friends have iphones)

• he already has too much time on a screen. I spend my life trying to get him off screens so by buying him a phone, surely it's sending a message that I think more screen time is ok?

• I worry that if he has a phone, he can start to access the internet from anywhere, start to do picture sharing which can quickly turn to bullying. Even though I would insist on having his password and the right to check his phone from time to time, I am still not comfortable with it.

I feel as though kids are growing up way too fast and it is just plain unnecessary for him to have one (should he start walking to school on his own or similar, there may be more of a genuine reason to have one).

But I also understand the peer pressure he must feel at school. He is already the kid who isn't allowed to play on 18+ games which his friends all are. My husband feels that perhaps we are just out of touch with what life is really like for kids these days and perhaps we're just being old and 'fuddy duddy', saying no for the sake of it. He also thinks that by giving him his own phone, it will be an opportunity for him to prove to us that he can be responsible and that he might thrive with that responsibility.

But in my gut I don't think it is right for him to have a phone. So am I being unreasonable? Should I let him have one?

YANBU. I wouldn't let a 10 year old have an iPhone. If he doesn't want a cheap PAYG phone, then I'd stick with nothing. I don't care what anyone else does.

At the age of 53 I have just got my first smartphone...had a payg nokia (3.75 carphon warehouse) for years.
The dcs got similar when they began secondary, but at 15 and 17 are now on quite expensive high tech stuff. Ds always gets dh's hand me downs.

DD coming up 10 has a very old PAYG for when she goes to call for friends / play at the park.

She certainly won't be getting an iphone any time soon, although lots of her friends do have them as they inherited them when their parents upgraded. If she wants one she can save up her pocket money for 5 years and buy one.

Its amazing how quickly they can save when they want though. I said absolutely no to an ipad for my 12 yr old. She asked everyone for money for birthday/xmas, and within 6/12 had enough for an ipad mini.

I'm absolutely astounded at those of you that let really young children have iphones! My dd has only just got one and she's 16 - although she has had cheaper PAYG phones up until now.

My dss got an iphone 5 for her 12th birthday and I was

*dsd

I dont see a single post on this thread advocating or giving iphones to young children, not one. Could you link to those that you think did?? Think we have all said, yes to cheapie PAYG.

My dd has an old iphone with payg sim in it, but to be honest she never uses it and only uses it to text me or DH when were at work!

dd (10) has a phone but it is my old htc one - no way would she be getting an iphone. Her phone tends to lie about with no charge and she only wants it if she's going out to play (not much recently due to the weather).

Bloody hell macdoodle, you're right. Most of these posts agree with me I've skim read, you see. Sorry.

thought it was too unanimous to be MN (as did you obviously)!

I think I just read what I already assumed was going to be the case! How embarrassing

We didn't allow our DS a mobile until the Christmas after he started secondary school. He moaned a little bit but so what?

There will always be peer pressure around and if you give in to a mobile phone then what else will you feel you have to give in to? Chidren (and some adults ) need to learn how to deal with peer pressure and to understand that different families have different rules.

I'd only agree if he was walking to school without an adult, even then it'd be a basic PAYG - I recently got one from EE for £2.99 which is ideal.

I agree he is too young. My dd is almost 13..... No phone , 10 year old ds has never even mentioned having a phone! But then he would rather play outside anyway, it's easy enough for them to be 'cool' with a nice scooter or trendy trainers, no need for tablets, phones iPod at primary school AT ALL! My dd will have a tablet/ phone/ laptop at 15 if she earns/saves for them.

My dc have phones although dd (10) has dh's old samsung galaxy ace (ie basic) and ds1 (almost 8) has old Nokia (not a smart phone) only for if they have a problem walking home from school.

However dd has iPod and ds1 an iPad - but they are not allowed to take them out of house and we control what they doing etc

Are you sure they all have phones? I've just asked my 10yo dd1, she says one of her friends have their own phone, it's an iphone 5, some of them have their parent's old phone, but mostly they are not their phone, they're just allowed to use them when they play out. Most of them do not have any phone, they have tablets instead.

DS1 (11, y6) and DS2 (9, y5) both have cheap PAYG phones. I think they cost about a tenner each, one is a Nokia and one is a Samsung. They don't have internet or cameras etc on them. I top them up with £10 every so often. Most of the time the phones live on the shelf in the kitchen, but hey are useful when the boys have football practice/wind band/drama rehearsals etc and need to let me know what time they are finishing.

I wouldn't dream of giving either of them an iphone.

We let DS1 and DS2 have mobile phones at age 11. Neither have unlimited internet access. Since age 13, DS1 has had access to our home wi-fi till 9pm, and 3G in summer holidays. DS2 doesn't have internet access on his phone yet, but we'll consider it when he's 13.

Neither of them have an iphone, but nor do we. Old-fashioned phones to start with, then DS1 saved up half the money for a Lumia and we paid the rest for his 13th.

Both DDs got basic phones at 10.

DD1 will get an iPhone when her current contract runs out, she'll be 16.5

Ok
She's had an iPod touch since she was 10, but a lot of what DCs do they don't want anything like that expensive, delicate in their pockets.

DD2(12) may well get DD1's current phone (galaxy ace) or another Android one next Xmas as she has a nexus and google play account.

I don't think I'd trust a 10 yr old with an expensive phone to carry about. If you want to compromise how about getting/letting him save up for a nice tablet to use at home. With your rules. Then he can tell his friends he can't get the phone as he prefers to save up for an iPad.

I don't think he needs one tbh.

All these friends that have stuff/can do stuff-where does that info come from-him??

Both my dcs got phone at the age of ten, after taking the 11+ test (reward for hard work doing the test, received before whether we knew whether they had passed or not). I think getting them in year 6 is a good idea, so they get used to having them before starting secondary school.

However, mine never took them to school then(apart from last week in July), and only used them at home and weekends - useful for shopping trips when boys wandered in games shop etc, and me into clothes shops!

Also, iPhones aren't necessary and not everyone has them.

Hard question.

My parents are very strict and I was the last person in my class to get a phone. When I eventually was allowed a phone, it was the cheapest one in the shop, whereas all my classmates had the latest Nokia.

I also was only allowed to use it for emergencies, so was given only £10 credit to last a year, so I couldn't spend it calling/texting my friends. I did however spend a massive amount of time calling Childline (free), because I felt so lonely and isolated and couldn't phone/ text my friends because it cost too much and they were literally the only people I could afford to phone.

I felt very isolated, as everyone used to sit around changing their ringtones and playing snake, and I was the only one who couldn't join in. I spent the next 3 years saving up my pocket money to buy a better phone, by which point most kids had grown out of playing snake anyway.

Whilst a large part of me wants to say that a primary aged child really doesn't need a phone, I remember how unhappy and isolated I felt, and wouldn't wish that on anyone.

The most important thing is that your child is happy, and I think that having a phone that allows them to integrate with their classmates would improve their social life and therefore their happiness, it may be worth it.