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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this girl needs a slap

200 replies

RalphLaurenLover · 04/01/2014 22:30

This girl who use to hang around with us was always around trouble stealing, running away, violence, drinking, smoking, drugs you name it she did it.

I kind of moved on and she moved to a different area we had each other on Facebook but don't speak. She got pregnant and proclaimed it was going to be the making of her Hmm well it wasn't unfortunately she was constantly telling the Facebook world how SS were on to her and were going to "kidnap" her baby. She had and was given a chance and after a few photo's of her changing the child with her feet holding the bottle in it's mouth with the caption "you bitches can't multi-task like me" status of how she had to go through DNA because she'd slept around and drug test because she was taking her child to be around people whom do drugs she got miffed at the world because SS took the child away.

She still see it but lashed out at everyone with a child on Facebook stating she resents them because SS are C**t's and stole her baby Hmm they don't know what they're doing even one remark about how all the SS are is a paedophile gang leader taking and giving children to paedophiles?!?!

She's now telling the world of facebook how at her next contact she's just going to take the child and run because nobody will stop her and despite having no job, money or home she can provide better than these "paedophiles Hmm because it's going to be adopted yet she constantly refuses any help

AIBU to think that maybe if she didn't constantly accuse the SS and fill her Facebook full of shit like this she may have more of a chance I try to hide her post but some just creep on in

OP posts:
VampyreofTimeandMemory · 05/01/2014 00:29

droves yeah, i think people really latched on to the 'slap' part.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 00:29

If your so easily led and can't work out what is right or wrong for your child that you stick them in a room full of booze and drugs then you shouldn't have one. In this case It's VERY apparent SS are doing the right thing

As I said earlier she must love her DC like I love my DC I hope, but I love my DC enough to stick him in a dangerous enviroment.

Droves Don't worry they don't make me feel bad haha

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2014 00:34

"If she is "beyond help" then you can't help. "

If you read the posts back, you will see that what is being said is that she cannot be helped, to keep her child, from someone just bring a friend.

She needs intense support and probably therapy.

Very few adolescents run away from home and indulge in illegal risky behaviour, for the hell of it, there would of been something going on.

RoomForASmallOne · 05/01/2014 00:34

You've shown no compassion for this 'friend' of yours.
She obviously needs help and will hopefully get it.
Happy, stable people don't live like this very young girl has/does...do you not see that??
If this is true, then people like you being away from her will only serve her well.

PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:36

I don't understand how someone can think anyone whom is only trying to do what is best for your child all to be paedophile gang leaders. I also don't understand how someone can take their child to be around drugs and alcohol, I don't understand how if someone is threatening to the only thing that your suppose to protect in life why you wouldn't just shut up and do as your god damn told

Ralph, I would imagine, that she is really very angry, scared and unable to confront her own failings as a parent or willing to confront them. When people are in significant amounts of denial, ill equipped to cope with every day life, isolated, have led an unhealthy lifestyle, they are capable of making really bad decisions and it's easy to lash out and blame others and not take responsibility. In her case not working with professionals and taking her children to environments where drug and alcohol misuse is going on. Also, on top of that, venting on facebook!

Social Workers can be really frightening. Not everyone sees them as wanting the best for a child, some people view them as interfering and scary. They can be interfering and scary.

It might be that this woman has had social workers involved in her life in the past and has had the experience of being out of control and having authorities make decisions for her. She has probably expected that authorities would step in.

For people living lifestyles which are chaotic, isolated, drug and alcohol dependent, it is not easy to just step out of that and make positive steps. She will have incredibly low self esteem. No one in that situation will feel good about themselves. A consequent of this will be that she will find it hard to choose good things, cope on her own while she rebuilds or accept support. She will be unlikely at this point to even know how to.

It is a massive step for someone to admit they need help and they are wrong, even with support and positive people around them.

The children need to be safe until she is able to recognise what needs to change.

LedareAnsley · 05/01/2014 00:36

yy Birds.

The situation either at home or at school is usually intolerable for that to happen.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 00:38

Room

As far as I'm concerned I offered to help she'd rather get drunk. The choice was her. If you choose to put your child around drug and alcohol then what else will SS do?

Birds As I said she's told everyone SS have said the DC is being adopted, I don't think you can get a child back once that has happened?

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:39

If your so easily led and can't work out what is right or wrong for your child that you stick them in a room full of booze and drugs then you shouldn't have one

No offence meant but this comment is absolute pointless rhetoric of daily mail proportion.

PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:41

As far as I'm concerned I offered to help she'd rather get drunk

Yes. I think with the best intention in the world, no one will be able to help this woman.

PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:43

Also she will be in huge emotional pain, unimaginable. If the child is being adopted it will only have been after signficant exploration of the situation. It is a last resort. very very sad for all.

I hope one day she will accept professional help and rebuild her life.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 00:45

Period

Don't worry about offence dear! If you're so easily led why not surround yourself and take the advice of everyone that offered help. I know I would if it meant I'd lose my DC otherwise.

I hope she sorts herself out and gets her life together, I doubt she'll get her DC back once adopted but maybe she'll lean from her mistakes?

OP posts:
BuffyxSummers · 05/01/2014 00:46

I've got wet socks from the amount of drool dripping from your mouth at this woman's situation.

PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:47

The choice was her. If you choose to put your child around drug and alcohol then what else will SS do?

People in her situation are not 'making choices' OP, they are simply reacting to everything that is happening in their lives. If you are out of control and angry you will react in an out of control and angry way. It is a huge leap to make to start actually making considered choices and this women probably doesn't know how to do that yet.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 05/01/2014 00:49

why is everyone but the op allowed to speculate re this woman's emotional state and feelings for her child.

musicismylife · 05/01/2014 00:50

Op, like I have previously said, it seems to me that you are gloating about the way this woman's life has panned out (so far).

Hmm
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 00:50

Buffy You want some more socks??

See for me I still don't understand maybe I'm being really dumb haha. It just doesn't make sense, like I can't get my head around that way of thinking then again I've done everything in one way and the thought of being in trouble isn't appealing, neither is drugs and alcohol.

OP posts:
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 00:51

Music as i've said before I'm not :)

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 00:54

If you're so easily led why not surround yourself and take the advice of everyone that offered help. I know I would if it meant I'd lose my DC otherwise

Sorry ralph but i really don't think you get it and are just perhaps enjoying the drama. I struggle to understand that you cant comprehend the immense trauma this women is experiencing and are only interpreting it from your own narrow perspective. Mumsnetters are usually an insightful and aware bunch and your posts show absolutely none of that. Sorry.

I've got wet socks from the amount of drool dripping from your mouth at this woman's situation

So I think i have to agree with this ^^and go back to my original post. I thought perhaps you were shocked and confused and not too clever but actually, i think this is in poor taste and poor motivation.

BuffyxSummers · 05/01/2014 00:54

I'd prefer you to stop using this woman as entertainment (which you are even though you deny it) but yeah new socks why not. You're the type of person who winds up in the Jeremy Kyle audience gawping at people who have pretty shit lives.

Kleptronic · 05/01/2014 00:54

This is what I meant about the MN code. I think the OP is new around here. Maybe she reads the Daily Mail. And what? She'll get called vile, and disgusting, and a Daily Mail reader. (Not all for reading the Mail. I am being rhetorically dramatic. Or insert one of many logical fallacies here. Sorry.)

Everyone's entitled to their opinion, of course. It is my opinion that saying someone's comment is absolute pointless rhetoric of Daily Mail proportions is divisive and judgemental.

I am polishing off the Baileys here, so possibly I am a little hot under the collar, however I think that a great many posters should check their privilege. It's fine and well defending the subject of the OP's post. It's not fine to vilify a poster because, well, I might need an essay to go into it satisfactorily, but because they don't follow the code, can't spout the script.

Not sure what my point was there, because it doesn't say on the tin that Mumset is all-inclusive.

Sparkles! Grin

Bloodyteenagers · 05/01/2014 00:57

Do you know why she was using drugs, running away, violent etc? Do you know if she had shit going on in her life that you didn't know about, stuff that she was trying to escape from, to hopefully draw enough attention to herself as a cry for help... Just because you coped with your situation how you did, doesn't mean everyone copes the same way. What a ridiculous, sweeping generalisation to make, and here have a medal for coping with your childhood better than millions of others who had a shitty childhood.

You don't know unless she was honest with any of you and told you... But then chances are, she finally tells someone and they don't believe her.

She might have honestly believed that it would be the making of her.. Have you never read any of the threads on here involving toxic families where 20+ years later the abuse is still continuing?

You cannot say for certain that you would never put yourself in a position to have your child taken by SS. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, and it's a rather naïve view to take.

You don't know for a fact if she has MH issues. You cannot tell just by looking at a person. Drug addiction, as with any addiction is a MH condition. Sometimes the power of the drug overtakes everything.

RoomForASmallOne · 05/01/2014 00:58

It doesn't make sense

For you maybe it doesn't OP, this girl could be an addict, for outsiders that can be hard to understand.
Period has said it very well

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 05/01/2014 01:00

it's absolutely amazing, the conclusions that people will jump to based on very little evidence. from what we've been told, it's a blessing that social services have intervened in this case. mh issues or not. how many of us have experience these and still care for our children? op, you did the right thing removing her from facebook, you'd be better off without that fucking site in your life anyway but that's just my opinion.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 05/01/2014 01:01

If it makes everyone better I do not read the daily mail, the sun, the mirror or any other papers, nor do I watch the new. I've never been in the JK audience, but I shall watch it at home if you've made the effort to go on national TV and find out who stole the "NatSav" then whom am I to listen, have a boastful amount of friend of Facebook,

You can call me vile, you can say I read the Daily Mail. but it doesn't make it true :) I am also knew. It was B-E-A-U-TIFUL meeting you all and your humble comments

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 05/01/2014 01:02

Because Klep what does it actually achieve to take the stance that 'people shouldn't be able to have children if they can't look after them'

Of course it is rhetoric!! It is never going to become public police that people's fertility is presided over! How things 'should' be and how things are are so vastly distant from one another that asserting some kind of value judgement is pointless. It denies the complexity of peoples lives. This is exactly the kind of discourse wheeled out by the daily mail. I think it's ok to point that out?

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